News of the Right

As someone more clever than I said, “Seattle’s Breast” works better.

Rachel Ray, jihadist.

Larry Craig should quit while he’s ahead.

Once again, the Vatican proves it is 2,000 years old with its pre-ERA stances.

Giant-Size Astonishing X-Men #1: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A+

Final Crisis #1: There will be inevitable comparisons to the first DC crisis (Crisis on Infinite Earths), and Final Crisis may look a bit worse for it. In the first crisis, even though we knew universes were being destroyed and that the cloud would eventually come to the proper DCU, there was enough suspense about the who and the why (to say nothing of the excitement of seeing every DCU character interacting and the shocking deaths along the way) to buoy readers along and advance the plot. Final Crisis plods unnecessarily through the first issue and nothing really happens. I’m sure Grant Morrison has an amazing trick up his sleeve to get everything back to rights, but his leisurely legerdemain had me crying in frustration. And how did John Stewart not recognize Orion? Anyone remember a little thing called Cosmic Odyssey? C-

1985 #1: Millar is all about the intersection of reality and superheroes, as evidenced by Kick Ass, Ultimates and now 1985. Having been a young comics nerd in 1985 myself, there’s a lot of familiarity in these pages, especially in the comic shop with the wall-of-nostalgic-covers, but the story doesn’t compel me to read further. Really, do the centerpiece villains have the be the Vulture and the Mole Man? C

Thor #9: This will, no doubt, be my last issue of Thor. I liked the idea of him reconstituting the Asgardians and making neighbors with the Kansasians, but with this issue, we’re back to Loki (Lokie? Lokishe? Lokette?) trying to fuck around with everyone and divide loyalties and make herself look better than she really is. It’s the old Thor storylines again. This saddens me because the book started off hot, now it’s back to the tepidness that got it canceled in the first place. C

Hellblazer #144: Stories about libraries of “lost” books are like porn to me. Tales of bad popes and a Deity that really does watch what we do and secret theologies are dangerous porn, but more compelling than “cuz the Bible tells me so.” Hellblazer is my new dudetube. A+

House of Mystery #1: I know I enjoyed reading this book, but I’m not as interested in the “plot” as I am in the stories the people in the house tell (or will tell). Call me old-fashioned, but I’d like to see something like the original House of Mystery with several enjoyable, fun and vile stories per issue. B+

Wonder Woman #20: Wonder Woman meets Beowulf and The Stalker. Nice and kitschy with a strong retro spin. So very 2008. A

Grendel: Behold the Devil #7: Oh, Matt. MattMattMattMattMatt. You tricked me again. It’s my fault, really. I was bedazzled by your violent streak and charmed by your body count. The zombies distracted me from the flimsy story and now… the final betrayal: your penultimate issue is a summary of all the old Comico Grendel incarnations: Christine Spar and on. Oh, Matt. That’s why the Good Lord invented Wikipedia. D

The Dresden Files #1 – 2: SciFi couldn’t get it right, and gods love the Dabel Brothers for trying to get it right, but Harry Dresden still doesn’t have a decent half-life outside of his novel element. The story – Welcome to the Jungle – is intriguing, but the characters seem uncharacteristic, and the art is of the Witchblade boobs-and-abs-a-poppin’ style, which the cover art completely belies. B-

git or kneebiter.

As I said before, I was in Columbus, OH this past week with Scully hunting for houses and jobs. Both goals were met modestly successfully, but didn’t leave me at the crossroads with a large red arrow saying “THIS WAY!!“. I need a job to get a house, but I don’t have a job. I have several good leads on jobs – two places even said they would hire me on the spot, which I would have accepted had the pay not been so low – but not my ideal job: working at CSCC doing what I do now for ACC. Although CSCC is very interested in getting a Deaf program up and running, who knows how long that will take. I also can’t move until my house here in Austin is sold. So, I’m left with two choices – wait and see what happens (i.e., “be sensible; don’t sell the house and move until there is a job in Columbus waiting for me”) or leap (i.e., “just do it and hope for the best.”).

More as this develops.

While I was away, Oliver was adopted. I was probably all for the best. How did I imagine I was going to transport two dogs and three cats cross-country in my Beetle?

Finally, I found a GREAT house. It’s so great I don’t think it’s going to be around for long even though it’s been on the market since February. Someone is going to come along and snatch it away from me, and one can see why:

With an attached Florida room, plus a nice backyard and detached garage:





The entrance way and living room are very cozy, with the Florida room just to the right of the front door. The decorative fireplace is a minus as are the coffee-colored walls throughout the house, but, as Michelle says, it’s only paint.

















Formal dining room:





Gorgeous kitchen, but with no door leading to the outside. I should have one put in next to the stove. Maybe get that greenhouse while I’m at it and grow veggies all year long.













This basement is off the kitchen, large with a cold room (perfect for keeping preserves and jellies):













Up to the 2nd floor (three bedrooms and the only bathroom in the house – a bit of a negative; oh, and the green has got to go!):

















And finally, the 1/2 floor (superattic):





Well, there it is. So close yet so far. I’m going to take a few days to decide what to do – be sensible or leap – then follow through with whatever plan seems best. Fingers crossed for me, please!

Hey all! This past week I was in Columbus, OH looking at houses and looking for a job, so while I got my comics (at The Laughing Ogre), I haven’t had time to write reviews for them. This week both Giant Sized Astonishing X-Men #1 and Final Crisis #1 will be out, so I’ll hold off reviewing anything ’til I get my hands on them.

Enjoy the holiday today!

My brother over at Daedalusrose.com has started his new line of images, A Metafiction of Muses. There will be 13 sisters in all. Below is a detail of the Muse of Small Occurrences. Click on her to see the others.

I was planning on getting a PS3 anyway because of the Blu-Ray technology on-board, but seeing this advertisement from Austria

makes me want one all the more (even if it has nothing per se to do with video games). Click to see the unblurred picture.

UPDATE: Senility has officially sunk in as evidenced by this email train between myself and Brian Andersen:

BA: Oh gross! That is seriously disburbing! Gross!

me: have you gone straight on me???????

BA: Haha! Never! But a scary-assed gross thumb instead of the real deal, yuck! That is every gay boys nightmare, a penis the size of a finger.

me: … OMG!!!!!

I honestly didn’t see the thumb. Lord. So, I’ve unblurred the pic.

I’ve decided to get Oliver.

Yesterday, I took Hogan to TLAC for a meet and greet with Oliver. I know that I had been torn between him and Leo, but in the end I really wanted Oliver more. Leo was cute and all, but I knew a family would snatch him up right away (UPDATE: someone did). I’m not saying I feel bad for Oliver or that this is a pity adoption, but his shyness and other problems really remind me of Hogan a year ago. Hogan wasn’t “damaged” per se, but he had a lot of problems that we’ve worked pretty hard to overcome and some that I’ve just chalked up to “personality”.

In the end, I want a dog I feel a rapport with, and that’s Oliver.

The meet-and-greet didn’t go as well as anticipated. Knowing how Hogan reacts to other dogs (he’s a pest), I thought that he would be all up in Oliver’s face, and Oliver would just shut down not vice versa. Surprising, eh?Sarah (whom I adore!) had an assistant bring Oliver to the meeting room. I wasn’t allowed to hold either dogs’ leash because I’m biased towards my own dog and would maybe give wrong signals to both of them (as I understand it). Hogan started off whining and impatient as always, but when he and Oliver got to play without their leashes Oliver was the one who wouldn’t leave Hogan alone even though Hogan was giving clear “I’m ignoring you; go away!” signals. Who knew that Hogan learned where to draw a line? Eventually, Oliver jumped on Hogan, who in turn fell over and landed on Oliver. Oliver than gave this exaggerated pain response (he yelped and limped over to the trainer even though he wasn’t hurt at all) which drove Hogan back to me.

Sarah was concerned, so she called in the animal behaviorist on staff (how cool of a job would that be?) to observe their interactions. After a few minutes and one more little yelp, I got the verdict: they weren’t a good match. Oliver was too socially immature to be with another dog and not eventually escalate something trivial into an all-out fight. However, that wasn’t the final word. With training and time, it would be possible for Hogan and Oliver to get along but I would gave to be the one to show them how I want them to do that.

No problem. I got Hogan up and running. I felt certain that I could make Oliver a part of the family. Except. The timing was bad. Next Tuesday I go to Columbus for a few days with Scully and to begin training Oliver and the cats, Oliver and me and Oliver and Hogan and Oliver and Hogan and me then interrupt it would be bad. The behaviorist left, as did Oliver (funny aside, Hogan opened the meeting room door and ran after him. It was damn cute and rather touching.) so Sarah and I could have a talk. She told me that Oliver would require a huge investment of time and energy, but that he could be a good pet and companion. I told her about Hogan’s problems and she said that if that were true, then I should be proud that he had turned out to be “such a gem”. She gave me until close of business today to make a decision.

I didn’t tell her about the trip.

I spent today figuring out what to do, then when I was almost finished grading, I decided the best thing to do was to let Oliver go. TLAC closes at 7, but I didn’t finish grading until 5:55. I hauled ass out of Epoch and got to TLAC in about 20 minutes (not bad for rush hour traffic!). Sarah was there and I told her my decision: to release the hold on Oliver and let him be available for adoption again. I told her about my having to leave and that interrupting training would be negative no matter what I managed to do in a week. If Oliver (who for some reason, I’ve been calling “Clarence” in my head) were to be adopted, I’d be sad for me but happy for him. However, if he were still around when I returned from Ohio, then I adopt him. Sarah completely understood, but I had an other question: “How much time does he have until he’s put down?”

Imagine how relieved I felt when Sarah told me that TLAC is a no-kill shelter. Once animals enter the adoption program they only leave when they’re adopted or are moved to another shelter.

So, it seems I may have another dog in a week. And with any luck I’ll have a job, too. Fingers crossed for me, please?

Making Comics Studios and OrthoComics Studio are proud to announce the release of Frater Mine #6 and the generic goddess comic #2, both available from IndyPlanet.com

In Frater Mine, Mark’s son Powers is missing and Matt is the main suspect. Colleen is interviewed by a less-than-sympathetic detective about her own daughter’s kidnapping. Telling the truth would be the best thing for all of them to do, but who would believe their children have literally disappeared? Called “genius…remarkable levels of professionalism and storytelling” by PinkKryptonite.com and “fabulous, edgy, outside the box” by Kathy Cronkite, Frater Mine pushes its characters to see how far they’ll go to help a loved one.

Order copies here!

In the goddess comic, ****** returns home on a mission – to apologize to a friend for abandoning her 30 years before. But a good night’s rest is interrupted by a violent confrontation. While this series has no official title, the story is bafflingly familiar. A 60-year-old woman with a dual identity champions Truth and Justice in a city beset with violence and apathy.

Order copies here!

As always, thanks for supporting indy comics!

Hellblazer #243: This is the first issue of Hellblazer I’ve ever picked up and it was a good place to start. Of course, now I want all the back issues. Dammit. In the sacrament of “Corporeal Confession” (i.e., “fucking like bunnies”) a priest inadvertently lets a succubus loose in the Vatican. I’m sure stranger things have happened in real life, but we’ll never know. GREAT story! A+

An aside: Hellblazer has a preview for some piece of garbage called Young Liars. Someone at Aintitcoolnews.com called it “A firecracker of a book,” but someone must have blown him real good for those pretty words. Who writes crap like, “Sadie Dawkins. The most amazing, beautiful, exciting, smart, funny, amazing (did I say that already?). gorgeous, smokin’ hot, kick-ass, cool, so so cool woman that ever was or will ever be. The girl I love.”? Adjectorrrhea aside, how did Sadie go from being a woman to a girl in less than a sentence? F

Secret Invasion #2: And a street.. ok, jungle brawl breaks out because superheroes think with their fists and not their brains. Jeez. So, this is how Captain America will be brought back. and Phoenix as well? God forbid! Uh.. so, it was a Skrull that was killed by Magneto three years ago? Why would a Skrull impersonate Phoenix? I mean, seriously, can they wield powers on a cosmic scale? Would an impostor be spotted too quickly so it had to be killed off as soon as humanly possible? And where has everyone been for the past three years or so? Grr. I can’t figure out if I like this book or not. Oh, but bonus points for Mockingbird being alive. I always liked her. But, then again, whose soul is being tortured in Hell if not hers? Grr… B-

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight #14: I enjoyed the issue, but, like tonight’s Brothers & Sisters, the story that should have been the centerpiece (B&S: Kevin and Scotty’s wedding.. and by the way, how did Kevin not get his ass kicked for walking out on their honeymoon night? And why didn’t they get a nice hotel room instead of going back to their apartment? Who wrote this episode???) seemed rushed. “Wolves at the Gate” could easily run a few more issues, but it’s all going to be tied up in #15. Oh, and one spoiler: the “Rule of Joss” is in full force this issue. Sad. B+

My pussydog Hogan is a sub looking for a masterful Alpha. Seriously. He was obviously part of a pack before I got him (I also suspect he was raised by Hispanic lesbian construction workers who drove a pickup), and being on is own now is not his idea of a good time. He will cry to get the attention of other dogs or cats or people or birds or whomever he feels is ignoring him. This horror is that because he’s a pit bull his aggressive friendliness is interpreted as aggression full stop. People cross the street to get away from him; cats scurry for cover (which makes him think they want to play and the chase is on!); and other dogs bark at him like bullies do to the socially awkward 4th grader on the playground.

Poor little guy.

Thus, I’ve decided to get Hogan a companion dog. However, because I also have cats, I’d like to get a dog that can be friends with the cats, too. Yeah, that’s asking a lot, but if the companion dog were a puppy, he could learn how to dominate Hogan (the 3 month old Chow mix next door has already figured out how to do that, so how hard can it be?) AND be dominated by the cats. That narrows the field of candidates considerably, I should say.

Going to Town Lake Animal Center is like getting a tetanus shot on Christmas Day. The staff there is wonderful, but looking at all the dogs and cats in their pens and knowing that some of them are not going to be alive at the end of the week makes me wonder how immured they are from their charges. If I worked there I’d certainly have more than one dog and three cats. That or I be an hysterical basketcase. Whichever. On my visit yesterday, I found two dogs that I completely fell in love with (if I were being totally honest I’d say I fell in love with several dogs, but only two matched my criteria). For your (and my) consideration:





Leo, Prisoner #A507794. I didn’t get to play with Leo because his pen was locked. Apparently, puppies need less contact with the outside world than grown-up dogs – something about catching diseases. I know he’ll get adopted right away because.. well, jeez, just look at him! Isn’t he just delicious??





Oliver, Prisoner #A506636. Oliver was brought in a few weeks ago with his sister, who was subsequently adopted. According to Sara, the adoptor screening lady (who was a doll), Oliver has been lost ever since. She told me that he “stops, drops and rolls” whenever there’s a loud noise or another dog barks at him. Literally, he gets into Chinese fire drill position and refuses to move until his episode is over. Before we spoke, I hadn’t even seen Oliver, but Sara convinced me to go visit him. Awwh! What a sweetie he was!! I took him to a private walking area, let him off the leash and hung out for about 20 minutes. We played fetch, and I gave him a few treats, but after a few minutes all he wanted to do was sit down and lean against me, which we did for a few minutes before leaving the pen.

Then some weirdness happened.

There was this guy taking his dog (a pit bull – which is not and indictment against pit bulls! Lord knows I love those little guys!) back to her cage at the same time I was taking Oliver back to his. We must have gotten too close or something, because the pit growled at Oliver, who then dropped to the ground and hid his face between my legs. The dude moved on, but even after a minute or so of waiting and with some treat-baiting, Oliver refused to get up and walk with me. I was content to wait, but I felt a bit foolish because I didn’t know what to do to make him move, if indeed there was anything to be done.

Then Mr. Pit Bull Walker came over and asked, “Why isn’t he moving?”

I replied, “I think he’s scared. He apparently does this a lot.”

So, the guy grabbed Oliver by the scruff of the neck and lifted him to his feet, saying, “He’s not scared. Look at his tail. he’s just being stubborn.”

I was a bit confused at this point because while I’ve moved my cats that way, I was uncertain if that was the right thing to do to a dog who obviously has a problem. But, is it better to let him have his episode or show him a bit of discipline? Without knowing the dog better, I wasn’t sure which was the right thing to do.

Right then, a woman from the office started walking towards us. I smiled and said, “I was told he might do this. What’s the best thing to do?” Whereupon she yelled, “STOP!” and I felt the leash tug on my wrist. I turned to look at Oliver and see this Dickwad pulling Oliver (unwillingly) across the lawn by the leash, with it more or less choking him. The woman was on us by now and I felt like this guy had ruined my chances to get this dog or any dog again, ever. She screamed politely at him, “That is not the way to handle a dog!” he tried to give her some lip about that’s what dogs’ mothers do, but she ignored him and picked up Oliver and took him to his cage.

The woman was very nice to me and said that Oliver had some walking-on-a-leash issues, and I explained that Sara had already told me that. Then all I felt was humiliated, like I had done something horrible by not knowing how to control the situation with Oliver. She was very reassuring and said that Sara doesn’t recommend animals to people unless she’s sure they’d be a match. Then all I felt was about an inch tall, like I’d failed a test, which it wasn’t and I know that intellectually.

Lord only knows what people with babies go through every day.

Anyway, that’s when I left the shelter. I have to get Zaph and Rose’s update vaccination papers, but after that I can adopt whomever.

Uh.. it seems like I’ve already made up my mind, doesn’t it?

…there was Mr. Midnight!!

Thank the gods Christopher Lee had the chance to redeem himself after The Return of Captain Invincible, unlike Orson Welles whose swan song was The Transformers: The Movie. Poor guy.

Do you eat too much? Yeah, you do. Be thankful for it.

What would National Masturbation Month be without a Masturbate-a-thon?

I’ve always liked Mexican Coke better anyway.

Teacher or Pinko Commie?

Teacher or Master of the Dark Arts?

I sent this email out to my friends earlier this week, but I find myself unable to keep the horror out of the public arena anymore:

if i’ve sent this to you it means i know you to have a sick sense of humor or that i think you’re a filthy, filthy whore. maybe both.

so, who hates the family circus with their traditional values and unfunny observational jokes? no matter how much you THINK you hate them, you will never, ever bring them down to the depths of shame that “the other family” has. so VERY much NSFW!!!! in fact, it might not even be fit for private consumption.

oh god. i can see forever.

That was the least offensive of all the comics I could find. The Other Family is affiliated with Weird Ads, which proves that there really are no boundaries to people’s taste in what they consider to be a fairly good time.

Oh! I’m a week behind in posting this, but American Idol: totally scripted or judged by a woman so high on Vicodin that she thinks she’s Mother Shipton?

Discuss.

Teen Titans Year One #4: Can these Titans do anything without Robin? Can they even have character development without him? I know he’s the heart and soul of the team, but he gets way too much panel time and long Hamlet-esque brooding scenes. C+

DC Universe #0: The prelude to Final Crisis is a bit overwrought with its language, but the plot points it covers make the main book seem to be worth reading once it arrives. My only question is “what was up with the stripper club?” C-

Power Pack Day One #1 – 2: I BIG HEART Power Pack when I was in high school. I like this redux, but I’m confused as to where this falls in Marvel chronology. They’ve obviously met Franklin Richards, who claims to have no usable powers of his own, but he already has his honorary Power Pack uniform. Ah well. It’s a cute read. A-

In other news, I saw Iron Man at the Drafthouse last night. Finally, a superhero movie that knows how to build up action and deliver an unrestrained, climatic battle royale! And be sure to stay after the credits for a bonus scene that will be (somwhat) paralleled in The Incredible Hulk later this summer!!

Rule 34

Tra la! It’s May!
The lusty month of May!
That lovely month when ev’ryone goes
Blissfully astray.
Tra la! It’s here!
That shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts
Merrily appear!
It’s May! It’s May!
That gorgeous holiday
When ev’ry maiden prays that her lad
Will be a cad!
It’s mad! It’s gay!
A libelous display!
Those dreary vows that ev’ryone takes,
Ev’ryone breaks.
Ev’ryone makes divine mistakes
The lusty month of May!

adult content beneath the fold

It’s a good day to be gay and not Christian (well, the kind who are obsessed with what i do with my tacohole).

Shareholders Reject Bid To Strip Gay Protections At Wells Fargo
by 365Gay.com Newscenter Staff

(San Francisco, California) A motion by a Wells Fargo shareholder to remove protections for LGBT workers from the company’s non-discrimination policy was defeated this week at its annual meeting.

Wells Fargo & Co. is the fifth largest U.S. bank by assets.

The motion called for the company to “to formulate an equal employment policy …that does not make reference to any matters related to sexual interests, activities or orientation.”

It said that homosexuality has been “condemned by the major traditions of Judaism, Christianity and Islam for a thousand years or more”.

The motion was crafted by Pro Vita Advisors, a group that helps promote conservative values.

The motion said that “While the legal institution of marriage between a man and a woman should be protected, the sexual interests of, inclinations and activities of all employees should be a private matter, not a corporate concern.”

The proposal was easily defeated.

Nearly 90 percent of the Fortune 500 companies have non-discrimination policies.

Conservative groups have attacked Wells Fargo for the past three years over its “pro-gay policies”.

In 2005 Focus on the Family withdrew its funds from Wells Fargo.

“Focus on the Family has elected to end its banking relationship with Wells Fargo, motivated primarily by the bank’s ongoing efforts to advance the radical homosexual agenda. These efforts are in direct opposition to the underlying principles and purpose of Focus, and thus a decision of conscience had to be made, and a stand taken,” said a statement from FOF at the time.

Focus said Wells Fargo had donated more than $14 million to pro-gay organizations in the last two decades.

Similar shareholder challenges to non-discrimination policies that include gays have been fought and lost at Ford Motor Company.

The only way Wells Fargo could have made me happier would have been if their response simply read “Get stuffed.”