Superman #681: Part two of “New Krypton” sees Lex Luthor’s worst nightmare come true – Earth inhabited by out-of-control aliens. Not that the Kryptonians are wreaking havok everywhere they go (the dead blue whale aside), but with an overly defensive and smarmy-looking Thara Ak-Var and an alien-killing super-being thrown into the mix, it’s only a matter of time before cities start to fall. I hope. Obviously, the 100,000 Kryptonians are going to stay around Earth because they would nullify the need for any other superhero title again ever. However, the method and motive of their departure are still to be told. The best scene of the entire issue is between Martha Kent and the one member of the Superman Family who knows where he’s needed the most. Good boy! A

Madame Xanadu #5: If I had one criticism of this book, it would be that the centuries are slipping by way too fast. Matt Wagner doesn’t have to hit all the major events from 1000 A.D. to the present, but maybe a brief layover in the Renaissance would have been nice. A visit with Nostradamus perhaps. The “discovery” of America and subsequent slaughter of the American Indians would have topped my list of events for Miss X to run to. This is not to say that the French Revolution isn’t high on drama and intrigue; it is. I’m just saying there could have been a few more stops between there and here. B

1985 #6: I read this in the store because I had to see how it ended, and… really? “Everybody go home!”? That was the only logical conclusion to this story Mark Millar could come up with? It was so sad I wanted to pat it on the head and help it find it’s mommy because it was obviously lost. Alas, poor highly-anticipated mini-series, we hardly knew ye. F

Thor #11: When Captain America died last year, I found myself not caring too much. Not because I didn’t like Cap, but because his death was the latest in a series of ploys to shock and awe Marvel readers. And in the final analysis, it didn’t seem that anyone in the Marvel U cared. At all. Until this month. Don and Thor’s goodbyes to Captain America seem to be JMS’s none-to-veiled commentary on the state of American politics – where the speculation of what a hero would do overshadows the good s/he accomplished. When “who would Captain America vote for?” (terribly paralleling the “Jesus wants you to vote for McCain” screeds of late) is the best memorial people can create, it’s heartening to see that at least Thor remembers how to honor a friend and hero. A+

Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds #1: This this this THIS is how one hosts a Crisis. While I thought that his Revelations wasn’t all that revelatory, Geoff Johns’ first issue of Legion of Three Worlds has convinced me to believe that he knows what he’s doing and ride both titles all the way through. Yes, I’ll say it now: Legion of Three Worlds was perhaps the best mainstream comic I’ve read all year. Perez’s art was Perez’s art (is it ever bad? No.). And as someone who hasn’t followed the exploits of the Legion of Superheroes since Mordru was defeated in some kind of puppy pile-on back in the 70′s, I picked up on the plot almost immediately and was pulled along by the action. My only problem: what the hell is Superman doing here? Yeahyeah, it’s not the Legion without Superman, but isn’t he busy with five or six other titles (two of which have him on Crisis-duty elsewhere in the Universe)? This is more of an editorial issue than a writing issue in the final analysis, but that doesn’t make it less annoying. Still, I’m hooked. I’ll be here to see (from my keyboard to god’s ears) Superboy-Prime spanked hard at some point during this saga. Really. Redemption or no, someone better make this kid cry by the end. A+

Uncanny X-Men #501: Maybe riding the high from Legion of Three Worlds made me enjoy this issue more than I should have, but… I’m going to retract everything I said about X-Men based on reading #500. To be sure, #500 sucked (LORD, did it suck!), but #501 pulled itself out of the suckage and got me feeling all joyous and sad and angry and vengeful for the ‘tants (I’m trying out a new nickname for my favorite homo-superiors to counter the “Mutie scum” hate-cry of the new Hellfire Cult). And was that Jean Grey all decked out as Mistress of Humiliation? Maybe we’re seeing a preview of the next Millar/Land title – Phoenix: The Domination? A

1985 #4: Picked it up. Scanned it. Put it back. F

Helen Killer #3: What could be more damaging to the reputation of the sainted Helen Killer than to portray her as a whore? And while one is at it, why not put the image on the front cover of a comic book? Oh, the joy of iconoclasm! In the most over-the-top issue so far in a series that was halfway to the moon to begin with, Helen goes under-the-covers to scare up anarchist Elisha Grey in this penultimate chapter of the series. A+

1985 #3: Like Secret Invasion, 1985 is halfway done and there’s not a shred of evidence that the plot is going anywhere. Like Toby and his Dad’s encounter with Modok, there’s no urgency in the tale (really, that was the slowest getaway scene since Tuistas‘ interpretation of Esther Williams in a Richard Donner film). The surreal “now you see ‘em, now you don’t” of heroes and villains adds to mystery of the tale (the Big Questions being “Why are only villains popping into this world? (yeah yeah, there was the Hulk, but in 1985 he had been a full-fledged hero for, what, 20 minutes?)” and “What’s their Evil Agenda?”), but doesn’t take time to clue the reader in. I like how the Hulk and Juggernaut disappeared from Toby’s life because that seems to be the way real life would work: a chance encounter with a hero, before normal life takes over again (contrasted with the narcissistic “Rick Jones’ Method of Injecting Oneself into a Hero’s Life. Forever.”). However, I don’t like how they disappeared from the story (known as “Falling into a Claremont Hole”). I’ll glance at the next issue, but I’m thinking this is the one where I get off. D

Five things you need to know about The Dark Knight:

1. Christian Bale is an excellent Bruce Wayne, but his Batman needs a lozenge.
2. I’ve never seen the Joker as a violent sociopath, but more as an annoyance. Then Heath Ledger came along.
3. This is the first time ever that a villain team-up made sense in a movie.
4. Listen for the words “need”, “want” and “deserve”. They will tell you everything you need to know about the plot.
5. The secondary cast members give performances just as demanding as the lead actors. Blink and you’ll miss Anthony Michael Hall.

Of course, the word on every comic geek’s lips this weekend is “Watchmen”, since the full-length trailer debuted in front of The Dark Knight. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve never read the graphic novel, and will probably be fined for saying so. I’ll have to pick up a copy and finish is before the poseurs do. I hate being in the middle of a phenomena.

Mattel crossed a line for some people by releasing the Black Canary Barbie, a tartier version of an already loose doll. The odd thing is, I really can’t find any original complaints online, just an article in The Sun that says people are upset.

OMG EEEEEEE Joss Whedon’s superhero musical “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” starring Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Filion is online for this week only before going for sale on iTunes. I’ve always had a crush on Nathan Filion, but I fear that he’s been ousted from my heart by NPH. Of course, he’ll have to share space with Rick Schroeder, and ya know, should… anything… happen there while they’re… ya know, waiting for me… like a pillow fight in their underwear, then, uhm…. yeah, I’d be cool with that.





Best line: “The hammer is my penis.”

I’ve been away from “That’s My Bag” for a few weeks for two reasons: I was trying to get my review of Justin Hall and Dave Davenport’s Hard to Swallow #3 for Prism Comics (which turned out to be much better as an interview (can I say how much these guys crack me up?)), and for two weeks when I went to ABC there wasn’t anything I couldn’t live without or I would buy one book and not want to talk about it on its own. Finally this week I have five books to review.

Grendel: Behold the Devil #8: Whu..? But she said… And then he… Why did…? Fail. F

1985 #2: The first of my ambivalent reviews. I like it, but the build-up is a bit slow, like the story is being parsed out so it can support six issues instead of four. Of course, it could be that the plot is so awesome that it requires this much groundwork to be laid before said awesomeness can be revealed. Here’s hoping. B

Final Crisis #2: I didn’t hate this issue, but at the same time I didn’t see any reason to love it. I still don’t know how Final Crisis can be going on at the same time as Trinity, but there’s no reference to one in the other. Also, didn’t Turpin meet Darkseid’s new body last issue? So, why is he now being referenced as “the father of Kalibak”? Have the gods of Apokalypse gone viral? I’m intrigued if only because the information presented so far is too sparse to see the Big Picture, but far-ranging enough to know there is a Big (if not Supremely Large) Picture to be seen. But, really, what does a barroom brawl between metas in Tokyo have to do with anything and will it be worth the 8 out of 30 pages spent on it (I’m actually hoping Sonny Sumo will turn out to be Barda and with Mister Miracle being a mysterious black man, well… go, gay gods, go!). B

Madame Xanadu #1: I’ve been hurt by you before, Matt Wagner, and you know what it is you’ve done to me. Yes, I’ve seen you become unnecessarily intent on your choice of cold cuts at the supermarket when you see me pass through produce. It’s your guilt, Matt. You can’t bring yourself to look at me and with good reason. You should feel bad about what you’ve done, and if you lead me astray again with Madame Xanadu, I’ll give up all pretense of us trying to “just be friends.” (a cautious) A

Wonder Woman #21: I know Gail has a plan for this story arc, but I wish she’d clue the rest of us in. Also, I’ve seen Diana’s red talon before; I just can’t remember where. B

Giant-Size Astonishing X-Men #1: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A+

Final Crisis #1: There will be inevitable comparisons to the first DC crisis (Crisis on Infinite Earths), and Final Crisis may look a bit worse for it. In the first crisis, even though we knew universes were being destroyed and that the cloud would eventually come to the proper DCU, there was enough suspense about the who and the why (to say nothing of the excitement of seeing every DCU character interacting and the shocking deaths along the way) to buoy readers along and advance the plot. Final Crisis plods unnecessarily through the first issue and nothing really happens. I’m sure Grant Morrison has an amazing trick up his sleeve to get everything back to rights, but his leisurely legerdemain had me crying in frustration. And how did John Stewart not recognize Orion? Anyone remember a little thing called Cosmic Odyssey? C-

1985 #1: Millar is all about the intersection of reality and superheroes, as evidenced by Kick Ass, Ultimates and now 1985. Having been a young comics nerd in 1985 myself, there’s a lot of familiarity in these pages, especially in the comic shop with the wall-of-nostalgic-covers, but the story doesn’t compel me to read further. Really, do the centerpiece villains have the be the Vulture and the Mole Man? C

Thor #9: This will, no doubt, be my last issue of Thor. I liked the idea of him reconstituting the Asgardians and making neighbors with the Kansasians, but with this issue, we’re back to Loki (Lokie? Lokishe? Lokette?) trying to fuck around with everyone and divide loyalties and make herself look better than she really is. It’s the old Thor storylines again. This saddens me because the book started off hot, now it’s back to the tepidness that got it canceled in the first place. C

Hellblazer #144: Stories about libraries of “lost” books are like porn to me. Tales of bad popes and a Deity that really does watch what we do and secret theologies are dangerous porn, but more compelling than “cuz the Bible tells me so.” Hellblazer is my new dudetube. A+

House of Mystery #1: I know I enjoyed reading this book, but I’m not as interested in the “plot” as I am in the stories the people in the house tell (or will tell). Call me old-fashioned, but I’d like to see something like the original House of Mystery with several enjoyable, fun and vile stories per issue. B+

Wonder Woman #20: Wonder Woman meets Beowulf and The Stalker. Nice and kitschy with a strong retro spin. So very 2008. A

Grendel: Behold the Devil #7: Oh, Matt. MattMattMattMattMatt. You tricked me again. It’s my fault, really. I was bedazzled by your violent streak and charmed by your body count. The zombies distracted me from the flimsy story and now… the final betrayal: your penultimate issue is a summary of all the old Comico Grendel incarnations: Christine Spar and on. Oh, Matt. That’s why the Good Lord invented Wikipedia. D

The Dresden Files #1 – 2: SciFi couldn’t get it right, and gods love the Dabel Brothers for trying to get it right, but Harry Dresden still doesn’t have a decent half-life outside of his novel element. The story – Welcome to the Jungle – is intriguing, but the characters seem uncharacteristic, and the art is of the Witchblade boobs-and-abs-a-poppin’ style, which the cover art completely belies. B-