For those whose taste in camp knows no bounds, they too can impress the hell out of their friends by owning a Batphone! can i get a “Holy Ma Bell, Batman?”

Even though Pirates of Desire made the list of “14 Valentine’s Day Gifts Guaranteed to Not Get You Laid” (it was #12), I can’t help but think that this would be the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. It’s like a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book, but instead of the annoying second-person pronouns, your name and the name of a loved one are placed into the text. I would love to read about me and my Pirate King cruising the high seas (as it were), making war by day and making sweet, sweet love at night. Have a peg-legged role-play you’ve been meaning to try out? This could be your gateway to ripped bodices and heaving chesteses. Lord knows I want my bodiced ripped. Also, it’s fat free. You won’t have to apologize to your personal trainer the next day for slipping “because it was a special occasion”.

The big downer is the price. Just because someone knows how to use the “Search/Replace” function in Microsoft Word, doesn’t mean he or she gets to charge $39.95 for it. Nice work if you can get it.

Still, as someone who appreciates good kitsch a gift like this would show that someone really knows me well.

Just a thought…