From the Buffalo Beast comes The 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2008. Targets this ywar include Barack Obama, Michelle Bachman, Tita Tequila, Michelle Malkin, Rush Limbaugh, and You:

43. You

Charges: You think it’s your patriotic duty to spend money you don’t have on crap you don’t need. You think Hillary lost because of sexism, when it’s actually because she’s just a bad liar. You think Iraq is better off now than before we invaded, and don’t understand why they’re so ungrateful. You think Tim Russert was a great journalist. You’re hopping mad about an auto industry bailout that cost a squirt of piss compared to a Wall Street heist of galactic dimensions, due to a housing crash you somehow have blamed on minorities. It took you six years to figure out what a tool Bush is, but you think Obama will make it all better. You deem it hunky dory that we conduct national policy debates via 8-second clips from “The View.” You think God zapped humans into existence a few thousand years ago, although your appendix and wisdom teeth disagree. You like watching vicious assholes insult each other on TV. You support gun rights, because firing one gives you a chubby. You cuddle falsehoods and resent enlightenment. You think the fact that 43% of whites could stomach voting for an incredibly charismatic and eloquent light-skinned black guy who was raised by white people means racism is over. You think progressive taxation is socialism. 1 in 100 of you are in jail, and you think it should be more. You are shallow, inconsiderate, afraid, brand-conscious, sedentary, and totally self-obsessed. You are American.

Exhibit A: You’re more upset by Miley Cyrus’s glamour shots than the fact that you are a grown adult who is upset about Miley Cyrus.

Sentence: Invaded and occupied by Canada; all military units busy overseas without enough fuel to get back.

Last year, You were ranked #9, so even though one could call this progress, it’s still sad that You still haven’t pulled yourself all the way together.

With .4 seconds left in 2008, The World Clock shows us the year in toto: what we’ve done, what we’ve lost, how we’ve grown (lord, how we’ve grown!), and how sick we’ve been.

HAPPY 2009, ALL!! (Make it a better one than 2008, or else!)

Of late, whenever I’m approached at a red light by someone from a church organization looking for a donation to keep drugs off kids or trout-mouth slatterns out of the Senate offices or whatever, I tell them I’m an atheist. I’m not (per se), but it ends the discussion and makes me feel like I’ve ruined someone’s good time. I know. It’s horrible of me, and it’s also becoming something of a compulsion. One that I’m going to have to get control of, especially after what I did a few minutes ago.

Last night, we had snow in Austin, and my friend Ann changed her status on Facebook to something about how we should all pray for more snow, and then this happened:

It gets worse, the respondent is a kid, maybe 19. It’s like firing cannonballs at a dinghy, I know, but… eek. This is not good, and certainly not in the Christmas Spirit. I’m not moved to apologize or delete the comment, mind you. I’m more concerned about my becoming someone I wouldn’t want to hang out with.

This was something I was not expecting tonight, but it was most welcome.

Of course, this may mean the city will shut down for a few days until the weather “works itself out.” Oh, what fools these Texans be!

Fred Guerra‘s December calendar will warm the cockles of anyone’s heart. Or loins. Or whatever. It’s below the wrinkle. Click and save!

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Fred Guerra offers up a hotter than normal October with this month’s calendar below the wrinkle. Click and save!

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