News of the Right

Final Crisis Revelations #1: There’s a scene in the painfully awkward and unexpectedly popular show Charmed wherein the demon Drake (acted with more zest and believability than anyone else on the show in the entire eight years of its tortured run by Billy Zane) is asked by the anemically acted Paige, “Okay, and how exactly did that (before demon, now human) happen?” to which he replies, “Personally, I hate exposition, but if… All right.” Me, too; I hate exposition. However, having said that, I don’t mind being clued in every once in a while as to what the hell is going on in a story. Libra is stronger than God’s Vengeance? The Question is stronger than The Spear of Destiny (I’m assuming that’s what it was)? And the only satisfactory way that the rabidly evil Dr. Light could be taken out was to be melted by The Spectre? Out of public view? How anti-climactic. There’s a bit of false advertising in the title of this book because not much is revealed, but there’s four issues left, so we’ll see. And though it offers no clues as to the plot, Final Crisis Counseling’s annotation of Final Crisis will draw gooey orgasmic gasps from literature folks. Maybe a reader there will put it all together for us. C+

Wonder Woman #23: Not my favorite arc in Gail Simone’s WW run so far, but it ended… well, it ended. I loved how formal Donna got with Nemesis swearing on her beating heart to be his galpal, his shoulder to cry on and that she’ll be there on his doorstep with a barrel of Ben and Jerry’s when he’s had a hard day of sanctioning people. I think she swore to braid his hair, too. Really, the whole issue was about Nemesis and making him look good. B

Helen Killer #4: I’ve been a fan of this series since before it came out, and now that it’s over, I’m glad it’s not going to overstay its welcome. Not to say I don’t want to see other (short) stories every now and again, but Helen Killer ended on a high note and that note should be allowed to sound out for a while. And I’m not saying this just because I was quoted on the back cover (second only to Stan Lee, thank you very much). Though Helen Killer is over, Andrew Kreisberg will be taking over writing duties for Green Arrow/Black Canary with issue #15. I’ve never read the title, but I will peek at it now. A+

Astonishing X-Men #25: I will say this for Simone Bianchi, he (he is a he, right?) is a risk-taker when it comes to laying out a page. He also loves his spacecrafts. Truth be told I love his spacecrafts. What I don’t like are his ink washes and his portrayal of Storm. How he can make salvaged UFOs float like hot-air balloons, but make her look like a rice sack in flight is a question I can’t answer. Warren Ellis deepens the mystery of the previous issue while ignoring Uncanny X-Men’s ignoring his work. Still, I remain unconvinced that I’ll be keeping this title for more than another month or two. I like the premise, it’s just not a fun read. B

Secret Invasion #5: I swore I wasn’t going to pick up this issue, but when I glanced at it in the store, it looked like the plot was moving forward, so I bought it (I seem to have forswearn myself more than once recently). And, to Bendis’ credit, it did. To Bendis’ detriment, it’s still issue 5 and I’ve waited this long to see that the Skrulls have become intergalactic Republicans who want to save us from ourselves (allegedly). Not conquerors. They’re on our side. Really. They know what’s best for us. Cuz… uhm, yeah, they have an empire. HUGE empire. Right? Right. Oh, and *single tear* for Mockingbird. C+

In geek news, check out the cute old school AD&D alignments poster, but that’s all. Don’t read the rest of the site:





In non-comics-related news, four men claim to have a Bigfoot corpse in their freezer. Skeptics going on photographic evidence only, pooh pooh the claim. I’d like to believe this, but one of the four’s brother-in-law posed as a biologist to support their claims. When discovered, they claimed it was only a joke, but despite that, the Bigfoot corpse is real.

Worth1000.com is having a “Photoshop an AD&D Monster” contest. My bother is going to enter a… ha ha ha. That’s a secret for now. When his entry is accepted, I’ll post the link here for voting purposes.

Helen Killer #3: What could be more damaging to the reputation of the sainted Helen Killer than to portray her as a whore? And while one is at it, why not put the image on the front cover of a comic book? Oh, the joy of iconoclasm! In the most over-the-top issue so far in a series that was halfway to the moon to begin with, Helen goes under-the-covers to scare up anarchist Elisha Grey in this penultimate chapter of the series. A+

1985 #3: Like Secret Invasion, 1985 is halfway done and there’s not a shred of evidence that the plot is going anywhere. Like Toby and his Dad’s encounter with Modok, there’s no urgency in the tale (really, that was the slowest getaway scene since Tuistas‘ interpretation of Esther Williams in a Richard Donner film). The surreal “now you see ‘em, now you don’t” of heroes and villains adds to mystery of the tale (the Big Questions being “Why are only villains popping into this world? (yeah yeah, there was the Hulk, but in 1985 he had been a full-fledged hero for, what, 20 minutes?)” and “What’s their Evil Agenda?”), but doesn’t take time to clue the reader in. I like how the Hulk and Juggernaut disappeared from Toby’s life because that seems to be the way real life would work: a chance encounter with a hero, before normal life takes over again (contrasted with the narcissistic “Rick Jones’ Method of Injecting Oneself into a Hero’s Life. Forever.”). However, I don’t like how they disappeared from the story (known as “Falling into a Claremont Hole”). I’ll glance at the next issue, but I’m thinking this is the one where I get off. D

Five things you need to know about The Dark Knight:

1. Christian Bale is an excellent Bruce Wayne, but his Batman needs a lozenge.
2. I’ve never seen the Joker as a violent sociopath, but more as an annoyance. Then Heath Ledger came along.
3. This is the first time ever that a villain team-up made sense in a movie.
4. Listen for the words “need”, “want” and “deserve”. They will tell you everything you need to know about the plot.
5. The secondary cast members give performances just as demanding as the lead actors. Blink and you’ll miss Anthony Michael Hall.

Of course, the word on every comic geek’s lips this weekend is “Watchmen”, since the full-length trailer debuted in front of The Dark Knight. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve never read the graphic novel, and will probably be fined for saying so. I’ll have to pick up a copy and finish is before the poseurs do. I hate being in the middle of a phenomena.

Mattel crossed a line for some people by releasing the Black Canary Barbie, a tartier version of an already loose doll. The odd thing is, I really can’t find any original complaints online, just an article in The Sun that says people are upset.

OMG EEEEEEE Joss Whedon’s superhero musical “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” starring Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Filion is online for this week only before going for sale on iTunes. I’ve always had a crush on Nathan Filion, but I fear that he’s been ousted from my heart by NPH. Of course, he’ll have to share space with Rick Schroeder, and ya know, should… anything… happen there while they’re… ya know, waiting for me… like a pillow fight in their underwear, then, uhm…. yeah, I’d be cool with that.





Best line: “The hammer is my penis.”

Could I love Spacedog’s Helen Killer any more?

Actually, yes, I could, but first the good news. I have to give Kreisberg and Rice their due for avoiding the “second issue slump”, the annoying tendency of mini-series’ quality dropping off after a heady first issue. Helen Killer #2 pumps out the action from page one and brings Helene face-to-face with her arch nemesis, then unfortunately ends before they can exchange names. Hands down, this is the strangest and borderline tackiest para-history I’ve ever read, but, being a teacher of the deaf by day, I get no small thrill out of a comic book challenging the sacrosanct image of Hellen Keller. No doubt she was the original poster girl for “Deaf can do anything…”, but to see her do all these dirty deeds as a sighted- and hearing-person has raised more than a few eyebrows with my students.

The bad news is not all that bad: I want to see more of Helen’s character develop. The times that truly thrill me are when she has an interior monologue. I’d like to know what she’s thinking when the Omnicle is off. I mean, all that rage has got to come from somewhere. Helen can’t be a saint or a sinner with the flip of a switch alone. I want to know about Helen-in-the-dark.

If you haven’t picked up an issue yet, do it today! A

Thor #8: Will Thor and/or Don Blake ever know the touch of a woman again? I mean, one that isn’t a slap across the face. Don proves that he’s Thor’s wingman through-and-through by going off in search of Lady Sif, leaving Jane Foster’s feelings as collateral damage. And with Loki sporting boobs now, you know there won’t be any love lost on that front either (as proven in this issue). A-

Grendel: Behold the Devil #6: I’ve always enjoyed Matt Wagner’s forays into the supernatural - Mage (the first series only) and The Demon especially. I keep forgetting that Grendel is also a supernatural story, probably because of the gang wars and intense violence. I think that Matt forgets that sometimes too. Thankfully, he’s back on track with this issue. A

Young Avengers presents Hulkling: Yay, Hulkling! Boo, Captain Marvel being alive by way of some ridiculous time-travel conceit! Given that I have my own father issues and that The Lion King makes me boo hoo every time I watch it, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t even get a little eye moisture reading this story. At least they admitted that Mar-vell was going to go back to his regular time and die like he should. B

Helen Killer #1: I have been waiting (rather impatiently) for this comic book for three months and the pay-off has been worth every minute of the wait. Kreisberg and Rice show us a Helen Keller who is at once a sheltered young woman (literally and metaphorically speaking) on the verge of figuring out who she can be and ready to break a guy’s hand just because she can. I felt actual glee when Helen beat the tar out of some street thugs. It was like seeing Mother Theresa take a smoke break. I cannot emphasize strongly enough how much you need to get this book! Oh, the darkness! A++

And how about this, The Dresden Files #1 sold out! Holy poop! After the disappointing Sci Fi TV series, it’s good to see enthusiasm for James Butcher’s stories hasn’t waned. Sadly, I didn’t get a copy before they were all gone *single tear*