News of the Right

dormer

Weeks ago, I got a wild hair and decided to have my considerable but useless attic space made into an upper den accessible from the master bedroom. However, when trying to explain to a co-worker about “windows that stick out”, I could not for the life of me remember what they’re called. “Dormers.” They’re called “dormers.” I’m still picturing a spiral staircase going from my bedroom to a private den all my own where I can look out on the dead lawn in the middle of summer. Of course, I live alone, so how much more space and/or privacy do I need? And what if the contractors found my porn?

Oh, YEAH!!!!

exonumia

I have no story about this word other than it’s completely new to me and fun to say.

Siege #2

I haven’t been an “event” person in years (even though I have every issue of the much-maligned “Final Crisis”) mostly because I find them to be more con than content. While hyped to be huge and meaningful, events aren’t usually that impacting, and, worse, they’re horribly written and poorly plotted.

Having said that, I loved Siege #2!

While the content is on the light side (the majority of the issue focuses on Ares and his ill-fated battle with Sentry), the more mundane scenes – particularly between Nick Fury and Alex, the Avengers in the S.H.I.E.L.D. transport, and the last page of the issue – are well-written and give more weight to the story than “superpower-on-superpower action” and “the Saint Crispin’s Day speech”. But, I’m a moments guy.

Coipel, Morales and Martin are a cyclonic artistic force. While Bendis’ words may have been handled well enough by another team, this one breathes life into each panel with its dynamic compositions and expressive faces. Even the capes are expressive and full of movement. The best example of this is page three – Ares’ realization that he’s been manipulated into attacking Asgard juxtaposed with the battle below is brilliant. Without words, without mummery, the reader knows exactly what is going on under the god’s helmet. Great stuff! However, the rending of Ares on a later page, while arranged beautifully, is odd in that his intestines seem to have been previously resting on his back, protecting his spine. Gory, yes, but inaccurate overkill at best.

My one complaint is the half-truth of the “death of an Avenger” solicit. It was sophomoric hype at best. You can do better, Marvel.
Grade: A-

Hey! If for no reason in particular, you might be thinking, “I want to get Sean something special, but, what? Whatever could I get him?” You might want to consider this, the RENT, Roger Davis bear from Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS:

And he comes with all this cool stuff:

Roger wears an exact duplicate of his Broadway costume. First seen at the top of ACT II during the emotionally charged “Seasons Of Love”, this faithful re-creation consists of Roger’s black and white geometric-print sleeveless button down shirt, straight leg pin-stripe pants (both cut from the cloth of the original costumes), green hand-knit scarf and black leather biker jacket with the portentous and tragic hand-painted “Only Good Die Young” logo on the back. His brown leather “New Rock” boots have been eternalized in miniature form, and his grunge-cut, frosted blonde wig has been perfectly styled. Finally, Roger comes with his very own (working!) acoustic guitar and stand, which will certainly help as he finds “…the power to ignite the air” and write his “One Song Glory”. Once he looks into “Your Eyes” you’ll know that he can’t live “Without You”!

Included in this lot is a hand-signed “eviction-notice” prop from the 2005 film RENT, signed by Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal as well as a set of Roger’s “old rock and roll posters, advertisting gigs at CBGB’s and The Pyramid Club” used in the final days of RENT’s Broadway run.

Did you see that? SIGNED BY ANTHONY RAPP AND ADAM PASCAL!!!!

All the iconic Broadway Cares bears up for auction can be seen here. All proceeds go to help people living with AIDS.

Thanks to Joe Jervis!

space cookies

I can’t stop listening to the soundtrack for “Bare: a Rock Opera” mostly because of how evocative the story is (gay boys at a Catholic boarding high school. Yeah. Really, has anything else in my life defined and informed me more than this?), but also because (Lord help me for saying this) the songs are so catchy. “Space cookies” comes from the song “Birthday, Bitch!”

kvell

I have a fascination for Yiddish and all things Jewish. All my friends know that. I’ve been accused of being a matzo queen, though I think I just prefer non-white guys. “Kvell” is one of those words I like to drop into conversation (along with “schmutz” and “schtupp” and “fakakta“). I heard this word used last night during a re-run of “House”. House said he kvelled when Cameron finally came to accept that everybody lies. I think I’ll really have arrived when I use “fartatshish” (“sloppy”) correctly in a sentence.

abattoir

There is apparently a chophouse in Atlanta called “Abattoir” that serves guests “the use of locally-raised proteins to produce high-quality, affordable food.” I admire how up-front they are about the name being from the French for “slaughterhouse”, but I really enjoy how they refer to meat as “protein”. Thanks, “Top Chef”! You’ve done for meat what “open concept” has done for real estate.

Last summer, I heard Maggie Gallagher say the most reprehensible and simultaneously twee-est (if I’m using the word right; it means “cutesy”, correct?) thing to ever come out of her voluminous pie hole: “Marriage is not a civil right. In fact, it’s a civil wrong.” Her ability to turn a phrase aside, Mags’ head should have by all rights exploded from just the uncut rage I was sending her way (to say nothing of the other people I’m sure were doing the same thing). Ah, “Scanners,” you disappointed me once again. So, what’s a guy to do?

Easy: write her as a blobby (well, “blobbier”) hulk with swaying tits in league with all the other hating low-lifes and get friends to help make it into a comic book.

I now present to you the fruits of our labor – Rise of the Pink Ninjas: A Gay Fantasia (click on the hate to get the fun):

(Go ahead. It’s free.)

SEE Mad Gallagher throw her weight around!

STARE IN WONDER at the mysterious Bastard Baby Doll!

CLENCH your butthole when P & M, the Night Bears, cruise by!

But most of all, enjoy and keep fighting. I want to start buying gay wedding gifts.


Rise of the Pink Ninjas: A Gay Fantasia
written by Sean McGrath
drawn, inked and colored by Benjamin Ruth
lettered by Christopher Moshier
cover graphic by Scott McGrath



UPDATE: For those who prefer their comics paginated instead of stacked, I’ve made a CBZ file available. It’s my first time making one and it was stunningly easy. Why have I never done this before?

UPDATE the SECOND: Joe Jervis of the excellent gay blog Joe.My.God posted an entry about Pink Ninjas on his site, which thrills me in ways I can’t explain. One decision early on was to have the real voices of the LGBTQ movement supplant the tyrannical Solomon when they discovered he wasn’t working in their best interests. Joe is definitely one of those voices.





The readers had some affirming comments about the comic, like:

“That there was ten shades of wonderful.” from JD.

“Wow. That is just too fabulous. And it catches the relationship between the professional gay and anti-gay forces to a T.” from Smartypants.

“I love this comic for that reason someone finally had the GUTS to call out the traitors in our own midst for who and what they are!” from Daveinsf.

“I think I have a new wallpaper for my computer.” from art.

And “As a lifelong comic book fan I loved it, loved it, loved it! Kudos to all involved.” from Ken Berg.

JMG is probably one of my favorite blog communities. I’m glad the folks over there enjoyed the comic.

heigth

I’ve been using this word for ages, and tonight in an email to my brother about the dimensions of a new header he’s making for me (!!!) spellcheck kept marking it as wrong. I finally had to look it up, and found out there is no such word. Maybe it’s a Northeastern thing, like perogie and Lake Effect Snow.

After several years of looking at my first few attempts at getting a comics book out into the public and all the mistakes therein, I’m happy to announce that a new trade paperback available at Indyplanet.com collects Frater Mine issues #1 to #3 – “Family Reunion” – with a new introduction, and corrected text and images. FINALLY!! Now maybe the OCD-induced nightmares will stop.

The interior art is by Juan Romera (the faithful artist whose work just gets better and better) and Andres Barrientos (who was aboard only for issue #2). Re-lettering was done by Ed Brisson, who has been doing all the Frater Mine issues since #4. He’s an amazing talent, and right now is working on issue #8. I intend to keep him around for as long as possible. Cover art was done by my brother Scott with contributions from Austin photographer Dan Machold. This is a great team, and I’m thrilled to know and work with them.

Also, in about a week or so, a new webcomic – “Rise of the Pink Ninjas” – will be available for download. It’s drawn and colored by Benjamin Ruth (whom I’ve conscripted to help with “Unmouldered Vespula”, another new project) and lettered by Christopher Moshier. I’m not going to give everything away, but here’s a sample of page one:






The download will be free. I’ll make an announcement when it’s ready for your reading pleasure.

Kick Ass #8

The final issue of Kick Ass is just about what everyone expected it to be: loud, hyper-violent, and calculated to offend as many people as possible with… well, pick your issue. It’s bound to be there. and I say “calculated” in the most cynical way possible. Even going back to the solicit, which asks “Who will be morally outraged?” (when there’s not a single character in the book that knows what morality looks like let alone if outrage is an option), it’s obvious this finale was designed to provoke a reaction from the audience. Mark Millar went where “Heroes” couldn’t/wouldn’t/was unable to go with the “superheroes in real life” theme, and how messed up it really would be. Overall, however, Kick Ass is like watching porn: lots of button-mashing and screaming and penetrations climaxing with everyone screaming as the money shot splooshes out, covering everything. It is a comic fanboy’s wet-dream brought to the page. I have to applaud Millar for doing what no one has really done before: delving into angsty-teen-comic-fan-fic comic stories and making at living at it (then again there is the inexplicable popularity of “Twilight” and “Wicked Lovely”). If “nuance” is what you’re looking for, well, that’s why there are movies like “When in Rome” (I jest, of course. “When in Rome” is as subtle as a skinhead at a Seder.). I just help but wonder that I read this series the whole way through. Maybe because it betokens the future of comics writing.
Grade: C

Madame Xanadu #19

Madame Xanadu is one book I look forward to every month. Oddly, this month’s issue was supposed to be the conclusion of a story, but instead there was an overwrought “aside” about Nimue and Morgana’s childhood together (an extremely long childhood, at that). I know that Matt Wagner is often overwrought, but usually that can be forgiven because of the art that accompanies the story. This is one of those titles where the art means so much to the words. Amy Reed Hadley, who normally illustrates, is off this month, replaced by Joelle Jones, and the story is just kind of “OK”. Amy brings some real magic to Matt Wagner’s words, and without her, this chapter seems both unnecessary and ugly.
Grade: C+

trews

I’ve been reading The Smart Aleck’s Guide to American History and “trews” came up in a joke about the Founding Fathers and “Yankee Doodle”.

I had to post a picture of Andy, post-bath.

Cute, right? He hates baths, so I’m surprised he’s even looking at me.

Spoke too soon. He actually broke out of the cage

then peed all over the place.

I think I’ve hit frustration level.

I spoke to Andy’s previous owner this morning, and while he seems like a nice guy, he was a little fast and loose with the people at Town Lake Animal Center when he surrendered Andy. It seems that his mother had become unable to care for Andy due to some health reasons of her own, but also because Andy was unable to use the potty appropriately. Basically, his hind legs and age make it difficult for him to posture correctly when he makes, so he will often just do the best he can wherever he can. Obviously, this means I can’t let him have unfettered access to the house, especially if I’m going to sell it this summer. But I also can’t have him living in my bathroom forever.

At the advice of my vet, I decided to set up a hospice-like situation for Andy.

After work, I went to PetCo and got Andy a kennel. It seemed the best thing to do for him. I gussied it up and made it into (I hope) a serviceable and comfortable place to live. The idea is that when I’m not around, he’ll live there, but when I am, I’ll let him out to hang with the other cats. This way he’ll have the ability to socialize, accidents will be contained, and clean-ups should be easier.

I’ll also get my bathroom back.

Here’s how the first evening is going:

This is a pretty good example of how he’s doing. A few minutes before I filmed this, he got right out of the kennel without a problem.

urine scald

I recently adopted a special needs cat named Andy, who, because of a dog attack, is unable to posture correctly to go potty. The vet warned me to keep him clean in order to avoid urine scald.

EMDR

A friend of mine mentioned this to me a few months ago. To say anymore would be breaking a confidence.

Green Lantern Corps #44

Normally, i hate deus ex machina because it’s a cheap escape from a dramatic problem: the universe steps in and says, “No more. It’s done.” which leaves characters (and viewers) unsatisfied because it shows that we’re at the mercy of powers greater than ourselves, and free will is a slogan like “life should be fair.” That being said, I LOVED GLC’s method of disposing of the Black Lanterns: Mogo. It seems fair in some way, especially because Xanshi in its entirety came back, to say nothing of the rest of the universe’s re-animated dead. God doesn’t come down and declare that “Enough is enough. Go home.” No, no. God comes down with some righteous smiting, and it looks great ion a page. Is there a counterpoint to deux ex machina? If so, that’s what Peter Tomasi has created in this issue.
Grade: A

Uncanny X-Men #520

When sitting down to write this review, I had to pick the issue back up again because I had no recollection of what had happened. Then I saw the cover and remembered that Wolverine and Psylocke were out and about looking for someone for some reason. Then it occurred to me that I had liked Magneto because he was being misunderstood (Scott, of course, was a controlling bitch to him) and noble (poor guy couldn’t catch a break even when being helpful). In general, the issue was half-forgettable and half-sorta interesting.
Grade: C-

Alien space bats

I found this word while trying desperately to remember the fancy name for the historical fiction genre. I’m pretty sure it starts with “meta” (but, these days, what doesn’t?). I did come across “uchronia“, but that wasn’t the exact word I wanted. Still pretty cool, though.

Supersessionism

In my continuing fascination for all things God, I came across this word the other day. For being such a common topic of discussion, I’m surprised no one ever uses this word. Same with “theodicy“.

inappentence

I came across this word while researching why my cat is refusing to eat. It sounds much more urgent than “loss of appetite”.

rime

This word makes me think of a pauper’s grave, bodies covered in quicklime.

Bass-O-Matic

This was said tonight by a competitor on Food Network’s “Chopped”. She used it as part of her justification as to why she hand-mixed a salad after slicing her finger with a knife. “It wasn’t all Bass-o-matic,” she said. I still wouldn’t have eaten her salad if God himself told me she was DDF/HIV-/certified cootie-free.

Sort of. In getting ready for the new semester, I’m trying out new healthier recipes for lunch so I don’t have to subsist on hamburgers every day (which, while delicious, would be bad), so here are two experiments:

First, pan fried wheat noodles with tofu in a Dr. Pepper/soy reduction. Yesh, the Dr. Pepper isn’t too healthy, and it doesn’t do anything for the flavor other than add a bit of a caramel finish. I think I’d be better off using Sprinte or white wine the next time.

Next is brown rice risotto with veg. I completely understand now why risotto is such a delicacy: it took me and hour of constant stirring to get the rice cooked! However, it was totally worth the effort. Fresh lemon juice just before serving gives it a nice finish.





YUM!

My friends Mike and Jeremy will be getting married this August in Colorado. A few months ago, they asked me to draw their save-the-date cards. I balked. They persisted. I relented, because how cool an honor is that? Here’s the card I made them:

I have no future in art; however, I believe in Mike and Jeremy’s future together with all my heart. Congratulations, guys!

After Marvel proudly announced to the world that they are the biggest assdancers in comics publishing after Diamond, Adloph Hitler had this reaction:

Thanks to Andy Mangles for pointing this out!

The Power of SHAZAM! #48

I’m sure the undead have their own particular stench, but in this case, it smells like… poo? Jeez, someone light a match for this Blackest Night stinker! First of all, this one-shot is even more proof that no one knows how to write the Marvel Family well. Except for their abbreviated stint in JSA last year, there’s really nothing marvelous about them of late. Second of all, I’m uncertain if this a “triumph of the human spirit” story or a “here’s another clue as to how Nekron will be defeated” story. If it’s the former, why is Osiris of all people able to resist the Black Rings? “Black Adam’s magic” is a throwaway explanation since lots of magical beings have not resisted un-life in the main BN title. If it’s the latter, well, it’s a clue no one in the DCU is going to have access to.

The Marvel Families have so many stories that still need to be told, and with just one issue to do one story, they (and we) were we given this. Osiris himself says that “we were all just family,” and that would have made an excellent theme for an excellent story, but, unfortunately, we got jack shit.

Today, a friends of mine who works with animal rescue sent me a Craigslist link about a cat named Andy at Town Lake Animal Center. Her email read simply “ADOPT HIM”. When I clicked on the link, the ad read as follows:

This loving orange tabby boy is dependent on humans to help him, but is still responsible for himself. He gets where he wants to go, uses his back legs when he can, and most of all, he wants to connect with people. He gives headbutts, purrs continuously, and is clearly missing his safe home and owner. Even in the scary shelter he shows a lot of independence and the ability to move out of harm’s way.

Andy is a 9-year old orange tabby and white lovecat. Severely injured during a dog attack 8 years ago, he has limited use of his rear legs. His owner left him at TLAC Monday because she hurt her back and can’t keep him.

If you meet Andy, your heart will strengthen, not break. He is loving, trusting, and the shelter staff gave him the highest friendliness ratings. He is easy to pick up and carry around.

Can you save Andy’s life? He was put on the euthanasia list and now has one day to find a home or rescue placement.

And don’t ask me what it was about the words or the picture; I don’t know. But he’s mine. I pick him up tomorrow at 3. He’s adorable, isn’t he?

hove

Another one from The Road.

crozzle

I read this word in The Road:

The days sloughed past uncounted and uncalendared. Along the interstate in the distance long lines of charred and rusting cars. The raw rims of the wheels sitting in a stiff gray sludge of melted rubber, in blackened rings of wire. The incinerate corpses shrunk to the size of a child and propped on the bare springs of the seats. Ten thousand dreams ensepulchred within their crozzled hearts. They went on. Treading the dead world under like rats on a wheel. The nights dead still and deader black. So cold. They talked hardly at all. He coughed all the time and the boy watched him spitting blood. Slumping along. Filthy, ragged, hopeless. He’d stop and lean on the cart and the boy would go on and then stop and look back and he would raise his weeping eyes and see him standing their in the road looking back at him from some unimaginable future, glowing in that waste like a tabernacle.

According to a CNN report today, people who have watched the movie Avatar are experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts.

On the fan forum site “Avatar Forums,” a topic thread entitled “Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible,” has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie.

“I wasn’t depressed myself. In fact the movie made me happy ,” Baghdassarian said. “But I can understand why it made people depressed. The movie was so beautiful and it showed something we don’t have here on Earth. I think people saw we could be living in a completely different world and that caused them to be depressed.”

A post by a user called Elequin expresses an almost obsessive relationship with the film.

“That’s all I have been doing as of late, searching the Internet for more info about ‘Avatar.’ I guess that helps. It’s so hard I can’t force myself to think that it’s just a movie, and to get over it, that living like the Na’vi will never happen. I think I need a rebound movie,” Elequin posted.

A user named Mike wrote on the fan Web site “Naviblue” that he contemplated suicide after seeing the movie.

“Ever since I went to see ‘Avatar’ I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na’vi made me want to be one of them. I can’t stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it,” Mike posted. “I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in ‘Avatar.’ ”

Other fans have expressed feelings of disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality.

I’ve experienced this kind of depression before (though not with “Avatar”), most notably after seeing “Les Miserables” for the first time and wanting to run away with the touring company. Come to think of it, some women in grad school quit four weeks into their first semester to become “RENT” groupies after seeing the show for every performance of its DC run. I think that was actually my fault.

Call it what you will – Post-Holiday Letdown, The Back-to-Reality Blues, The After-Event Crash – but I’m going to call it Marauders’ Guilt. I’m also going to suggest that people stop worrying about what disgusting things movie people are doing to a fictional planet and wake up to how we’re destroying our own. That, if anything, was James Cameron’s message. Be angry (and active) here; not in make-believe.

QUASIMORON – male, indeterminate age – Quasimoron is simple evil. It isn’t so much alive as it just exists. It is fat, hunched and cross-eyed; it dresses like a perverted clown. Its power is to make you exactly like it is – empty and dumb.

A friend on Facebook just posted this picture, but through Amazon Web Services so I have no idea where it came from, but I would sincerely like to know.

In MS Paint, someone has managed to ecapsulate and render all that is The GMo better than any number of pretentious grad students who drop “post-modern” into conversations like truck drivers fart on Chili Night at Ethyl’s down on the freeway. And I must know who that person is. Anyone have an idea?

Lake Superior State University published its annual list of “Banished Words” that meet the institute’s qualifications of “Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness.”

Recipients of the honor of being shuffled out the lexicon door are

• SHOVEL-READY
• TRANSPARENT/TRANSPARENCY
• CZAR
• TWEET
• APP
• SEXTING
• FRIEND (as a verb)
• TEACHABLE MOMENT
• IN THESE ECONOMIC TIMES….
• STIMULUS
• TOXIC ASSETS
• TOO BIG TO FAIL
• BROMANCE
• CHILLAXIN’
• OBAMA-prefix or roots?

Of course, “teachable moment” holds a special place in my heart, by which I mean “stuffed in the Devil’s mouth next to Judas Iscariot”. I do, however, like the recently-promoted-to-verb “friend” as I believe most words could become verbs if we encouragemented it.

surrender monkey

hammerspace

…BREAKFAST CUPCAKES! They’re butter cupcakes with maple frosting and a sausage link on top.

Next: meatloaf cupcakes!

Juan Romera sent in his finished pages for Frater Mine #8, “And Thro’ the Field the Road Runs By”, part six of “Here, There and Nowhere”. And I have to say they’re brilliant! Click to enlarge:

The pages are going to be sent off to Ed Brisson for lettering. Look for it to be printed by the end of the year!

I LOVE Weird City Theatre, not only because I’m a company member and because next summer they’re doing a superhero play that I’m writing (!!!), but because they put on some innovative shows, and Hallowe’en is our favorite season. Last year, we did “Night of the Living Dead“, and this year WTC has adapted F. W. Murnau’s “Nosferatu” for the Austin stage (picture to come soon). Early reviews say it’s a hit, and I’ve been fortunate enough to house manage the show, and to provide concessions, particularly, Elvis cupcakes: banana cupcakes with peanut butter frosting and candied bacon. So far, people seem to like them.

Since I’ve been asked for the recipe, I’m going to post it here; however, I’m going to start with a disclaimer: these aren’t my recipes. I’m not even sure this is an original idea (I’m actually too scared to google it). The other day I was thinking about what would be a great treat for the show, and this came to mind.

Banana cupcakes:

* 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
* 3/4 cup sugar
* 1 teaspoon baking powder
* 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
* 1 1/2 cups mashed bananas (about 4 ripe bananas), plus 1 whole banana, for garnish (optional)
* 2 large eggs
* 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a standard 12-cup muffin pan with paper liners. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
2. Make a well in center of flour mixture. In well, mix together butter, mashed bananas, eggs, and vanilla. Stir to incorporate flour mixture (do not overmix). Dividing evenly, spoon batter into muffin cups.
3. Bake until a toothpick inserted in center of a cupcake comes out clean, 25 to 30 minutes. Remove cupcakes from pan; cool completely on a wire rack.

Peanut butter frosting:

* 1/2 cup butter, softened
* 1 cup creamy peanut butter
* 3 tablespoons milk, or as needed
* 2 cups confectioners’ sugar

1. Place the butter and peanut butter into a medium bowl, and beat with an electric mixer. Gradually mix in the sugar, and when it starts to get thick, incorporate milk one tablespoon at a time until all of the sugar is mixed in and the frosting is thick and spreadable. Beat for at least 3 minutes for it to get good and fluffy.

Candied bacon:

1. Preheat over to 425.
2. Place bacon on a rack inside a cookie sheet and sprinkle liberally with brown sugar.
3. Bake until shiny and crisp (about 25 minutes)

Assemble all the parts. Try them at your next party and let me know how they go over.

concern troll

fantabulation

Oh. My. Goodness. YES!

Xposted at CPB

At six o’clock the Thursday after Labor Day, I told my students, “It’s new comics day. I love you. Get out.” They probably didn’t believe the “I love you” part, but they knew I meant “Get out.” What could I do? Their young, impressionable, yearning minds were keeping me from getting Absolute New Frontier.

It’s enough to say that I got the ANF (only $75.00 minus an additional 10%, thanks ABC!), but it wasn’t all I got. Of course.

Collecting is a sickness. It is. In order to be a good collector, one needs to feel that unless one has every member of a set, then one is incomplete. One also needs to not care about potential financial ruin or personal relationships (which, contrary to a popular song lyric, do require money to seal the deal; I mean, for anyone with self-esteem) . All that matters is completeness. Completeness is one. If you don’t believe me, go to San Diego for Comic Con one year. You’ll see what I mean.

Having poor impulse control helps, too. It helps a lot.

Here’s what I love about the Absolute editions (besides the annotations): they’re large and heavy, which means they’re important, which means they’re worth having. Seriously, these things have more gravitas than Ian McKellen doing King Lear for the Kennedy family. To further illustrate this, I own the Arkham Horror series of boardgames. All of them. I’ve never played them, but, God help me, together they weigh almost 40 pounds and have over 2,000 playing pieces. That alone is enough for me to have invested close to $300 in them.

Let me say that again: I’ve never played them.

You see where this is going.

Absolute New Frontier is sitting on my shelf. Still in the shrink wrap. Still unread. And going to stay that way. Pristine. My boyfriend expressed dismay about this. And if she knew about it, I’m sure my mother would, too.

Even with a 10% discount (everyday on trade paperback and graphic novels!) $75 seemed a bit steep, but $60 seemed perfectly reasonable and $47 seemed like I was holding a gun to someone’s head, or so I told myself when I saw that’s how much Absolute Crisis on Infinite Earths, Absolute Sandman Volume One and Absolute Kingdom Come cost on Amazon.com respectively. And these weren’t even the New & Used, these were off-the-Amazon-shelves-and-still-shrink-wrapped new. What could I do? I’m a collector what a thing for gravitas and annotations. I got them. And when they arrive they will go to my shelf. Unwrapped. Unread. Pristine.

Billy Mumy’s cornfield was never so wonderfully populated.

In my own defense (sorta), I didn’t buy Seduction of the Innocent as I had originally planned. I researched the book a bit and found that the original publisher cut two pages out of the book (the bibliography) to avoid any possible lawsuit, even if it did destroy the integrity of the book’s research. My goal now is to own a copy with those pages intact. I have some self-control and pride. But only some. And I’m pretty sure even Neil Gaiman doesn’t own this book. So, watch out, Neil; I’m gonna be one up on you yet!

Xposted at CPB

With summer being over, I’m on my own in the evenings more often than not. My boyfriend is back at school, as am I, and living in different counties means casual visits don’t happen on school nights. There is also nothing on TV I have to watch. Yet. This leaves me with the dog and my laptop and my obsessive thoughts. Once I get an idea in my head, it paces from one lobe to another like a caged panther, and though I had more or less dismissed the idea of owning Absolute New Frontier because it was cost prohibitive, well, there’s always Amazon New & Used to check out.

See, the panther finds sneaky ways out of the cage.

The first thing I found out was that Absolute New Frontier was (and still is) OOP. Which meant it was $100. Which meant I needed to get back to ABC before their stock was gone because if there’s one thing that makes me wetter than annotations it’s “OOP”. It’s the bell that undams the drool. Unfortunately, this was late last Tuesday night (like, after midnight late), and I wouldn’t have a real reason to go to ABC until Thursday when the new comics were shelved. But beast had to be fed. Immediately. So, I went back to the beginning: Gaiman’s shelves.

[stage whisper] I have a good word and a bad word for whomever took the pictures of the Gaiman library: the subject matter is rare air, heady and unbelievable; however, the blow-ups are blurry, bad bad quality pics for someone had the pro credentials to get into Neilland. They frustrate the girl with an eye on her own library. Still, before an hour was gone, I had stacked an impressive pile of books in my Amazon cart (my own invisible plane, as it were), including Shadows Over Baker Street, Tonight, Somewhere in New York, The Brand-X Anthology of Poetry, The Brand-X Anthology of Fiction, The Secret Files of the Diogenes Club, The Ten-Cent Plague and Anno-Dracula. I balked at a copy of Seduction of the Innocent, which I’m now reconsidering because, ya know, “OOP”.

Shameless, I know. Actually plagiarizing someone else’s library. There should be a law.

Having successfully spent more money on books than I had on food for the month, I settled on the couch with the dog and considered my spree over with one codicil: I would get Absolute New Frontier the next day, then I could consider the panther at rest.

Right?

To be continued…

Labor Day weekend meant that my local comics shop – Austin Books and Comics – had its annual sale on selected hardcovers, complete series’ sets and trade paperbacks. Being an American and therefore a consumer, I went to see if they had anything I couldn’t live without. At first, there really wasn’t, though I lingered on a complete set of Scurvy Dogs for about twenty minutes longer than was necessary for the staff to come back and check on me several times. Then I saw Absolute New Frontier.

Oh my.


When New Frontier debuted, I looked at the issue, but didn’t really have any abiding interest in the series. It wasn’t until I saw the animated movie that I realized what a work of genius the story was. I got the set on eBay that night. Now, I was confronted with an Absolute edition of this great story, complete with annotations. ooOOOh. Nothing makes me wetter than annotations; they’re like secrets told around the water cooler, historical rumors. And the price of all this deliciousness was $75.00.

And that popped the balloon. There was no way I was gong to spend $75 on this book, no matter how cool. There went my dream of having the Gaiman library. If I wasn’t going to commit the money (my money, at least; should a sugar daddy come along, I’d have no problem spending his money), there was no way I’d be able to fill a single room with books, let alone a whole basement.

That was, until I went to Amazon.com later that week.

To be continued…

Xposted at CPB

badinage

I’m going to blame Neil Gaiman.

A few weeks ago, Shelfari posted pictures of Gaiman’s home library, and I simply had to have it. I have never been more envious of anyone of anything ever. Ever. However, not knowing the guy, I can say with some assuredness that he’s not going to bequeath his Lexical Heaven to me ‘cuz I’m such a swell person. So, I invented a fantasy in which it was totally possible for me to have his library and read it too: a Zombie Apocalypse. There’s me, see, a lonely survivor of the Awakening making my way cross country after Austin is mostly decimated (in all actuality, Austin would probably be one of the few cities in the the US to survive a zombie attack; everyone here knows the best ways to defend against them and it’s Texas, so guns and ammo are readily available at any convenience store (though I see myself more as a samurai sword-and-shillelagh kind of survivor)) to Gaiman’s Minnesota abode. There, I meet my family and a handful of other like-minded (i.e., “well-read”) survivors, and we make our way to Gaiman’s basement. He’s not there, nor is his family. I’m not sure where they are in my fantasy. I know they’re not dead because I’m certain I don’t want to live in a post-apocalyptic Gaiman-less world. I mean, that’s just too bleak. Maybe they’re waiting out the Awakening on an island somewhere. It doesn’t matter. They’re not there, and JOY!! the library is also a panic room. So, we lock ourselves in and spend our days reading and telling stories al la The Decameron. The library is mine. The end.

I know what you’re thinking: On what desert island with no hope of rescue will that be happening? Well, of course, it’s a fantasy, but I still couldn’t stop looking at the pictures of what a real home library could be if one happened to be as wealthy, talented and literate as Neil Gaiman. Being none of those, there was really only one option for me: I had to buy every book in his library for myself. Finances be damned!

And don’t think I won’t do it!

To be continued…

Xposted at CPB

ignivomous