

I, [MY NAME], hereby pledge:
1. To stay massively cool by not having sex. Because only major losers have sex – which everyone knows is only for fags.
2. To never let any slutty girls peer pressure me into touching their vaginas – because vaginas are totally gay.
3. To ignore my raging hormones and burning drive to fondle, suckle, and thrust furiously into a hot gooey pit of creamy-soft fleshy ecstasy.
4. To keep my groinal giblets inside my GAP khakis, and to punch those sweaty bits into submission whenever they percolate with desire.
5. To never spill my sacred “dude milk” – unless it is inside of some hot babe who already married me and took my last name.
I understand that abstaining from sex protects me from:
The regret and guilt caused by the disgusting, squishy act of stupid sex, which is basically like going to the toilet from the front side.
Making retard babies out of wedlock, then having to blow my whole allowance on diapers and a stroller instead of XBox games and Snickers.
Catching a brain-rotting STD like “Finger Herpes” from “feeling up” any nasty dirty girlie holes.
There is also Iron Hymen for vagino-Americans of a certain age.

1.) Unlike your girly privates, which are internal, boy privates are external. God knew that nobody wanted to see all our lady mess, so He pushed everything up inside you. What in tarnation He was thinking when he came up with that nasty, dangling, squishy flesh on boys beats the heck out of me, but I suspect it was so it would be easier for Him to keep an eye on what they’re up to. Because trust me: that grotesque grab bag of horror and disappointment is always up to something, gals.
Flawless.
Hie to the appropriate site and get yourself something pretty.
via Joe.My.God
GLOBAL ORGASM DAY
WHO? All Men and Women, you and everyone you know.
WHERE? Everywhere in the world, but especially in countries with weapons of mass destruction and places where violence is used in place of mediation.
WHEN? Solstice Day - December 22, at 06:08 Universal Time (GMT)
WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy.
–from the Global Orgasm Day website
[powered by WordPress.]
1a. This is what happens when hookers get uppity and think they have feelings.
— in response to The Sex Movie
Orthocomics is an indy comics studio that works in affiliation with Making Comics Studios. Titles currently on the market are Frater Mine the oh-so-tantalizingly-familiar Generic Goddess Coming soon: PRAXIS!!

(And we love our pets, too!)
20 queries. 0.485 seconds