News of the Right

My brother sent me an email that was dictated by my nephew, who apparently loves all things Spider-Man:

Sean:

Dominic has Spider Man questions:

1) Can Sandman be killed?

2) Does Spider Man have a Spider Car like the one you can ride in the arcade in Niagara Falls?



Us

To which I responded:

dear nephew and brother,

so far in the comics, the sandman has only been captured, not killed. i’m not even sure how someone made of sand could be killed. maybe he’ll just get old and die that way. plus, spider-man isn’t big on killing.

and

spider-man never had a spider-car in the comics BUT there was a toy spider-car made for action figures - http://www.megomuseum.com/wgsh/playsets/spidercar.html. however, superman had the supermobile for a while when he lost his powers - http://sayitbackwards.blogspot.com/2007/06/supermobile.html. cool, huh?

oh oh oh! did you see the pictures of the puppies i’m taking care of?

lovelove,

uncle sean

Tired then of my brother as an intermediary, my nephew addressed his questions to me directly:

Uncle Sean:

Thanks. How did Superman lose his powers?

I gave my best answer, only vaguely recalling the origin of the Supermoble and how it tied into the activation of Amazo:

kryptonite dust got caught in the earth’s atmosphere and robbed superman of his powers. he built the supermobile to continue to work for good. the supermobile had all his powers - strength, heat vision, x-ray vision, flight, super breath - and was pretty cool

lovelove,

uncle sean

But Dominic loves Spider-Man, not Superman, so his next email got the conversation back on track:

Uncle Sean:

Why does SpiderMan not have the Spider Car? What if SpiderMan lost his powers? I was just wondering.

Love,

Dominic

*whew*! The kid asks some pretty good questions for a four-year old. My part is to answer them without overwhelming him with information, knowing that the questions will keep coming if he’s unsure about something. Also, I know my brother and Dominic do arts and crafts like their “monster specimen jars”:

…and “Good Guys of Oz”:





…so, I thought he’d be up for an art challenge:

dominic,

peter parker, the guy under the spider-man mask is not wealthy. he usually rides the subway everywhere or walks or rides a bike. a car is too expensive for him. also, in new york, there is a LOT of traffic. imagine if spider-man got stuck in traffic driving to help someone. oh oh! and one of spider-man’s powers is to climb walls, right? it would be hard to make a car climb walls.

HOWEVER, i think YOU should come up with a story about a spider-car then draw it for me. we can read it together the next time i see you

i think spider-man DID lose his powers in the comic book one time. a friend of his, a superheroine called “the black cat” helped him get them back, but i don’t know how he lost them or how he got them back. i’ll ask my friends who love spider-man what happened.

love you THIS MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!

uncle sean

My challenge was ignored, but sure enough, he wanted to know more:

Uncle Sean:

Why did SpiderMan have to lose his powers in the comic book? Spiders never lose their powers.

Love you, too.

Dominic

God, I love this kid! So, I respond:

dominic,

what hapened was the two of spider-man’s foes - the scorpion and tarantula - created a machine that took away his powers. eventually, with the help of the black cat, he got them back. you’re right, spiders never lose their powers, but spider-man was born a person, not a spider. he got his powers through an accident.

lovelove,

uncle sean

I’m sure this kid knows I’m a pushover. He knows his Mom is a pushover, so why should any other adult be different? So he turns the challenge back on me BUT he gives me a script to follow:

Uncle Sean:

Could you make me a comic book of SpiderMan? Can you put The Sandman in it trying to kill Peter but SpiderMan caught him in the net with his Spidercar and then the Green Goblin shows up and Peter tries to catch him but he can’t because his net is all full and Venom shows up and then MJ throws a brick at Venom and he goes “Nnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” and then SpiderMan tries to kill Dr. Octopus and then there is a fight and Dr. Octopus dies? He thought he couldn’t but he could. And that’s it.

Dominic

I took a few creative liberties because my art skills have gone down the toilet since I stopped practicing years ago, but also because I’m not going to be the one to introduce him to killing and death (even though he seems to have some awareness of it already). I finished the other day and send this back to him:

For which I got back a simple but lovely:

Uncle Sean:

Thank you!

Dominic

(He had me read it to him twice.)

Awwh! And of course, here’s my little superhero dressed up as his hero:

I love this little guy THIS MUCH!!!!!!!!!

Manhunter #35: FINALLY we have a smackdown worth the name, but what else can one expect from an issue with a bloodied Kate beckoning her enemies forward with a “Bring it.” on the cover? Again, it’s my thing for armed women who aren’t afraid to fire the first shot that draws me back to Manhunter every month. And I never blame Kate or make her out to be a psychopathic monster like.. well, like people say Batman is (though I still don’t see it). A+

Superman/Batman #52: And in this issue we find everything that’s wrong with the DC Universe writ small. All the fun and whimsy and exuberance in the storytelling was sucked out the window when things had to get “real” (read: “somebody had to die”). And what was the point? To teach Li’l Batman that true darkness doesn’t come from seeing one’s parents get pushed? To finally kill Superman in a permanent way that wouldn’t ruin DC’s economic base? To show that the writers are pinheads who toe the DC line? To finally kill comic books? Jesus. F-

Madame Xanadu #4: Once again, Nimue gets cooter-punched by a man she respects/admires/has the humpies for. Twice in this issue alone! I can see that Matt is taking his time in making this adorable (if not incredibly ancient) waif the cold spinstress we all know and love in the present. It’s a pleasure to watch a craftsman who really enjoys his work. A+

The Boys #23: Garth Ennis hates everyone. He hates superheroes. He hates the government. He hates capitalists. He hates his characters. He really hates Marvel. He hates cute. You know what he loves? Garth Ennis. B+

Jesus Hates Zombies with Lincoln Hates Werewolves #1: Iconoclasm rocks. And I think that Jesus would have less problems with this comic than shit like this which justifies shit like this because they’re straight and “forgiven” in His name. Forever and ever. Amen. Allegedly. Dare I say Jesus Hates Zombies is delightful? A laugh a page (maybe more)? Destined for greatness? I dare. Because it is all that (as was written by the prophets of old in “The First Book of Opinions”). ‘Lo! A+

And who knew under all those woolen undergarments that Lincoln was so HAWT (as Michael Bracco portrays him):

BAM KAPOW!, the TMZ of comic news (OH OH OH! Who else is excited that Kenneth Branagh wants to direct the upcoming Thor movie???) has a video that translates V’s inaugural speech in V for Vendetta to great comedic effect.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

–Thanks to PinkKryptonite!

Uncanny X-Men #502: So, Hank McCoy is finally coming out of the closet, eh? If I walked away from this issue with one impression, it’s that Hank has either gone camp or he’s gone Butch Camp. Can anyone else smell the poppers? If I were permitted a second impression, it would be that Scott and Emma need therapy. What’s revealed about Emma in the story is nothing new, but it’s an aspect of her that seems to have been pushed aside to make her and Scott seem more… compatible. Otherwise, this is a fast-paced, fun issue that still under-utilizes the unwieldy cast despite the “family” moments peppered throughout. I can’t totally blame Brubaker, but that’ll change in a month or so. A

War Heroes #2: I think I’ve figured out Mark Millar - he’s the Anne Coulter of comics: strident voice and a talent for upsetting people (if I had to guess I’d say that “people” = “bleeding heart liberals” (whatever that means)) with his childish homophobia and creative violence. However, if one were to turn the volume down a bit - and with Millar the volume is ALWAYS!! SET!! AT!! TWELVE!! - one would find that he isn’t saying very much in terms of his characters or stories. He spends his energy trying to be “more” than he was the previous issue: more shocking, more violent, more offensive, more… well, “loud”. Don’t get me wrong, he’s apt at loud, but as a reader I’m growing a bit weary of it. I’d say he should add in scenes that back off of the intensity, but one has only to look at his painfully subdued work on 1985 - where every scene lacks impact and importance - to see how well that works out. I enjoyed this issue of War Heroes, but like Secret Invasion I’m not sure how much higher the stakes can get as they’re pretty high already. Maybe Millar will surprise me in the final analysis. B-

Wonder Woman #24: The greatest moment in this issue was Diana admitting to Tom that she doesn’t experience his touch the way that he experiences hers. This isn’t an existential statement, it’s a practical statement that I’m surprised no one has considered before. To say nothing of the lifestyle superheroes lead, some, like Diana, are almost invulnerable. What does holding hands with a beloved someone mean to them beyond a symbolic gesture of intimacy? Gail Simone’s talent for characterization and the impact of tiny moments on a story shine here. A+

Secret Invasion #6: I hear issue 8 will close this baby with a shock no one will see coming. Especially me, since I stopped reading as of this issue. F

Final Crisis: Revelations #2: For a comic universe that boasts a wide-ranging pantheon of gods, DC is certainly going Biblical on its readers (which makes sense for a comic titled “Revelations”). The rarely-seen-yet-often-referenced Judeo-Christian God places Herzims more popular props - God’s Vengeance, God’s Mercy, the Spear of Destiny and Cain - on the playing field to get… what? A story of epic scope told on street level, it’s a grand read, but how this will reach across the entire DCU is still a question I can’t answer. Unless… what if the world ended across every DC title? Like they all blinked in the same issue and then in the next all was balanced again. Grant Morrison is certainly bold enough to do this, and the DC editors have shown how good they are at handing down sweeping decrees, so, why not? I’m starting to believe that the lack of “the sky is falling” attitude, prevalent in all DC books during Crisis on Infinite Earths, is purposeful. If no one is expecting the world to end, how much more surprising it will be. A

Stephen King’s The Stand #1: The Stand is the very best in post-apocalyptic literature for me. It encompasses a bit more of the fantastic than Earth Abides or Alas, Babylon, but unlike those rather clunky tomes, King’s vision of the world ending by disease weighed on me for weeks after I was done reading. The beautiful artwork of Marvel’s adaptation alone is worth the price of the issue, but I begged off on starting this series because it’s only five issues long which in my opinion is just not enough space to cover the vastness of the original novel. Let’s call this “The Neverwhere Syndrome”. B-

In more bizarre news, has anyone seen Rob Liefeld’s Godyssey?

Superman/Batman #51: The Li’l Leaguers made my weekend. I haven’t picked up Superman/Batman since Killer Cousin Kara arrived in the book a few years ago (yes, I even missed the now-classic “Superman Gets High“), but after seeing it reviewed at Comic by Comic, I had to head back to my local comic shop and get a copy. Man, it’s all about the juxtaposition! I don’t who this guy Albuquerque is, but his ability to draw the adorable-but-outright-cartoony Junior League next to their muscly-but-human-looking adult counterparts and not cause a huh? in my brain impressed the dickens out of me. Even more than that though, Green and Johnson’s characterizations of Mini-Superman is dead on for his sunny (relatively speaking) disposition (everything is “AWESOME!!” and “COOL!!”), but their genius is in their Mini-Batman who is just Batman in a smaller body (”I’m the goshdarn Batman!”). Though the story drifts in the DCU unfettered by any ties to Trinity or Final Crisis or RIP etc. etc. etc., it’s infinitely more delightful than anything I’ve read in a while. A++

Manhunter #34: There is a LOT going on in this issue, not only in terms of action, but also the extensive cast list. If this were a lesser writer, I’d be concerned that the whole story would fall deep.. ok, deeper into soap opera territory – just look at the complicated (yet “brief”) family history as told by Grandpa Iron and Gramma Phantom Lady – but Marc Andreyko avoids the hysterics while keeping everyone’s lives messy. Spoiler alert, but the cover is completely misleading, and I should be more disappointed than I was, especially after last month’s cliffhanger had me drooling to see Kate and the Birds of Prey kick some Suicide ass. Each side got their licks in, but it wasn’t the slugfest I was hoping for. Still, I came away satisfied with the outcome. With all the brouhaha over Northstar being a celibate eunuch (not redundant; see “Farinelli”) over at Marvel, it’s nice to see Todd (Obsidian finally out on parole from whatever it was he was doing in JSA) and Damon share a little sugar. Of course, we’ve seen them kiss before and have a post-coital moment in bed, so… yeah, this round to DC in the “Gayer than Thou” wars. A+

X-Men: Return of Magik #1: Strange déjà vu because I know I’ve seen these stories before. Any original material of my favorite mutant demon sorceress on the way? No grade.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #18: I’m going to retract 60% of the contempt I had for Joss Whedon’s re-using Dark Willow (as telegraphed from orbit revealed last issue) and say that it lends sufficient pathos to the plot built up around her and the future of the Slayer race (i.e., there is none) to keep me onboard. Still, there’s a lack of focus on the sub-plots - what happened to the Slayers after the castle went BOOM, what is Twilight and how bad are they are chiefly blurry - and adding treants to the mix didn’t clear up the haze. Other than that, the issue really belongs to Xander and Dawn (PLEASE don’t let them get together!!!) and Kennedy for schtupping Willow while voluntarily possessed. B-

The Boys #22: The dénouement of “I Tell You No Lie, GI” doesn’t tell us anything new about the supes or their role in the world, but with the revelation that Wee Hughie is dating an auxiliary Seven member trouble can been seen rising like the sun in the East. And poor Annie. When she blinded A-Train, half on top of her, pants all the way down, I should have cheered the way I cheer for Scully when she draws her gun on the Freak-of-the-Week, but I felt more like she is getting what she deserves for not walking away from the whole mess. I’ll have to read the back issues to find out what’s keeping her there (unless someone can email the info and save me a lot of money). For as strident as people are about Kick Ass’s childish homophobia and cartoonish violence (which, God help me, I enjoy reading), I find The Boys far more troublesome. A-

Secret Six #1: I want to have Gail Simone’s ability to jump into a story head-first, free-style through her characters and kick like mad through sub-plots. (Yes, this is a Michael Phelps-inspired hook. Why?) I don’t even like these people, but her villain-in-a-box and compassionless anti-heroes aren’t really too far off from the actual heroes of the DCU in terms of their heroiclessness. Plus, Catman is hot and needs to be naked more. A+

Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds #1: This this this THIS is how one hosts a Crisis. While I thought that his Revelations wasn’t all that revelatory, Geoff Johns’ first issue of Legion of Three Worlds has convinced me to believe that he knows what he’s doing and ride both titles all the way through. Yes, I’ll say it now: Legion of Three Worlds was perhaps the best mainstream comic I’ve read all year. Perez’s art was Perez’s art (is it ever bad? No.). And as someone who hasn’t followed the exploits of the Legion of Superheroes since Mordru was defeated in some kind of puppy pile-on back in the 70’s, I picked up on the plot almost immediately and was pulled along by the action. My only problem: what the hell is Superman doing here? Yeahyeah, it’s not the Legion without Superman, but isn’t he busy with five or six other titles (two of which have him on Crisis-duty elsewhere in the Universe)? This is more of an editorial issue than a writing issue in the final analysis, but that doesn’t make it less annoying. Still, I’m hooked. I’ll be here to see (from my keyboard to god’s ears) Superboy-Prime spanked hard at some point during this saga. Really. Redemption or no, someone better make this kid cry by the end. A+

Uncanny X-Men #501: Maybe riding the high from Legion of Three Worlds made me enjoy this issue more than I should have, but… I’m going to retract everything I said about X-Men based on reading #500. To be sure, #500 sucked (LORD, did it suck!), but #501 pulled itself out of the suckage and got me feeling all joyous and sad and angry and vengeful for the ‘tants (I’m trying out a new nickname for my favorite homo-superiors to counter the “Mutie scum” hate-cry of the new Hellfire Cult). And was that Jean Grey all decked out as Mistress of Humiliation? Maybe we’re seeing a preview of the next Millar/Land title - Phoenix: The Domination? A

1985 #4: Picked it up. Scanned it. Put it back. F

Final Crisis Revelations #1: There’s a scene in the painfully awkward and unexpectedly popular show Charmed wherein the demon Drake (acted with more zest and believability than anyone else on the show in the entire eight years of its tortured run by Billy Zane) is asked by the anemically acted Paige, “Okay, and how exactly did that (before demon, now human) happen?” to which he replies, “Personally, I hate exposition, but if… All right.” Me, too; I hate exposition. However, having said that, I don’t mind being clued in every once in a while as to what the hell is going on in a story. Libra is stronger than God’s Vengeance? The Question is stronger than The Spear of Destiny (I’m assuming that’s what it was)? And the only satisfactory way that the rabidly evil Dr. Light could be taken out was to be melted by The Spectre? Out of public view? How anti-climactic. There’s a bit of false advertising in the title of this book because not much is revealed, but there’s four issues left, so we’ll see. And though it offers no clues as to the plot, Final Crisis Counseling’s annotation of Final Crisis will draw gooey orgasmic gasps from literature folks. Maybe a reader there will put it all together for us. C+

Wonder Woman #23: Not my favorite arc in Gail Simone’s WW run so far, but it ended… well, it ended. I loved how formal Donna got with Nemesis swearing on her beating heart to be his galpal, his shoulder to cry on and that she’ll be there on his doorstep with a barrel of Ben and Jerry’s when he’s had a hard day of sanctioning people. I think she swore to braid his hair, too. Really, the whole issue was about Nemesis and making him look good. B

Helen Killer #4: I’ve been a fan of this series since before it came out, and now that it’s over, I’m glad it’s not going to overstay its welcome. Not to say I don’t want to see other (short) stories every now and again, but Helen Killer ended on a high note and that note should be allowed to sound out for a while. And I’m not saying this just because I was quoted on the back cover (second only to Stan Lee, thank you very much). Though Helen Killer is over, Andrew Kreisberg will be taking over writing duties for Green Arrow/Black Canary with issue #15. I’ve never read the title, but I will peek at it now. A+

Astonishing X-Men #25: I will say this for Simone Bianchi, he (he is a he, right?) is a risk-taker when it comes to laying out a page. He also loves his spacecrafts. Truth be told I love his spacecrafts. What I don’t like are his ink washes and his portrayal of Storm. How he can make salvaged UFOs float like hot-air balloons, but make her look like a rice sack in flight is a question I can’t answer. Warren Ellis deepens the mystery of the previous issue while ignoring Uncanny X-Men’s ignoring his work. Still, I remain unconvinced that I’ll be keeping this title for more than another month or two. I like the premise, it’s just not a fun read. B

Secret Invasion #5: I swore I wasn’t going to pick up this issue, but when I glanced at it in the store, it looked like the plot was moving forward, so I bought it (I seem to have forswearn myself more than once recently). And, to Bendis’ credit, it did. To Bendis’ detriment, it’s still issue 5 and I’ve waited this long to see that the Skrulls have become intergalactic Republicans who want to save us from ourselves (allegedly). Not conquerors. They’re on our side. Really. They know what’s best for us. Cuz… uhm, yeah, they have an empire. HUGE empire. Right? Right. Oh, and *single tear* for Mockingbird. C+

In geek news, check out the cute old school AD&D alignments poster, but that’s all. Don’t read the rest of the site:





In non-comics-related news, four men claim to have a Bigfoot corpse in their freezer. Skeptics going on photographic evidence only, pooh pooh the claim. I’d like to believe this, but one of the four’s brother-in-law posed as a biologist to support their claims. When discovered, they claimed it was only a joke, but despite that, the Bigfoot corpse is real.

Worth1000.com is having a “Photoshop an AD&D Monster” contest. My bother is going to enter a… ha ha ha. That’s a secret for now. When his entry is accepted, I’ll post the link here for voting purposes.

Manhunter #33: *single tear* There’s no Blue Beetle in this issue (from all appearances, he was drafted into Final Crisis #3 to do.. whatever it is that’s going on in that book), but there are still guest-appearances galore, and hints of a major ass-kicking next issue by some of my favorite DC ladies. Kate hasn’t done anything of questionable morality lately, and I’m wondering if she’s lost her edge being a family woman now. Nah. Still, Kate needs some ethical dilemma to cut her way through. And soon! A-

Final Crisis #3 Since this series began I was under the impression that it was going to touch all the titles of the DCU, but I’ve recently been told otherwise. This confuses me because I know that Morrison is a great writer who doesn’t go in for half-told tales, yet Final Crisis continues to give only glimpses into the full story of the “War of the Fourth World” (as I see it shaping up to be) while wasting time on sub-plots and characters who ultimately don’t do anything. Again, maybe “don’t do anything yet,” but still, the waiting is getting painful. I don’t love FC, but I’m not ready to drop it either. The regeneration of the Forever People as Japanese pop heroes is a funny sub-plot and I’m always wanting news of my grrlfriend Mary Marvel. Morrison once gave 6 billion people super-powers to stop an alien invasion, so what will he do this time to save the world? B

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #17: Really, Joss? Dark Willow? Again? 200 years in the future and dressed like Mary Shelly? Really, Joss? C

The Boys #21: I should have collected this series from issue one, but a review by someone whose opinion I respect overrode my curiosity, and didn’t think that the series was worth a look. Eventually, my scholarly nature overrode my repulsion and I took a look. I can’t disagree with many things that have been said about The Boys: it’s depraved, sexist, decadent, self-indulgent, tawdry and 1,000 other denigrating adjectives that add up to one of the edgiest reads since The Walking Dead. Being a completist, I’m definitely going to find the back issues and enjoy the horror. A+

Marry Me: I’m not a big fan of Amerimanga (or whatever the kids call it these days) - American artists borrowing manga styles stroke-for-stroke - because it’s so… stylishless, like a dress made of beautiful fabric held together with staples. Still, Marry Me is a cute and breakneck-paced romantic comedy that will be made into a November-release movie within the next year, no doubt. B+

Myth #1: Ah, yes, PORN! Mystech porn! Mystech gay porn stacked full of semi- to fully-naked men all of whom are hung like the tentacles from that squid in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Talk about not seeing the forest for the trees, I have no idea what happened in the story, but it seemed hot. Really, where do guys like that hang out and can I get a membership? Oh! Accidental pun! B+

Why Do You Cry When I’m on Top?: Funny shit even if it’s all absurd potty humor pushed past good taste but without entering crass. B

In the news, Jeff Trexler of uncivilsociety.org has posted an enlightening article about the early creative history of Superman entitled “Lois Lane’s Abortion and the Gay Superman”. A deeper look at these documents is in Men of Tomorrow: Geeks, Gangsters, and the Birth of the Comic Book, which I highly recommend.

As we turn to our video video features for the week, I’m going to note again that I’m not a big believer in permanently linking to YouTube as they appear and disappear so frequently. I’d honestly rather have my own copy to distribute, but that’s not always possible. Therefore, I offer up these transitory morsels. First, The Muppets’ Beaker performing Ode to Joy:





Then, the never-before-seen-now-virally-seen pilot of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Animated Series:




And finally, I cannot believe that Bill Donohue hasn’t had a rage-induced stroke over the soon-to-be-released Hamlet 2 and its musical interlude, “Rock Me, Sexy Jesus”:

Fantastic Four: True Story #1: According to this month’s solicitations, one should expect that





which is so frenetic of language it couldn’t be outdone. Right? Oh, so very wrong. Scroll a little further down the page and one finds:





They come on a little strong, don’t they? While I can’t speak to the content of True Believers, I can for True Story. Was the title oversold? The package more delightful than the present? Most definitely. The idea is a good one (in a Gaiman-after-an-all-night-bender kind of way), but the execution of the characters by Cornell (Reed saying that reading Sue’s word balloon was “cool”? Unlikely.) and the uneven artwork of Domingues (it got better by the end, except for Sue’s hair) has a lark-y quality that doesn’t fly very gracefully nor very far before falling to Earth. D+ (Werd to Joveth for the solicitation info.)

Thor #10: I said I wasn’t going to pick up this issue, but with the opening pages set in Kansas (the part of the MJS’s plot I’ve found to be most winning), I forewent my resolution and was thrilled to find the plot was not as same same same as I had thought it would become. Loki, no longer the “god of lies” (and per se, no longer a god), is now a messenger of truth, but as any bridesmaid confronted by the question “Do you like the dress I picked out for you?” knows, the truth can hurt. A

Justice Society of America Annual #1: I don’t typically follow the JSA, but with all the anticipation surrounding this issue and what it means for Final Crisis (if anything) and Power Girl (a lot), I forked over my $3.99 and discovered a title I’ll be adding to my regular pull list. Dammit. My only fear is that there will never be a definitive answer to “Who is Power Girl?”, just an end to the story arc. Bonus: Helena Wayne as The Huntress. A

In other news:

Orson Scott Card calls gay marriage “the end of democracy in America”, but he’s not a homophobe (much like Dave Sim isn’t a misogynist). No, no. Paranoid science fiction writer living in a paranoid world? Yeah, I’ll buy that. AfterElton.com reacts.

Also from AfterElton.com, an editorial about the new X-Files movie. I haven’t seen it myself and before I comment I will be sure to. My only complaint (SPOILER ALERT!): no aliens!!!!

Finally, from Fanboys of the Universe via Joveth, a marvelous kiss:

First, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Right. Better now. On to the comics!

Madame Xanadu #2: Matt, you’ve restored my faith in your story-telling abilities. Don’t screw it up. A+

War Heroes #1: Have you ever ridden cross-country on a bus, surrounded by soldiers on holiday leave? I have, and, Deity love the troops, but I think half of them are insane or at least in desperate need of some reality therapy. Maybe some estrogen just to take the edge off. Seriously. I heard one guy give the most earnest account of how he had been stationed at Area 51, how it was all hush-hush and “every fucking thing you ever thought about that place is real, man!” at the top of his lungs. I’m not saying he was representative of the troops in general, just of the ones who take buses cross-country (how I wish he had been the only soldier of that kind I’ve met). Mark Millar seems to share my opinion. His war heroes are not noble nor are they caught in a situation of their control; they are in the war for the glory and the power. I fear Millar may be saying something about our broader culture - lionizing the troops and the war while we give up privacy and the safety of our children. The story is hardly nuanced, but it is intriguing. And condemning. A (it would have been an “A+” but Millar really needs to stop writing closing letters in his comics. He looks like a self-obsessed maniac.)

X-Men #500: Besides this being an historic moment for Marvel Comics, there had to be several reasons to publish this story. I’m guessing the primary reason was to completely undermine the premises Warren Ellis built in Astonishing X-Men #25, to say nothing of Simone’s designs. New place to live (and it’s GREEN. there’s lots of to do about how GREEN the new X-mansion is, to the point where Hank calls Logan “that awful little Canadian” for his non-GREEN, smog-loving ways). New costumes. New plot that has nothing to do with Ellis’ plot though the cast is exactly the same. And this “new plot” is depressingly old: Sentinels and Magneto? “Mutie” haters? Oh, dear. I know I’ve said 100 times before that I long for a return to the old days of comics, but I meant good writing, interesting stories, characters I can relate to, not actual old stories. Speaking of the Claremont Hole, Nightcrawler appeared out of nowhere! I know that’s his power, but he wasn’t shown as being a member of the team, in the SF area or even near the X-mansion, yet - BAMF! - he gets one word and one panel of face time, then falls back into the event singularity. Also, no less than three times did someone comment on the spectacular views of SF then completely fail to show us said views. It’s an anniversary issue: go crazy with the page count! And Greg Land, step away from the lightboard and take a drawing class. This kind of over-the-top reaction to the mayor of San Francisco’s stance on the First Amendment





is best left to posturing for an enemy who’s actually trying to kill the X-Men. F-

And a special “Thanks, rotten orange!” to Joveth for mentioning me and Frater Mine at the Prism Emerging Voices panel at Comic-Con. Shout outs are always welcome and very cool. Let me know when you do one and I’ll send you a McDonald’s gift certificate.

Helen Killer #3: What could be more damaging to the reputation of the sainted Helen Killer than to portray her as a whore? And while one is at it, why not put the image on the front cover of a comic book? Oh, the joy of iconoclasm! In the most over-the-top issue so far in a series that was halfway to the moon to begin with, Helen goes under-the-covers to scare up anarchist Elisha Grey in this penultimate chapter of the series. A+

1985 #3: Like Secret Invasion, 1985 is halfway done and there’s not a shred of evidence that the plot is going anywhere. Like Toby and his Dad’s encounter with Modok, there’s no urgency in the tale (really, that was the slowest getaway scene since Tuistas‘ interpretation of Esther Williams in a Richard Donner film). The surreal “now you see ‘em, now you don’t” of heroes and villains adds to mystery of the tale (the Big Questions being “Why are only villains popping into this world? (yeah yeah, there was the Hulk, but in 1985 he had been a full-fledged hero for, what, 20 minutes?)” and “What’s their Evil Agenda?”), but doesn’t take time to clue the reader in. I like how the Hulk and Juggernaut disappeared from Toby’s life because that seems to be the way real life would work: a chance encounter with a hero, before normal life takes over again (contrasted with the narcissistic “Rick Jones’ Method of Injecting Oneself into a Hero’s Life. Forever.”). However, I don’t like how they disappeared from the story (known as “Falling into a Claremont Hole”). I’ll glance at the next issue, but I’m thinking this is the one where I get off. D

Five things you need to know about The Dark Knight:

1. Christian Bale is an excellent Bruce Wayne, but his Batman needs a lozenge.
2. I’ve never seen the Joker as a violent sociopath, but more as an annoyance. Then Heath Ledger came along.
3. This is the first time ever that a villain team-up made sense in a movie.
4. Listen for the words “need”, “want” and “deserve”. They will tell you everything you need to know about the plot.
5. The secondary cast members give performances just as demanding as the lead actors. Blink and you’ll miss Anthony Michael Hall.

Of course, the word on every comic geek’s lips this weekend is “Watchmen”, since the full-length trailer debuted in front of The Dark Knight. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve never read the graphic novel, and will probably be fined for saying so. I’ll have to pick up a copy and finish is before the poseurs do. I hate being in the middle of a phenomena.

Mattel crossed a line for some people by releasing the Black Canary Barbie, a tartier version of an already loose doll. The odd thing is, I really can’t find any original complaints online, just an article in The Sun that says people are upset.

OMG EEEEEEE Joss Whedon’s superhero musical “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” starring Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Filion is online for this week only before going for sale on iTunes. I’ve always had a crush on Nathan Filion, but I fear that he’s been ousted from my heart by NPH. Of course, he’ll have to share space with Rick Schroeder, and ya know, should… anything… happen there while they’re… ya know, waiting for me… like a pillow fight in their underwear, then, uhm…. yeah, I’d be cool with that.





Best line: “The hammer is my penis.”

The script for Frater Mine #8 (”The Knights Come Riding”) was finished this just past weekend and already my brother has the cover ready to go!

Though, like the cover for issue 7, I have no idea why he’s supranumerated (if such a word exists) the issue. Ah well. I’ll blame it on the summer.

The BFF and I got our picture in the Austin American Statesman for going to the 100th Guerrilla Queer Bar event. Looks like we’re famous (yet, oddly, still single).

From Captions & Balloons, comes the next comic I can’t wait to read, Jesus Hates Zombies:

(via Chris’ Invincible Super-Blog)

Michael Chabon wrote an article for the New Yorker entitled “Secret Skin”, linking fashion and superhero costumes.

Wonder Woman #22: I’m not much for dream sequences because they’re never handled well (the exception being the “Restless” episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer), though in this issue Gail Simone certainly has the surreal overlapping of times and places down pat. This seems like a long way to go just to reintroduce some of DC’s old 1970’s characters, especially because they’re “not real”. I think. I’m really hoping for Beowulf and Claw pop into the real world to help Diana fight the Devil. Stalker’s really real, so why not them as well? Best line of the book: “Warmongering succulent!” A

Secret Invasion #4: Punch shoot punch shoot. Repeat. Secret Invasion is becoming less and less expansive each month and more and more pointlessly violent. I get that it’s a war and violence is part and parcel therein, but it feels unimportant. Each panel that shows someone getting the tar beaten out of them is one panel not dedicated to plot. As with Final Crisis, I look to Crisis on Infinite Earths as the gold standard of events. Why not pack each page full of battle and discovery and paranoia? Why have the heroes in the Savage Land been chasing Empress Spider-Woman around uselessly for half the story? She’s not trying to hide and from all indications she’s undefended and slow-moving. This may be the last issue for me. C-

Final Crisis: Requiem: I read Requiem in the comics store and was touched by the story, but I refused to buy it in protest for the shabby and ignominious way in which J’onn J’onzz was dispatched by the powers-that-be at DC. I know that every ….Crisis at DC requires casualties, and the editors pick their victims for shock and awe value, but I don’t see why it had to be J’onn, especially since I don’t think he’ll stay dead long. C’mon, when he telepathically contacted all his friends, different parts of their faces were subverted by his. I see a Wrath of Khan resurrection coming up which makes me more grumpy than the death in the first place. I’m really hoping that Final Crisis resets all of the DCU so the stories can be finally unburdened by years and years of bizarre continuity. Sadly, with the main titles barely even mentioning the current Crisis and Trinity only a few weeks into its year-long run, I don’t see that happening. I guess I can look forward to being surprised by Grant Morrison’s next several issues.

Other News: Witchblade: the Complete Series will be available July 29, 2008. Even better, Friday the 13th: the Series will be available September 23, 2008. I loved these shows and cannot wait to possess them on DVD!

Comics Should be Good has an exhaustive list of Comic Book Urban Legends which, in addition to their regularly expansive articles, will cost you hours and hours of productivity to get through (they’re nearing 200 stories as I write this). Celebrity porn for the comic book set.

Brian Andersen of So Super Duper fame has a new comic book coming out: Reignbow and Dee-va which he’s hoping to finish up in time for Comic Con. He’s been nice enough to send along a few preview pages. Click to see the full-sized images.













Finally, Claymation seems to be a theme in my life this week (maybe the Universe was prepping me for the opening sequence from Hellboy II), begun by the following two videos. I try to avoid posting from YouTube because one never knows how long the videos will be available for, but I’ll make an exception here. The first is from a dark “children’s” movie called The Adventures of Mark Twain; anyone remember this from their childhood? The second is Primus’ cover of “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”. Funny, but one of these days, someone has to give Johnny’s reels a bump up to the truly ecstatic. Frankly, had I been judging, the Devil would have won.









Happy Saturday!

From Scott McGrath and Juan Romera come images of Frater Mine #7, “Through the Wave that Runs for Ever”. At the end of issue six Matt, Mark and Colleen became fugitives from the law. With so much at stake, why does a fuzzy magical bunny take center stage in issue 7?

UPDATE: Oops! The cover says it’s for issue 8, but it’s really for issue 7.

Astonishing X-Men #25: Warren Ellis and Simone Bianchi take over for Whedon and Cassady and actually make changes to the X-Men (the most prominent and well-advertised of which is their move to San Francisco)! The dialogue is banterful and the watchword for the series is “CSI”. My only complaints are Armor (she’s the latest ingenue? Ugh. Hardly a worthy successor to Kitty or Jubilee) and her tiresome “make me and X-man” paean; the clunky depictions of Ororo (the Julie Taymor-inspired headdress can hardly be aero-dynamic); and the dark, muddy colors (seriously. Hold the issue at arm’s length and page = my cake in MacArthur Park). B+

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #16: Yay seeing Fray again! Yay Dawn as a centaur! Yay Kennedy and Willow! Yay Kennedy threatening Buffy! Yay getting back to the Big Bad for the series (finally!)! A

Manhunter #32: As ever, Manhunter stands free from the “events” twisting the DCU inside out this year (though the subplots bump into Batman’s and the Justice League’s Big Players), and she’s doing just fine without that mess because she’s already in plenty of trouble. What I like most about Manhunter is that it’s free to develop interesting plots and relationships that don’t need to be reconciled to 70+ years of baggage. I see folks have been accusing Marc Andreyko of pushing his liberal agenda in this arc, but the questions are “is this a problem if the story is set in El Paso?” and “Is Kate herself is a liberal?”; I mean, she hunts down criminals and has killed several of them during her time as a hero. Is this liberalism? Conservativism? Anarchism? A+

Billy Batson and the Magic of Shazam #1: I wanted to like this series, especially after the enjoyable Shazam and the Monster Society of Evil, but I’m still a bigger fan of the classic Shazam! Family stories from the 70’s. It’s a cute comics, but Captain Marvel is just a Billy Batson in a bulkier body, unlike Smith’s version which showed them as two separate personalities (they could even talk to each other). After the horribly odd and poorly-paced Trials of Shazam! and the ridiculous abuse of Mary Marvel in Countdown, I wonder if anyone knows how to write these characters well. C+

Heresy #1: It took me three reads to get into the story of Heresy mostly because of the art. Not that the art is hideous or anything, but the photo-realistic style makes it difficult to distinguish one dark-haired guy from another; luckily, the dialogue repeats the characters’ names enough times that I was able to sort out who was who before I lost interest, which would have been a shame. It’s a mystery story, so not everything is revealed at once, but what we learn connects post-Tsar Russia with a modern experiment with (I’m guessing) reanimated tissue. Pre-order at Ape Entertainment. B+

Stephen King’s The Stand: While not available until August, I got a sketchbook of the adaptation this week. The art looks good, but I’m always wary of adaptations; they never seem to carry the tone of the books through them, which should be the easiest thing on the world to do with the right artist. Look at Gaiman’s Neverworld comic or The Dresden Files - the artists were completely wrong for what the books are about, to say nothing is the useless and distracting the extra-textual material that took away time from actual textual material. I’m not saying this is the case for The Stand, but my first red flag (hee hee, pun) went up when I saw the nuclear explosion on the cover.

I’ve been away from “That’s My Bag” for a few weeks for two reasons: I was trying to get my review of Justin Hall and Dave Davenport’s Hard to Swallow #3 for Prism Comics (which turned out to be much better as an interview (can I say how much these guys crack me up?)), and for two weeks when I went to ABC there wasn’t anything I couldn’t live without or I would buy one book and not want to talk about it on its own. Finally this week I have five books to review.

Grendel: Behold the Devil #8: Whu..? But she said… And then he… Why did…? Fail. F

1985 #2: The first of my ambivalent reviews. I like it, but the build-up is a bit slow, like the story is being parsed out so it can support six issues instead of four. Of course, it could be that the plot is so awesome that it requires this much groundwork to be laid before said awesomeness can be revealed. Here’s hoping. B

Final Crisis #2: I didn’t hate this issue, but at the same time I didn’t see any reason to love it. I still don’t know how Final Crisis can be going on at the same time as Trinity, but there’s no reference to one in the other. Also, didn’t Turpin meet Darkseid’s new body last issue? So, why is he now being referenced as “the father of Kalibak”? Have the gods of Apokalypse gone viral? I’m intrigued if only because the information presented so far is too sparse to see the Big Picture, but far-ranging enough to know there is a Big (if not Supremely Large) Picture to be seen. But, really, what does a barroom brawl between metas in Tokyo have to do with anything and will it be worth the 8 out of 30 pages spent on it (I’m actually hoping Sonny Sumo will turn out to be Barda and with Mister Miracle being a mysterious black man, well… go, gay gods, go!). B

Madame Xanadu #1: I’ve been hurt by you before, Matt Wagner, and you know what it is you’ve done to me. Yes, I’ve seen you become unnecessarily intent on your choice of cold cuts at the supermarket when you see me pass through produce. It’s your guilt, Matt. You can’t bring yourself to look at me and with good reason. You should feel bad about what you’ve done, and if you lead me astray again with Madame Xanadu, I’ll give up all pretense of us trying to “just be friends.” (a cautious) A

Wonder Woman #21: I know Gail has a plan for this story arc, but I wish she’d clue the rest of us in. Also, I’ve seen Diana’s red talon before; I just can’t remember where. B

I used to have the basic boxed set of Villains & Vigilantes (plus three modules - Crisis at Crusader Citadel, Death Duel with the Destroyers and The Island of Doctor Apocalypse - but gave it to my cousins after staying at their house one summer. I have no idea why I did that, nor why I want it all back so badly.

An aside: that was also the summer I discovered Star Blazers. I wonder if there’s a connection.

Prism Comics: Your LGBT Guide to Comics 2008 has finally arrived in stores! As ever, the Guide looks back on the GLBTQ (or whatever order/nature of the acronym you prefer) comic events/characters of 2007 as well as offers some original articles and comics. Edited by the oh-so-adorable Jonathan Riggs with a wrap-around cover by a man I’ve never heard of before but am terribly taken by, Jackademus

My contribution is called “Gods and Gays”, which Jonathan was able to focus into a survey of “how gay readers view the theology of comics”, rather than the daunting “compleat history of God in comics and what the gays think of Him” I had originally envisioned. The article, redacted and superbly accessorized with appropriate comic panels, looks better than I had imagined (and I imagined it being great to start with), but, sadly, is shorter than the 10,000+ word monster I handed in. So, for those who are interested, I’ve put the uncut version here. Other articles to check out are PKA’s “A Queer Comic Report Card”, MK Czerwiec’s “Night Nurse”,