May is National Masturbation Month
Tra la! It’s May!
The lusty month of May!
That lovely month when ev’ryone goes
Blissfully astray.
Tra la! It’s here!
That shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts
Merrily appear!
It’s May! It’s May!
That gorgeous holiday
When ev’ry maiden prays that her lad
Will be a cad!
It’s mad! It’s gay!
A libelous display!
Those dreary vows that ev’ryone takes,
Ev’ryone breaks.
Ev’ryone makes divine mistakes
The lusty month of May!
What could a healthier way to celebrate spring than a rediscovering of the pleasure one can only give to oneself? What could be a more wholesome pastime than rubbing one out? Only a dirty pinko Commie wouldn’t toss off during National Masturbation Month. Jesus would want you to.
According to Associated Content
Masturbation Month was originally started in 1995 by a company called Good Vibrations to protest firing U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders. Elders was asked a question about safe sex and responded with, “Masturbation is something that perhaps should be taught.” Sex education providers around the nation agreed with her but the conservative consensus did not and so she was canned. In lieu of that firing, Good Vibrations decided to rage war against the conservatives by bringing masturbation to the front lines; to make it a visible topic of discussion amongst Americans.
So, what are you waiting for? Oh! Guys, I’ve never tried one, but I’ve been told the Aneros will make your prostate do things an 18 year-old would have trouble doing. My PSA for the day.
Also, Austin photographer Fred Guerra knows how hot May can be as evidence by this calendar page (click to embiggen):
So, go forth this month and have fun. Don’t hurt anyone (including yourselves) and try to keep the world’s population down!
