Manhunter #35: FINALLY we have a smackdown worth the name, but what else can one expect from an issue with a bloodied Kate beckoning her enemies forward with a “Bring it.” on the cover? Again, it’s my thing for armed women who aren’t afraid to fire the first shot that draws me back to Manhunter every month. And I never blame Kate or make her out to be a psychopathic monster like.. well, like people say Batman is (though I still don’t see it). A+
Superman/Batman #52: And in this issue we find everything that’s wrong with the DC Universe writ small. All the fun and whimsy and exuberance in the storytelling was sucked out the window when things had to get “real” (read: “somebody had to die”). And what was the point? To teach Li’l Batman that true darkness doesn’t come from seeing one’s parents get pushed? To finally kill Superman in a permanent way that wouldn’t ruin DC’s economic base? To show that the writers are pinheads who toe the DC line? To finally kill comic books? Jesus. F-
Madame Xanadu #4: Once again, Nimue gets cooter-punched by a man she respects/admires/has the humpies for. Twice in this issue alone! I can see that Matt is taking his time in making this adorable (if not incredibly ancient) waif the cold spinstress we all know and love in the present. It’s a pleasure to watch a craftsman who really enjoys his work. A+
The Boys #23: Garth Ennis hates everyone. He hates superheroes. He hates the government. He hates capitalists. He hates his characters. He really hates Marvel. He hates cute. You know what he loves? Garth Ennis. B+
Jesus Hates Zombies with Lincoln Hates Werewolves #1: Iconoclasm rocks. And I think that Jesus would have less problems with this comic than shit like this which justifies shit like this because they’re straight and “forgiven” in His name. Forever and ever. Amen. Allegedly. Dare I say Jesus Hates Zombies is delightful? A laugh a page (maybe more)? Destined for greatness? I dare. Because it is all that (as was written by the prophets of old in “The First Book of Opinions”). ‘Lo! A+
And who knew under all those woolen undergarments that Lincoln was so HAWT (as Michael Bracco portrays him):
Manhunter #34: There is a LOT going on in this issue, not only in terms of action, but also the extensive cast list. If this were a lesser writer, I’d be concerned that the whole story would fall deep.. ok, deeper into soap opera territory – just look at the complicated (yet “brief”) family history as told by Grandpa Iron and Gramma Phantom Lady – but Marc Andreyko avoids the hysterics while keeping everyone’s lives messy. Spoiler alert, but the cover is completely misleading, and I should be more disappointed than I was, especially after last month’s cliffhanger had me drooling to see Kate and the Birds of Prey kick some Suicide ass. Each side got their licks in, but it wasn’t the slugfest I was hoping for. Still, I came away satisfied with the outcome. With all the brouhaha over Northstar being a celibate eunuch (not redundant; see “Farinelli”) over at Marvel, it’s nice to see Todd (Obsidian finally out on parole from whatever it was he was doing in JSA) and Damon share a little sugar. Of course, we’ve seen them kiss before and have a post-coital moment in bed, so… yeah, this round to DC in the “Gayer than Thou” wars. A+
X-Men: Return of Magik #1: Strange déjà vu because I know I’ve seen these stories before. Any original material of my favorite mutant demon sorceress on the way? No grade.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #18: I’m going to retract 60% of the contempt I had for Joss Whedon’s re-using Dark Willow (as telegraphed from orbit revealed last issue) and say that it lends sufficient pathos to the plot built up around her and the future of the Slayer race (i.e., there is none) to keep me onboard. Still, there’s a lack of focus on the sub-plots - what happened to the Slayers after the castle went BOOM, what is Twilight and how bad are they are chiefly blurry - and adding treants to the mix didn’t clear up the haze. Other than that, the issue really belongs to Xander and Dawn (PLEASE don’t let them get together!!!) and Kennedy for schtupping Willow while voluntarily possessed. B-
The Boys #22: The dénouement of “I Tell You No Lie, GI” doesn’t tell us anything new about the supes or their role in the world, but with the revelation that Wee Hughie is dating an auxiliary Seven member trouble can been seen rising like the sun in the East. And poor Annie. When she blinded A-Train, half on top of her, pants all the way down, I should have cheered the way I cheer for Scully when she draws her gun on the Freak-of-the-Week, but I felt more like she is getting what she deserves for not walking away from the whole mess. I’ll have to read the back issues to find out what’s keeping her there (unless someone can email the info and save me a lot of money). For as strident as people are about Kick Ass’s childish homophobia and cartoonish violence (which, God help me, I enjoy reading), I find The Boys far more troublesome. A-
Secret Six #1: I want to have Gail Simone’s ability to jump into a story head-first, free-style through her characters and kick like mad through sub-plots. (Yes, this is a Michael Phelps-inspired hook. Why?) I don’t even like these people, but her villain-in-a-box and compassionless anti-heroes aren’t really too far off from the actual heroes of the DCU in terms of their heroiclessness. Plus, Catman is hot and needs to be naked more. A+
Manhunter #33: *single tear* There’s no Blue Beetle in this issue (from all appearances, he was drafted into Final Crisis #3 to do.. whatever it is that’s going on in that book), but there are still guest-appearances galore, and hints of a major ass-kicking next issue by some of my favorite DC ladies. Kate hasn’t done anything of questionable morality lately, and I’m wondering if she’s lost her edge being a family woman now. Nah. Still, Kate needs some ethical dilemma to cut her way through. And soon! A-
Final Crisis #3 Since this series began I was under the impression that it was going to touch all the titles of the DCU, but I’ve recently been told otherwise. This confuses me because I know that Morrison is a great writer who doesn’t go in for half-told tales, yet Final Crisis continues to give only glimpses into the full story of the “War of the Fourth World” (as I see it shaping up to be) while wasting time on sub-plots and characters who ultimately don’t do anything. Again, maybe “don’t do anything yet,” but still, the waiting is getting painful. I don’t loveFC, but I’m not ready to drop it either. The regeneration of the Forever People as Japanese pop heroes is a funny sub-plot and I’m always wanting news of my grrlfriend Mary Marvel. Morrison once gave 6 billion people super-powers to stop an alien invasion, so what will he do this time to save the world? B
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #17: Really, Joss? Dark Willow? Again? 200 years in the future and dressed like Mary Shelly? Really, Joss? C
The Boys #21: I should have collected this series from issue one, but a review by someone whose opinion I respect overrode my curiosity, and didn’t think that the series was worth a look. Eventually, my scholarly nature overrode my repulsion and I took a look. I can’t disagree with many things that have been said about The Boys: it’s depraved, sexist, decadent, self-indulgent, tawdry and 1,000 other denigrating adjectives that add up to one of the edgiest reads since The Walking Dead. Being a completist, I’m definitely going to find the back issues and enjoy the horror. A+
Marry Me: I’m not a big fan of Amerimanga (or whatever the kids call it these days) - American artists borrowing manga styles stroke-for-stroke - because it’s so… stylishless, like a dress made of beautiful fabric held together with staples. Still, Marry Me is a cute and breakneck-paced romantic comedy that will be made into a November-release movie within the next year, no doubt. B+
Myth #1: Ah, yes, PORN! Mystech porn! Mystech gay porn stacked full of semi- to fully-naked men all of whom are hung like the tentacles from that squid in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Talk about not seeing the forest for the trees, I have no idea what happened in the story, but it seemed hot. Really, where do guys like that hang out and can I get a membership? Oh! Accidental pun! B+
Why Do You Cry When I’m on Top?: Funny shit even if it’s all absurd potty humor pushed past good taste but without entering crass. B
As we turn to our video video features for the week, I’m going to note again that I’m not a big believer in permanently linking to YouTube as they appear and disappear so frequently. I’d honestly rather have my own copy to distribute, but that’s not always possible. Therefore, I offer up these transitory morsels. First, The Muppets’ Beaker performing Ode to Joy:
Then, the never-before-seen-now-virally-seen pilot of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Animated Series:
And finally, I cannot believe that Bill Donohue hasn’t had a rage-induced stroke over the soon-to-be-released Hamlet 2 and its musical interlude, “Rock Me, Sexy Jesus”:
Astonishing X-Men #25: Warren Ellis and Simone Bianchi take over for Whedon and Cassady and actually make changes to the X-Men (the most prominent and well-advertised of which is their move to San Francisco)! The dialogue is banterful and the watchword for the series is “CSI”. My only complaints are Armor (she’s the latest ingenue? Ugh. Hardly a worthy successor to Kitty or Jubilee) and her tiresome “make me and X-man” paean; the clunky depictions of Ororo (the Julie Taymor-inspired headdress can hardly be aero-dynamic); and the dark, muddy colors (seriously. Hold the issue at arm’s length and page = my cake in MacArthur Park). B+
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #16: Yay seeing Fray again! Yay Dawn as a centaur! Yay Kennedy and Willow! Yay Kennedy threatening Buffy! Yay getting back to the Big Bad for the series (finally!)! A
Manhunter #32: As ever, Manhunter stands free from the “events” twisting the DCU inside out this year (though the subplots bump into Batman’s and the Justice League’s Big Players), and she’s doing just fine without that mess because she’s already in plenty of trouble. What I like most about Manhunter is that it’s free to develop interesting plots and relationships that don’t need to be reconciled to 70+ years of baggage. I see folks have been accusing Marc Andreyko of pushing his liberal agenda in this arc, but the questions are “is this a problem if the story is set in El Paso?” and “Is Kate herself is a liberal?”; I mean, she hunts down criminals and has killed several of them during her time as a hero. Is this liberalism? Conservativism? Anarchism? A+
Billy Batson and the Magic of Shazam #1: I wanted to like this series, especially after the enjoyable Shazam and the Monster Society of Evil, but I’m still a bigger fan of the classic Shazam! Family stories from the 70’s. It’s a cute comics, but Captain Marvel is just a Billy Batson in a bulkier body, unlike Smith’s version which showed them as two separate personalities (they could even talk to each other). After the horribly odd and poorly-paced Trials of Shazam! and the ridiculous abuse of Mary Marvel in Countdown, I wonder if anyone knows how to write these characters well. C+
Heresy #1: It took me three reads to get into the story of Heresy mostly because of the art. Not that the art is hideous or anything, but the photo-realistic style makes it difficult to distinguish one dark-haired guy from another; luckily, the dialogue repeats the characters’ names enough times that I was able to sort out who was who before I lost interest, which would have been a shame. It’s a mystery story, so not everything is revealed at once, but what we learn connects post-Tsar Russia with a modern experiment with (I’m guessing) reanimated tissue. Pre-order at Ape Entertainment. B+
Stephen King’s The Stand: While not available until August, I got a sketchbook of the adaptation this week. The art looks good, but I’m always wary of adaptations; they never seem to carry the tone of the books through them, which should be the easiest thing on the world to do with the right artist. Look at Gaiman’s Neverworld comic or The Dresden Files - the artists were completely wrong for what the books are about, to say nothing is the useless and distracting the extra-textual material that took away time from actual textual material. I’m not saying this is the case for The Stand, but my first red flag (hee hee, pun) went up when I saw the nuclear explosion on the cover.
Manhunter #31: YAY!!!! Manhunter is back!!! I’ve been waiting for this issue since last summer when DC announced the the title’s non-non-non-cancellation, and Marc Andreyko doesn’t disappoint (I can’t say “it was worth the wait” because nothing is worth waiting a year for. I’m impatient by nature. Penelope was a rube.). He’s managed to jump back into the storyline and not lose a word of style. Big plus: Obsidian makes an appearance! Bigger plus: Special guest appearance!! A+
House of Mystery #2: I still don’t know how I feel about House of Mystery. I like the centerpiece stories, but the “plot” doesn’t do much for me. The characters are interesting, but they don’t do anything interesting except act confused, which isn’t all that interesting. B
Kick Ass #3: This kid doesn’t learn. And that is the appeal of the story. Dave is either out for the fame of being a hero or he’s really trying to make a difference in the world, but either way, he rushes blithely into danger knowing he doesn’t have the power to back-up his advances. This issue is more of a bloody mess than the previous ones with no upper limit in sight. A+
Secret Invasion #3SPOILER: So, Tony Stark is a Skrull. Did anyone NOT see that coming???? And the spaceship Captain America is the real deal???? And if Cap-who’s-dead is really a Skrull, can be believe a Skrull would die so nobly for Myspace? Is this like one of those Battlestar Galactica Final Five sleeper Cylons who never knew they were Cylons until a switch was flipped? I can’t wait for someone to explain when all these exchanges happened, but, honestly, do I even care anymore? Uh… no. No, I don’t. And the tie-ins? One time my students were talking about how much they loved the Kelly Clarkson song “Because of You”, and I said I really didn’t get what being afraid to stand on the sidewalk had to do with anything else in the song. One student said, “Oh well, that’s covered in the music video. You have to see the video to really understand.” and for a second - a very rare second in my teaching life - I completely camped out and drawled like Edwina Monsoon, “WATCH THE VIDEO? It’s a Kelly Clarkson song and you’re telling me there are SUPPLEMENTARY materials that enhance the listening experience, darling? Is THAT what you’re telling me?” Which applies to SI tie-ins, too. D
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight #15: I was wrong. “Wolves at the Gate” managed to close off in a satisfactory way in only one issue, even though the Rule of Joss was in full force for the hapless Xander. Really, is Mrs. Whedon under any kind of security detail because if I were her, I’d worry. And not sign any huge life insurance policies. Also, it was good to see Willow and Buffy share a friendly moment, even if the Dark Waters of Magic threaten to drown Willow at every turn. A+
1a.This is what happens when hookers get uppity and think they have feelings.
— in response to The Sex Movie
about OC:
Orthocomics is an indy comics studio that works in affiliation with Making Comics Studios. Titles currently on the market are Frater Mine the oh-so-tantalizingly-familiar Generic Goddess Coming soon: PRAXIS!!
