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May 8, 2008

Which dog?

by @ 5:06 pm. Filed under Pets, asshattery, couldn't get any worse, first day on the job



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My pussydog Hogan is a sub looking for a masterful Alpha. Seriously. He was obviously part of a pack before I got him (I also suspect he was raised by Hispanic lesbian construction workers who drove a pickup), and being on is own now is not his idea of a good time. He will cry to get the attention of other dogs or cats or people or birds or whomever he feels is ignoring him. This horror is that because he’s a pit bull his aggressive friendliness is interpreted as aggression full stop. People cross the street to get away from him; cats scurry for cover (which makes him think they want to play and the chase is on!); and other dogs bark at him like bullies do to the socially awkward 4th grader on the playground.

Poor little guy.

Thus, I’ve decided to get Hogan a companion dog. However, because I also have cats, I’d like to get a dog that can be friends with the cats, too. Yeah, that’s asking a lot, but if the companion dog were a puppy, he could learn how to dominate Hogan (the 3 month old Chow mix next door has already figured out how to do that, so how hard can it be?) AND be dominated by the cats. That narrows the field of candidates considerably, I should say.

Going to Town Lake Animal Center is like getting a tetanus shot on Christmas Day. The staff there is wonderful, but looking at all the dogs and cats in their pens and knowing that some of them are not going to be alive at the end of the week makes me wonder how immured they are from their charges. If I worked there I’d certainly have more than one dog and three cats. That or I be an hysterical basketcase. Whichever. On my visit yesterday, I found two dogs that I completely fell in love with (if I were being totally honest I’d say I fell in love with several dogs, but only two matched my criteria). For your (and my) consideration:


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Leo, Prisoner #A507794. I didn’t get to play with Leo because his pen was locked. Apparently, puppies need less contact with the outside world than grown-up dogs - something about catching diseases. I know he’ll get adopted right away because.. well, jeez, just look at him! Isn’t he just delicious??


oliver.jpg


Oliver, Prisoner #A506636. Oliver was brought in a few weeks ago with his sister, who was subsequently adopted. According to Sara, the adoptor screening lady (who was a doll), Oliver has been lost ever since. She told me that he “stops, drops and rolls” whenever there’s a loud noise or another dog barks at him. Literally, he gets into Chinese fire drill position and refuses to move until his episode is over. Before we spoke, I hadn’t even seen Oliver, but Sara convinced me to go visit him. Awwh! What a sweetie he was!! I took him to a private walking area, let him off the leash and hung out for about 20 minutes. We played fetch, and I gave him a few treats, but after a few minutes all he wanted to do was sit down and lean against me, which we did for a few minutes before leaving the pen.

Then some weirdness happened.

There was this guy taking his dog (a pit bull - which is not and indictment against pit bulls! Lord knows I love those little guys!) back to her cage at the same time I was taking Oliver back to his. We must have gotten too close or something, because the pit growled at Oliver, who then dropped to the ground and hid his face between my legs. The dude moved on, but even after a minute or so of waiting and with some treat-baiting, Oliver refused to get up and walk with me. I was content to wait, but I felt a bit foolish because I didn’t know what to do to make him move, if indeed there was anything to be done.

Then Mr. Pit Bull Walker came over and asked, “Why isn’t he moving?”

I replied, “I think he’s scared. He apparently does this a lot.”

So, the guy grabbed Oliver by the scruff of the neck and lifted him to his feet, saying, “He’s not scared. Look at his tail. he’s just being stubborn.”

I was a bit confused at this point because while I’ve moved my cats that way, I was uncertain if that was the right thing to do to a dog who obviously has a problem. But, is it better to let him have his episode or show him a bit of discipline? Without knowing the dog better, I wasn’t sure which was the right thing to do.

Right then, a woman from the office started walking towards us. I smiled and said, “I was told he might do this. What’s the best thing to do?” Whereupon she yelled, “STOP!” and I felt the leash tug on my wrist. I turned to look at Oliver and see this Dickwad pulling Oliver (unwillingly) across the lawn by the leash, with it more or less choking him. The woman was on us by now and I felt like this guy had ruined my chances to get this dog or any dog again, ever. She screamed politely at him, “That is not the way to handle a dog!” he tried to give her some lip about that’s what dogs’ mothers do, but she ignored him and picked up Oliver and took him to his cage.

The woman was very nice to me and said that Oliver had some walking-on-a-leash issues, and I explained that Sara had already told me that. Then all I felt was humiliated, like I had done something horrible by not knowing how to control the situation with Oliver. She was very reassuring and said that Sara doesn’t recommend animals to people unless she’s sure they’d be a match. Then all I felt was about an inch tall, like I’d failed a test, which it wasn’t and I know that intellectually.

Lord only knows what people with babies go through every day.

Anyway, that’s when I left the shelter. I have to get Zaph and Rose’s update vaccination papers, but after that I can adopt whomever.

Uh.. it seems like I’ve already made up my mind, doesn’t it?

March 28, 2008

20 Worst Comic Book Movies. Ever.

by @ 2:57 pm. Filed under comic books, couldn't get any worse, movies


Click on Ghost Rider (a steaming turd of a movie, to be sure) for the list.


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I was really disappointed to see Supergirl on this list. I LOVE Supergirl!!! Same thing with Barbarella and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. God help me, I enjoyed Daredevil, too.

But some moves seem to be missing. What about Dr. Strange? God awful!! And Captain America? The Salinger talent must have skipped a generation. Or the unreleased Fantastic Four? Two words: Roger Corman.

November 15, 2007

Smallville kvetch

by @ 11:55 pm. Filed under Smallville, TV, couldn't get any worse, kvetch


Yeah, I don’t know why I keep watching either

BUT

I was pumped for Helen “Supergirl” Slater to be guest appearing as Lara-El (another L.L. (well, “L. El”) in Superman’s life). How is it possible that she’s even more adorable now than she was when she was 20? She still has that strange, breathy, hesitant cadence (but with a huskier bouquet) which I always found to be charming. I just wanted to reach into the screen and hug her, she was so sweet.

BUT

Dammit. I was on the couch with the dog and the housemate working ourselves into a frenzy PRAYING that the people who write Smallville would let Lara do some aerial ballet just before she read Zor-El his beads. How COOL would THAT have been???

BUT

No. Lara, for whatever reason, remained powerless. No flight, no super-strength, not even an accidental super-sneeze. Then there was Zor-El, zipping around like HE was the Last Son of Krypton (for as many of them as there are “last”) sent to Earth 20-some years ago with all that time to develop his powers. But, for having been “born” at the same moment as Zor-El, Lara stayed essentially human. Helen Slater was terribly underused

AND

Since when does blue kryptonite render Superman powerless? Wasn’t that the only kryptonite he suffered no ill effects from? The only kryptonite that would hurt Bizarro?

AND

Why all the “it happened off-stage” moments this season? God, it’s worse than Battlestar Galactica’s starting with an action sequence then flashing “24 hours earlier” across the screen every single week. Kara betrays kal-el? The ring is removed? Clark searches high and low for the missing Kara for almost 20 seconds before he exhausts all possible places to look?

ALSO

Have the current writers not seen previous seasons? I SWEAR Julian Luthor came back before only to die miserably in a back alley somewhere. And GAWD that clunky exposition scene between “Grant” and Lex! Then Jor-El says he will “finally” apply a consequence for Clark’s disobeying him AGAIN? What was Season 4 all about? What kind of control issues does this guy have?

ARGH.

No, really. Why do I do this every week?

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— in response to The Sex Movie

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Orthocomics is an indy comics studio that works in affiliation with Making Comics Studios. Titles currently on the market are Frater Mine the oh-so-tantalizingly-familiar Generic Goddess Coming soon: PRAXIS!!

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