WARNING! Spoilers ahead!

Comics Should be Good! has a month of LGBTQ comics that are “must read”. Check them out here! Megan Rose Gedris, who is a talented and sweet young woman-who-loves-women, made the list and I’m thrilled for her. She makes good comics. Congratulations, Megan!

Superman #681: Part two of “New Krypton” sees Lex Luthor’s worst nightmare come true – Earth inhabited by out-of-control aliens. Not that the Kryptonians are wreaking havok everywhere they go (the dead blue whale aside), but with an overly defensive and smarmy-looking Thara Ak-Var and an alien-killing super-being thrown into the mix, it’s only a matter of time before cities start to fall. I hope. Obviously, the 100,000 Kryptonians are going to stay around Earth because they would nullify the need for any other superhero title again ever. However, the method and motive of their departure are still to be told. The best scene of the entire issue is between Martha Kent and the one member of the Superman Family who knows where he’s needed the most. Good boy! A

Madame Xanadu #5: If I had one criticism of this book, it would be that the centuries are slipping by way too fast. Matt Wagner doesn’t have to hit all the major events from 1000 A.D. to the present, but maybe a brief layover in the Renaissance would have been nice. A visit with Nostradamus perhaps. The “discovery” of America and subsequent slaughter of the American Indians would have topped my list of events for Miss X to run to. This is not to say that the French Revolution isn’t high on drama and intrigue; it is. I’m just saying there could have been a few more stops between there and here. B

1985 #6: I read this in the store because I had to see how it ended, and… really? “Everybody go home!”? That was the only logical conclusion to this story Mark Millar could come up with? It was so sad I wanted to pat it on the head and help it find it’s mommy because it was obviously lost. Alas, poor highly-anticipated mini-series, we hardly knew ye. F

Thor #11: When Captain America died last year, I found myself not caring too much. Not because I didn’t like Cap, but because his death was the latest in a series of ploys to shock and awe Marvel readers. And in the final analysis, it didn’t seem that anyone in the Marvel U cared. At all. Until this month. Don and Thor’s goodbyes to Captain America seem to be JMS’s none-to-veiled commentary on the state of American politics – where the speculation of what a hero would do overshadows the good s/he accomplished. When “who would Captain America vote for?” (terribly paralleling the “Jesus wants you to vote for McCain” screeds of late) is the best memorial people can create, it’s heartening to see that at least Thor remembers how to honor a friend and hero. A+

Thor: The Truth of History: Can anything done by Alan Davis be bad? Never (even if his Thor doesn’t like the Egyptians very much.)! A

Runaways #3: “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.” Recent Log Cabin Republicans whining aside, there is something to be said about not tolerating intolerance, especially the kind that leads to violence or the demonization of “the other”. Even Brecht knew this. “Intolerant” is a nice way of saying “s/he’s an ignorant motherfucker”. I suppose that if people wallowed in their ignorance and left everyone else out, it would be OK, but for whatever reason, they never do. Like Typhoid Mary, they spread ignorance and fear and anger. That was what I got out of this issue. A

Final Crisis #4: FINALLY!!!! The main FC book isn’t bogged down by its own cleverness hits its stride. It still saddens me that most of the other DC books refuse to acknowledge any of this is even going on (even if it is just two weeks in the future), because according to the Flash, the whole multiverse is teetering on the brink of the Abyss. And *sigh* wasn’t Barry’s kissing Iris just about the best thing to happen in comics in years? It’s still unclear to me who Turpin met at the Dark Side Club in issue #1 if he’s being infested by Darkseid in this issue, but I am clear that he’s now two hard-nosed bad-asses in one. A+

New Krypton: I have a feeling this is going to be messy by the end, mostly because Superman is a dick in this issue. I know there’s superdickery.com which exploits the older pre-”Boy Scout” days of Supes, but really, there is no excuse for him throwing his human parents and Earth under the bus just so the Kryptonians don’t get their red undies in a twist (I jest, of course; their undies come in all sorts of colors, not just red). First, he gives props to Jor-El and his tape-recorded civics lessons for helping him to turn out the way he is today, side-stepping the fact that it was really the recently departed Jonathan Kent who did that. Whu…? Worse, the juxaposition of Zor, Alura, Kara and Kal having “the first El family dinner in ages” while Ma Kent eats funeral leftovers alone back on the farm is a foreboding foreshadowing if ever I saw one. If Superman knew nothing else about Kryptonian culture, he should at least know it was their arrogance that got them blowed up in the first place. How he thinks a few years in a bottle mellowed them out is beyond me, and why he didn’t take umbrage with the whale-killing Kryptonian… well, this event has “spare the rod and spoil the child” written all over it. Still, the writing is tense and I’m going to follow this story across every issue. A

Wonder Woman #25: It seems that even in Gail Simone’s world a Wonder Woman movie is not meant to be. However, unlike the comic movie which “lacks a proper second act” (my favorite line of the whole book), the conclusion to this arc is proper and exciting every step of the way. No one can balance all out action with beautiful little human moments like Gail Simone can. A+

Superman #680: “Happy.” A+

Secret Six #2: I’m just flat-out embarrassed for Catman. God love Gail Simone for trying to give him a sense of dignity, but he’s Catman, a rip-off of Batman so painfully obvious that he resists pride. I’ll give her this: she didn’t retcon him into a cool costume or a better origin, as is the DC way of late. However, she left him with the impression that he’s Batman’s arch-nemesis. Those other guys, “petty little psychos who [Batman has] made into celebrities”. Catman goes so far as to say “One day, we’re going to kill each other, aren’t we?” But I think it’s this level of self-delusion that I like about Catman; the same way I like the damage of the rest of the Secret Six. They’re badasses, but they’re also completely fucked up. A+

Legion of Three Worlds #2: OOOOoooh that Superboy-Prime is in dire need of that spanking I spoke about last issue. Lightning Lad agrees with me, as do most of the 31st centurians; Superman is the only hold out for a happy morally high-grounded ending. I honestly have no idea which way Geoff Johns will go by the end. I’d hate to see another “death in the DC”, but an “I love you, Willow” probably won’t eke out the requisite cleansing rehabilitative tears. Funniest moment: the bickering Brainiac 5 triplets. A+

Final Crisis: Revelations #3: Revelations ties with Legion of Three Worlds for the strongest titles of the whole Final Crisis extravaganza. I wasn’t impressed at first, but now I can’t believe the ideas that are coming up, particularly the idea that God has abandoned His creation and left it in the hands of Evil at the end of the world. I imagine for people who see 2008 as the threshold for the Last Days, that God has indeed abandoned them. Every day, I read about how Christians feel under attack from the liberal media, Islamic extremists and teh homosexual agenda. Poor things. I prefer to think that maybe we’ve outgrown that God and are moving to a place where Justice and Mercy don’t have to flow directly from Him, but stem from each of us individually. At least I hope so. Anyway, that was what I got out of this issue. A+

Runaways #2: There is a lot going on in this book for it being two issues old – an alien attack, a job for Chase, an alleged suicide attempt, new digs. It seems Terry Moore is setting up stories for the next three years, which I wouldn’t mind if it means he’s sticking around for that long. I love his Nico. I’m not sure how it does it, but her face is more cartoony that everyone else’s yet, she doesn’t stick out like Roger Rabbit. Xavin is like the clown fish of Runaways . S/he isn’t funny-ha-ha, but she can switch genders as the situation needs. This issue sees her (typically) masculine side coming out to threaten Karolina’s Majesdane attackers. But something was not sitting right with Karolina in terms of Xavin. I didn’t finish Whedon’s Runaways, though I’m not sure Whedon finished Whedon’s Runaways, so it’s possible something damaged their relationship or maybe Karolina mistrusts Xavin’s clown fishiness. Whatever the reason, it was a moment of sadness in the book. A-

Astonishing X-Men #27: Given what Warren Ellis was doing last month with The Boys, I feel this month’s X-Men to be a bit of a trap. Maybe Ellis is starting to fall into the groove of the Whedon legacy, but this is the guy who brought us Planetary and Transmetropolitan and Desolation Jones and I doubt he’s suddenly learned how to be cute. Not that he isn’t talented enough to find the cute voices in him, but he’s getting into Buffy levels of banter here. Frightening. I also think he and Brubaker are in a competition to up the ante for how sexually charged each issue can be. This month’s round goes to Ellis because bestiality (or “xenophiliac experimentation” as Agent brand puts it) always wins. My theory on this is that he has a deal with Grant Morrison to write comics that are too accessible and too inaccessible respectively and see how far their fans go to defend their writing as “cutting edge” and “metatextual” and “brilliant”. Honestly, I can explain this issue any other way. B+

Uncanny X-Men #503: The X-Men are led a merry chase through downtown San Francisco by Empath, the most evil (if not the most flimsy) of all the late Hellions. If i didn’t hate this guy before, I do now, especially since he struck a low blow to Sam Guthrie (“Dead baby brother!”), who holds a special place in my heart as showing the first naked (male) New Mutant butt during my mid-adolescence. Action aside, Scott Summers honestly needs therapy. I mean, deep-down monstrously invasive therapy. Brubaker’s entry in his competition with Ellis has Emma in Scott’s brain playing Dungeon Mistress when they’re supposed to be doing reconnaissance and he doesn’t realize it’s not really Emma!. What the…? Did Luke and Laura ever go through shit like this? No. And they live in a soap opera. And, finally, I get what Brubaker is doing with his heroic bio-captioning, something I wasn’t all that enamored of because it was too clever by half UNTIL Pixie stabs Empath right through the thought-maker and her caption says “Megan Gwynn. Pixie. X-Man.” Then I got it, and now I love Pixie. She’s not Kitty Pryde, but she’s an armed and dangerous woman. A

Manhunter #35: FINALLY we have a smackdown worth the name, but what else can one expect from an issue with a bloodied Kate beckoning her enemies forward with a “Bring it.” on the cover? Again, it’s my thing for armed women who aren’t afraid to fire the first shot that draws me back to Manhunter every month. And I never blame Kate or make her out to be a psychopathic monster like.. well, like people say Batman is (though I still don’t see it). A+

Superman/Batman #52: And in this issue we find everything that’s wrong with the DC Universe writ small. All the fun and whimsy and exuberance in the storytelling was sucked out the window when things had to get “real” (read: “somebody had to die”). And what was the point? To teach Li’l Batman that true darkness doesn’t come from seeing one’s parents get pushed? To finally kill Superman in a permanent way that wouldn’t ruin DC’s economic base? To show that the writers are pinheads who toe the DC line? To finally kill comic books? Jesus. F-

Madame Xanadu #4: Once again, Nimue gets cooter-punched by a man she respects/admires/has the humpies for. Twice in this issue alone! I can see that Matt is taking his time in making this adorable (if not incredibly ancient) waif the cold spinstress we all know and love in the present. It’s a pleasure to watch a craftsman who really enjoys his work. A+

The Boys #23: Garth Ennis hates everyone. He hates superheroes. He hates the government. He hates capitalists. He hates his characters. He really hates Marvel. He hates cute. You know what he loves? Garth Ennis. B+

Jesus Hates Zombies with Lincoln Hates Werewolves #1: Iconoclasm rocks. And I think that Jesus would have less problems with this comic than shit like this which justifies shit like this because they’re straight and “forgiven” in His name. Forever and ever. Amen. Allegedly. Dare I say Jesus Hates Zombies is delightful? A laugh a page (maybe more)? Destined for greatness? I dare. Because it is all that (as was written by the prophets of old in “The First Book of Opinions”). ‘Lo! A+

And who knew under all those woolen undergarments that Lincoln was so HAWT (as Michael Bracco portrays him):

Uncanny X-Men #502: So, Hank McCoy is finally coming out of the closet, eh? If I walked away from this issue with one impression, it’s that Hank has either gone camp or he’s gone Butch Camp. Can anyone else smell the poppers? If I were permitted a second impression, it would be that Scott and Emma need therapy. What’s revealed about Emma in the story is nothing new, but it’s an aspect of her that seems to have been pushed aside to make her and Scott seem more… compatible. Otherwise, this is a fast-paced, fun issue that still under-utilizes the unwieldy cast despite the “family” moments peppered throughout. I can’t totally blame Brubaker, but that’ll change in a month or so. A

War Heroes #2: I think I’ve figured out Mark Millar – he’s the Anne Coulter of comics: strident voice and a talent for upsetting people (if I had to guess I’d say that “people” = “bleeding heart liberals” (whatever that means)) with his childish homophobia and creative violence. However, if one were to turn the volume down a bit – and with Millar the volume is ALWAYS!! SET!! AT!! TWELVE!! – one would find that he isn’t saying very much in terms of his characters or stories. He spends his energy trying to be “more” than he was the previous issue: more shocking, more violent, more offensive, more… well, “loud”. Don’t get me wrong, he’s apt at loud, but as a reader I’m growing a bit weary of it. I’d say he should add in scenes that back off of the intensity, but one has only to look at his painfully subdued work on 1985 – where every scene lacks impact and importance – to see how well that works out. I enjoyed this issue of War Heroes, but like Secret Invasion I’m not sure how much higher the stakes can get as they’re pretty high already. Maybe Millar will surprise me in the final analysis. B-

Wonder Woman #24: The greatest moment in this issue was Diana admitting to Tom that she doesn’t experience his touch the way that he experiences hers. This isn’t an existential statement, it’s a practical statement that I’m surprised no one has considered before. To say nothing of the lifestyle superheroes lead, some, like Diana, are almost invulnerable. What does holding hands with a beloved someone mean to them beyond a symbolic gesture of intimacy? Gail Simone’s talent for characterization and the impact of tiny moments on a story shine here. A+

Secret Invasion #6: I hear issue 8 will close this baby with a shock no one will see coming. Especially me, since I stopped reading as of this issue. F

Final Crisis: Revelations #2: For a comic universe that boasts a wide-ranging pantheon of gods, DC is certainly going Biblical on its readers (which makes sense for a comic titled “Revelations”). The rarely-seen-yet-often-referenced Judeo-Christian God places Herzims more popular props – God’s Vengeance, God’s Mercy, the Spear of Destiny and Cain – on the playing field to get… what? A story of epic scope told on street level, it’s a grand read, but how this will reach across the entire DCU is still a question I can’t answer. Unless… what if the world ended across every DC title? Like they all blinked in the same issue and then in the next all was balanced again. Grant Morrison is certainly bold enough to do this, and the DC editors have shown how good they are at handing down sweeping decrees, so, why not? I’m starting to believe that the lack of “the sky is falling” attitude, prevalent in all DC books during Crisis on Infinite Earths, is purposeful. If no one is expecting the world to end, how much more surprising it will be. A

Stephen King’s The Stand #1: The Stand is the very best in post-apocalyptic literature for me. It encompasses a bit more of the fantastic than Earth Abides or Alas, Babylon, but unlike those rather clunky tomes, King’s vision of the world ending by disease weighed on me for weeks after I was done reading. The beautiful artwork of Marvel’s adaptation alone is worth the price of the issue, but I begged off on starting this series because it’s only five issues long which in my opinion is just not enough space to cover the vastness of the original novel. Let’s call this “The Neverwhere Syndrome”. B-

In more bizarre news, has anyone seen Rob Liefeld’s Godyssey?

Superman/Batman #51: The Li’l Leaguers made my weekend. I haven’t picked up Superman/Batman since Killer Cousin Kara arrived in the book a few years ago (yes, I even missed the now-classic “Superman Gets High“), but after seeing it reviewed at Comic by Comic, I had to head back to my local comic shop and get a copy. Man, it’s all about the juxtaposition! I don’t who this guy Albuquerque is, but his ability to draw the adorable-but-outright-cartoony Junior League next to their muscly-but-human-looking adult counterparts and not cause a huh? in my brain impressed the dickens out of me. Even more than that though, Green and Johnson’s characterizations of Mini-Superman is dead on for his sunny (relatively speaking) disposition (everything is “AWESOME!!” and “COOL!!”), but their genius is in their Mini-Batman who is just Batman in a smaller body (“I’m the goshdarn Batman!”). Though the story drifts in the DCU unfettered by any ties to Trinity or Final Crisis or RIP etc. etc. etc., it’s infinitely more delightful than anything I’ve read in a while. A++

Manhunter #34: There is a LOT going on in this issue, not only in terms of action, but also the extensive cast list. If this were a lesser writer, I’d be concerned that the whole story would fall deep.. ok, deeper into soap opera territory – just look at the complicated (yet “brief”) family history as told by Grandpa Iron and Gramma Phantom Lady – but Marc Andreyko avoids the hysterics while keeping everyone’s lives messy. Spoiler alert, but the cover is completely misleading, and I should be more disappointed than I was, especially after last month’s cliffhanger had me drooling to see Kate and the Birds of Prey kick some Suicide ass. Each side got their licks in, but it wasn’t the slugfest I was hoping for. Still, I came away satisfied with the outcome. With all the brouhaha over Northstar being a celibate eunuch (not redundant; see “Farinelli”) over at Marvel, it’s nice to see Todd (Obsidian finally out on parole from whatever it was he was doing in JSA) and Damon share a little sugar. Of course, we’ve seen them kiss before and have a post-coital moment in bed, so… yeah, this round to DC in the “Gayer than Thou” wars. A+

X-Men: Return of Magik #1: Strange déjà vu because I know I’ve seen these stories before. Any original material of my favorite mutant demon sorceress on the way? No grade.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #18: I’m going to retract 60% of the contempt I had for Joss Whedon’s re-using Dark Willow (as telegraphed from orbit revealed last issue) and say that it lends sufficient pathos to the plot built up around her and the future of the Slayer race (i.e., there is none) to keep me onboard. Still, there’s a lack of focus on the sub-plots – what happened to the Slayers after the castle went BOOM, what is Twilight and how bad are they are chiefly blurry – and adding treants to the mix didn’t clear up the haze. Other than that, the issue really belongs to Xander and Dawn (PLEASE don’t let them get together!!!) and Kennedy for schtupping Willow while voluntarily possessed. B-

The Boys #22: The dénouement of “I Tell You No Lie, GI” doesn’t tell us anything new about the supes or their role in the world, but with the revelation that Wee Hughie is dating an auxiliary Seven member trouble can been seen rising like the sun in the East. And poor Annie. When she blinded A-Train, half on top of her, pants all the way down, I should have cheered the way I cheer for Scully when she draws her gun on the Freak-of-the-Week, but I felt more like she is getting what she deserves for not walking away from the whole mess. I’ll have to read the back issues to find out what’s keeping her there (unless someone can email the info and save me a lot of money). For as strident as people are about Kick Ass’s childish homophobia and cartoonish violence (which, God help me, I enjoy reading), I find The Boys far more troublesome. A-

Secret Six #1: I want to have Gail Simone’s ability to jump into a story head-first, free-style through her characters and kick like mad through sub-plots. (Yes, this is a Michael Phelps-inspired hook. Why?) I don’t even like these people, but her villain-in-a-box and compassionless anti-heroes aren’t really too far off from the actual heroes of the DCU in terms of their heroiclessness. Plus, Catman is hot and needs to be naked more. A+

Runaways #1: When I last read this title, the kids were stuck in the 1800′s with someone’s out-of-time-and-still-alive parents-of-the-past out to get them and a sparkly, floaty Jezebel out to ruin the cute lesbianish couple and I didn’t care. REALLY didn’t care. I’m not certain that Joss Whedon finished that arc or that Marvel even wanted to, which is a sadness because I liked those kids (and their baby raptor, too). This week, however, sadness becomes gladness as the reliable-as-Tonto Terry Moore’s first issue on ultra-hip writing duties hits the stands. The kids are back on Earth, but aliens who have lost heir homeworld (we know this because it’s said about 12 times on the first two pages) are looking for a little remuneration all over Karolina’s butt. Moore keeps the dialogue and pace snappy and Humberto Ramos keeps the kids in chunky boots and enviable waists. I’m sold. A-

Madame Xanadu #3: At the risk of Rachel Ray Face-ing this title, I have to say I look forward to it every month more than any other title out there. Yeah, it’s only a few issues in, but Matt Wagner’s grasp on the fantastic and magickal has always been second only to Neil Gaiman… ok, and Rachel Pollack, which makes him third in line if I’m going to keep track of the numbers. But unlike Neil and Rachel who keep their magic more mythological and messianic than immoderate, Matt’s magic makes marks in the mundane. Amy Reeder Hadley’s art lends more credence to the every day magical with her clean lines and wide-eyed and elfin Nimue. Set in China 400 years after issue 2, Nimue is the court seer for Kublai Khan, foretelling the beginning of a beautiful friendship between Khan and the young Marco Polo. Then stuff goes wrong. And right. And wrong again. My great hope for this book is that one day there will be a smackdown between Nimue and Morgan le Fey in a future issue. That, and the return of Ericankhamun. A+

Kick-Ass #4: And my students say I’m a tough grader, when here I am about to hand out another A+. I have this vision of Mark Millar and JRJR on Skype for hours at a time, howling with laughter as they come up with more and more vile things for children to say and ways to cut a human body so it can bleed most profusely. Then I hear someone (probably Millar) say, “We’re going to fucking end civilization, man! Those pussies at South Park never dreamed of going this far! It’ll be kids versus parents! Murder in the marketplace! The. End. Of. EVERYTHING! God! And they PAY us to do it to them, man! They fucking pay us to be the fucking Devil!” Take my vision as you will, but I’m pretty sure that’s how this issue came about. In spite of this, I still enjoy this book. It’s not a gleeful joy, but a Very Bad Things schadenfreude. A+

Final Crisis: Superman Beyond: Read. Left. F

Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds #1: This this this THIS is how one hosts a Crisis. While I thought that his Revelations wasn’t all that revelatory, Geoff Johns’ first issue of Legion of Three Worlds has convinced me to believe that he knows what he’s doing and ride both titles all the way through. Yes, I’ll say it now: Legion of Three Worlds was perhaps the best mainstream comic I’ve read all year. Perez’s art was Perez’s art (is it ever bad? No.). And as someone who hasn’t followed the exploits of the Legion of Superheroes since Mordru was defeated in some kind of puppy pile-on back in the 70′s, I picked up on the plot almost immediately and was pulled along by the action. My only problem: what the hell is Superman doing here? Yeahyeah, it’s not the Legion without Superman, but isn’t he busy with five or six other titles (two of which have him on Crisis-duty elsewhere in the Universe)? This is more of an editorial issue than a writing issue in the final analysis, but that doesn’t make it less annoying. Still, I’m hooked. I’ll be here to see (from my keyboard to god’s ears) Superboy-Prime spanked hard at some point during this saga. Really. Redemption or no, someone better make this kid cry by the end. A+

Uncanny X-Men #501: Maybe riding the high from Legion of Three Worlds made me enjoy this issue more than I should have, but… I’m going to retract everything I said about X-Men based on reading #500. To be sure, #500 sucked (LORD, did it suck!), but #501 pulled itself out of the suckage and got me feeling all joyous and sad and angry and vengeful for the ‘tants (I’m trying out a new nickname for my favorite homo-superiors to counter the “Mutie scum” hate-cry of the new Hellfire Cult). And was that Jean Grey all decked out as Mistress of Humiliation? Maybe we’re seeing a preview of the next Millar/Land title – Phoenix: The Domination? A

1985 #4: Picked it up. Scanned it. Put it back. F

Final Crisis Revelations #1: There’s a scene in the painfully awkward and unexpectedly popular show Charmed wherein the demon Drake (acted with more zest and believability than anyone else on the show in the entire eight years of its tortured run by Billy Zane) is asked by the anemically acted Paige, “Okay, and how exactly did that (before demon, now human) happen?” to which he replies, “Personally, I hate exposition, but if… All right.” Me, too; I hate exposition. However, having said that, I don’t mind being clued in every once in a while as to what the hell is going on in a story. Libra is stronger than God’s Vengeance? The Question is stronger than The Spear of Destiny (I’m assuming that’s what it was)? And the only satisfactory way that the rabidly evil Dr. Light could be taken out was to be melted by The Spectre? Out of public view? How anti-climactic. There’s a bit of false advertising in the title of this book because not much is revealed, but there’s four issues left, so we’ll see. And though it offers no clues as to the plot, Final Crisis Counseling’s annotation of Final Crisis will draw gooey orgasmic gasps from literature folks. Maybe a reader there will put it all together for us. C+

Wonder Woman #23: Not my favorite arc in Gail Simone’s WW run so far, but it ended… well, it ended. I loved how formal Donna got with Nemesis swearing on her beating heart to be his galpal, his shoulder to cry on and that she’ll be there on his doorstep with a barrel of Ben and Jerry’s when he’s had a hard day of sanctioning people. I think she swore to braid his hair, too. Really, the whole issue was about Nemesis and making him look good. B

Helen Killer #4: I’ve been a fan of this series since before it came out, and now that it’s over, I’m glad it’s not going to overstay its welcome. Not to say I don’t want to see other (short) stories every now and again, but Helen Killer ended on a high note and that note should be allowed to sound out for a while. And I’m not saying this just because I was quoted on the back cover (second only to Stan Lee, thank you very much). Though Helen Killer is over, Andrew Kreisberg will be taking over writing duties for Green Arrow/Black Canary with issue #15. I’ve never read the title, but I will peek at it now. A+

Astonishing X-Men #25: I will say this for Simone Bianchi, he (he is a he, right?) is a risk-taker when it comes to laying out a page. He also loves his spacecrafts. Truth be told I love his spacecrafts. What I don’t like are his ink washes and his portrayal of Storm. How he can make salvaged UFOs float like hot-air balloons, but make her look like a rice sack in flight is a question I can’t answer. Warren Ellis deepens the mystery of the previous issue while ignoring Uncanny X-Men‘s ignoring his work. Still, I remain unconvinced that I’ll be keeping this title for more than another month or two. I like the premise, it’s just not a fun read. B

Secret Invasion #5: I swore I wasn’t going to pick up this issue, but when I glanced at it in the store, it looked like the plot was moving forward, so I bought it (I seem to have forswearn myself more than once recently). And, to Bendis’ credit, it did. To Bendis’ detriment, it’s still issue 5 and I’ve waited this long to see that the Skrulls have become intergalactic Republicans who want to save us from ourselves (allegedly). Not conquerors. They’re on our side. Really. They know what’s best for us. Cuz… uhm, yeah, they have an empire. HUGE empire. Right? Right. Oh, and *single tear* for Mockingbird. C+

In geek news, check out the cute old school AD&D alignments poster, but that’s all. Don’t read the rest of the site:





In non-comics-related news, four men claim to have a Bigfoot corpse in their freezer. Skeptics going on photographic evidence only, pooh pooh the claim. I’d like to believe this, but one of the four’s brother-in-law posed as a biologist to support their claims. When discovered, they claimed it was only a joke, but despite that, the Bigfoot corpse is real.

Worth1000.com is having a “Photoshop an AD&D Monster” contest. My bother is going to enter a… ha ha ha. That’s a secret for now. When his entry is accepted, I’ll post the link here for voting purposes.

Manhunter #33: *single tear* There’s no Blue Beetle in this issue (from all appearances, he was drafted into Final Crisis #3 to do.. whatever it is that’s going on in that book), but there are still guest-appearances galore, and hints of a major ass-kicking next issue by some of my favorite DC ladies. Kate hasn’t done anything of questionable morality lately, and I’m wondering if she’s lost her edge being a family woman now. Nah. Still, Kate needs some ethical dilemma to cut her way through. And soon! A-

Final Crisis #3 Since this series began I was under the impression that it was going to touch all the titles of the DCU, but I’ve recently been told otherwise. This confuses me because I know that Morrison is a great writer who doesn’t go in for half-told tales, yet Final Crisis continues to give only glimpses into the full story of the “War of the Fourth World” (as I see it shaping up to be) while wasting time on sub-plots and characters who ultimately don’t do anything. Again, maybe “don’t do anything yet,” but still, the waiting is getting painful. I don’t love FC, but I’m not ready to drop it either. The regeneration of the Forever People as Japanese pop heroes is a funny sub-plot and I’m always wanting news of my grrlfriend Mary Marvel. Morrison once gave 6 billion people super-powers to stop an alien invasion, so what will he do this time to save the world? B

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #17: Really, Joss? Dark Willow? Again? 200 years in the future and dressed like Mary Shelly? Really, Joss? C

The Boys #21: I should have collected this series from issue one, but a review by someone whose opinion I respect overrode my curiosity, and didn’t think that the series was worth a look. Eventually, my scholarly nature overrode my repulsion and I took a look. I can’t disagree with many things that have been said about The Boys: it’s depraved, sexist, decadent, self-indulgent, tawdry and 1,000 other denigrating adjectives that add up to one of the edgiest reads since The Walking Dead. Being a completist, I’m definitely going to find the back issues and enjoy the horror. A+

Marry Me: I’m not a big fan of Amerimanga (or whatever the kids call it these days) – American artists borrowing manga styles stroke-for-stroke – because it’s so… stylishless, like a dress made of beautiful fabric held together with staples. Still, Marry Me is a cute and breakneck-paced romantic comedy that will be made into a November-release movie within the next year, no doubt. B+

Myth #1: Ah, yes, PORN! Mystech porn! Mystech gay porn stacked full of semi- to fully-naked men all of whom are hung like the tentacles from that squid in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Talk about not seeing the forest for the trees, I have no idea what happened in the story, but it seemed hot. Really, where do guys like that hang out and can I get a membership? Oh! Accidental pun! B+

Why Do You Cry When I’m on Top?: Funny shit even if it’s all absurd potty humor pushed past good taste but without entering crass. B

In the news, Jeff Trexler of uncivilsociety.org has posted an enlightening article about the early creative history of Superman entitled “Lois Lane’s Abortion and the Gay Superman”. A deeper look at these documents is in Men of Tomorrow: Geeks, Gangsters, and the Birth of the Comic Book, which I highly recommend.

As we turn to our video video features for the week, I’m going to note again that I’m not a big believer in permanently linking to YouTube as they appear and disappear so frequently. I’d honestly rather have my own copy to distribute, but that’s not always possible. Therefore, I offer up these transitory morsels. First, The Muppets’ Beaker performing Ode to Joy:





Then, the never-before-seen-now-virally-seen pilot of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Animated Series:




And finally, I cannot believe that Bill Donohue hasn’t had a rage-induced stroke over the soon-to-be-released Hamlet 2 and its musical interlude, “Rock Me, Sexy Jesus”:

Fantastic Four: True Story #1: According to this month’s solicitations, one should expect that





which is so frenetic of language it couldn’t be outdone. Right? Oh, so very wrong. Scroll a little further down the page and one finds:





They come on a little strong, don’t they? While I can’t speak to the content of True Believers, I can for True Story. Was the title oversold? The package more delightful than the present? Most definitely. The idea is a good one (in a Gaiman-after-an-all-night-bender kind of way), but the execution of the characters by Cornell (Reed saying that reading Sue’s word balloon was “cool”? Unlikely.) and the uneven artwork of Domingues (it got better by the end, except for Sue’s hair) has a lark-y quality that doesn’t fly very gracefully nor very far before falling to Earth. D+ (Werd to Joveth for the solicitation info.)

Thor #10: I said I wasn’t going to pick up this issue, but with the opening pages set in Kansas (the part of the MJS’s plot I’ve found to be most winning), I forewent my resolution and was thrilled to find the plot was not as same same same as I had thought it would become. Loki, no longer the “god of lies” (and per se, no longer a god), is now a messenger of truth, but as any bridesmaid confronted by the question “Do you like the dress I picked out for you?” knows, the truth can hurt. A

Justice Society of America Annual #1: I don’t typically follow the JSA, but with all the anticipation surrounding this issue and what it means for Final Crisis (if anything) and Power Girl (a lot), I forked over my $3.99 and discovered a title I’ll be adding to my regular pull list. Dammit. My only fear is that there will never be a definitive answer to “Who is Power Girl?”, just an end to the story arc. Bonus: Helena Wayne as The Huntress. A

In other news:

Orson Scott Card calls gay marriage “the end of democracy in America”, but he’s not a homophobe (much like Dave Sim isn’t a misogynist). No, no. Paranoid science fiction writer living in a paranoid world? Yeah, I’ll buy that. AfterElton.com reacts.

Also from AfterElton.com, an editorial about the new X-Files movie. I haven’t seen it myself and before I comment I will be sure to. My only complaint (SPOILER ALERT!): no aliens!!!!

Finally, from Fanboys of the Universe via Joveth, a marvelous kiss:

First, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Right. Better now. On to the comics!

Madame Xanadu #2: Matt, you’ve restored my faith in your story-telling abilities. Don’t screw it up. A+

War Heroes #1: Have you ever ridden cross-country on a bus, surrounded by soldiers on holiday leave? I have, and, Deity love the troops, but I think half of them are insane or at least in desperate need of some reality therapy. Maybe some estrogen just to take the edge off. Seriously. I heard one guy give the most earnest account of how he had been stationed at Area 51, how it was all hush-hush and “every fucking thing you ever thought about that place is real, man!” at the top of his lungs. I’m not saying he was representative of the troops in general, just of the ones who take buses cross-country (how I wish he had been the only soldier of that kind I’ve met). Mark Millar seems to share my opinion. His war heroes are not noble nor are they caught in a situation of their control; they are in the war for the glory and the power. I fear Millar may be saying something about our broader culture – lionizing the troops and the war while we give up privacy and the safety of our children. The story is hardly nuanced, but it is intriguing. And condemning. A (it would have been an “A+” but Millar really needs to stop writing closing letters in his comics. He looks like a self-obsessed maniac.)

X-Men #500: Besides this being an historic moment for Marvel Comics, there had to be several reasons to publish this story. I’m guessing the primary reason was to completely undermine the premises Warren Ellis built in Astonishing X-Men #25, to say nothing of Simone’s designs. New place to live (and it’s GREEN. there’s lots of to do about how GREEN the new X-mansion is, to the point where Hank calls Logan “that awful little Canadian” for his non-GREEN, smog-loving ways). New costumes. New plot that has nothing to do with Ellis’ plot though the cast is exactly the same. And this “new plot” is depressingly old: Sentinels and Magneto? “Mutie” haters? Oh, dear. I know I’ve said 100 times before that I long for a return to the old days of comics, but I meant good writing, interesting stories, characters I can relate to, not actual old stories. Speaking of the Claremont Hole, Nightcrawler appeared out of nowhere! I know that’s his power, but he wasn’t shown as being a member of the team, in the SF area or even near the X-mansion, yet – BAMF! – he gets one word and one panel of face time, then falls back into the event singularity. Also, no less than three times did someone comment on the spectacular views of SF then completely fail to show us said views. It’s an anniversary issue: go crazy with the page count! And Greg Land, step away from the lightboard and take a drawing class. This kind of over-the-top reaction to the mayor of San Francisco’s stance on the First Amendment





is best left to posturing for an enemy who’s actually trying to kill the X-Men. F-

And a special “Thanks, rotten orange!” to Joveth for mentioning me and Frater Mine at the Prism Emerging Voices panel at Comic-Con. Shout outs are always welcome and very cool. Let me know when you do one and I’ll send you a McDonald’s gift certificate.

Helen Killer #3: What could be more damaging to the reputation of the sainted Helen Killer than to portray her as a whore? And while one is at it, why not put the image on the front cover of a comic book? Oh, the joy of iconoclasm! In the most over-the-top issue so far in a series that was halfway to the moon to begin with, Helen goes under-the-covers to scare up anarchist Elisha Grey in this penultimate chapter of the series. A+

1985 #3: Like Secret Invasion, 1985 is halfway done and there’s not a shred of evidence that the plot is going anywhere. Like Toby and his Dad’s encounter with Modok, there’s no urgency in the tale (really, that was the slowest getaway scene since Tuistas‘ interpretation of Esther Williams in a Richard Donner film). The surreal “now you see ‘em, now you don’t” of heroes and villains adds to mystery of the tale (the Big Questions being “Why are only villains popping into this world? (yeah yeah, there was the Hulk, but in 1985 he had been a full-fledged hero for, what, 20 minutes?)” and “What’s their Evil Agenda?”), but doesn’t take time to clue the reader in. I like how the Hulk and Juggernaut disappeared from Toby’s life because that seems to be the way real life would work: a chance encounter with a hero, before normal life takes over again (contrasted with the narcissistic “Rick Jones’ Method of Injecting Oneself into a Hero’s Life. Forever.”). However, I don’t like how they disappeared from the story (known as “Falling into a Claremont Hole”). I’ll glance at the next issue, but I’m thinking this is the one where I get off. D

Five things you need to know about The Dark Knight:

1. Christian Bale is an excellent Bruce Wayne, but his Batman needs a lozenge.
2. I’ve never seen the Joker as a violent sociopath, but more as an annoyance. Then Heath Ledger came along.
3. This is the first time ever that a villain team-up made sense in a movie.
4. Listen for the words “need”, “want” and “deserve”. They will tell you everything you need to know about the plot.
5. The secondary cast members give performances just as demanding as the lead actors. Blink and you’ll miss Anthony Michael Hall.

Of course, the word on every comic geek’s lips this weekend is “Watchmen”, since the full-length trailer debuted in front of The Dark Knight. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve never read the graphic novel, and will probably be fined for saying so. I’ll have to pick up a copy and finish is before the poseurs do. I hate being in the middle of a phenomena.

Mattel crossed a line for some people by releasing the Black Canary Barbie, a tartier version of an already loose doll. The odd thing is, I really can’t find any original complaints online, just an article in The Sun that says people are upset.

OMG EEEEEEE Joss Whedon’s superhero musical “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” starring Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Filion is online for this week only before going for sale on iTunes. I’ve always had a crush on Nathan Filion, but I fear that he’s been ousted from my heart by NPH. Of course, he’ll have to share space with Rick Schroeder, and ya know, should… anything… happen there while they’re… ya know, waiting for me… like a pillow fight in their underwear, then, uhm…. yeah, I’d be cool with that.





Best line: “The hammer is my penis.”

Wonder Woman #22: I’m not much for dream sequences because they’re never handled well (the exception being the “Restless” episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer), though in this issue Gail Simone certainly has the surreal overlapping of times and places down pat. This seems like a long way to go just to reintroduce some of DC’s old 1970′s characters, especially because they’re “not real”. I think. I’m really hoping for Beowulf and Claw pop into the real world to help Diana fight the Devil. Stalker’s really real, so why not them as well? Best line of the book: “Warmongering succulent!” A

Secret Invasion #4: Punch shoot punch shoot. Repeat. Secret Invasion is becoming less and less expansive each month and more and more pointlessly violent. I get that it’s a war and violence is part and parcel therein, but it feels unimportant. Each panel that shows someone getting the tar beaten out of them is one panel not dedicated to plot. As with Final Crisis, I look to Crisis on Infinite Earths as the gold standard of events. Why not pack each page full of battle and discovery and paranoia? Why have the heroes in the Savage Land been chasing Empress Spider-Woman around uselessly for half the story? She’s not trying to hide and from all indications she’s undefended and slow-moving. This may be the last issue for me. C-

Final Crisis: Requiem: I read Requiem in the comics store and was touched by the story, but I refused to buy it in protest for the shabby and ignominious way in which J’onn J’onzz was dispatched by the powers-that-be at DC. I know that every ….Crisis at DC requires casualties, and the editors pick their victims for shock and awe value, but I don’t see why it had to be J’onn, especially since I don’t think he’ll stay dead long. C’mon, when he telepathically contacted all his friends, different parts of their faces were subverted by his. I see a Wrath of Khan resurrection coming up which makes me more grumpy than the death in the first place. I’m really hoping that Final Crisis resets all of the DCU so the stories can be finally unburdened by years and years of bizarre continuity. Sadly, with the main titles barely even mentioning the current Crisis and Trinity only a few weeks into its year-long run, I don’t see that happening. I guess I can look forward to being surprised by Grant Morrison’s next several issues.

Other News: Witchblade: the Complete Series will be available July 29, 2008. Even better, Friday the 13th: the Series will be available September 23, 2008. I loved these shows and cannot wait to possess them on DVD!

Comics Should be Good has an exhaustive list of Comic Book Urban Legends which, in addition to their regularly expansive articles, will cost you hours and hours of productivity to get through (they’re nearing 200 stories as I write this). Celebrity porn for the comic book set.

Brian Andersen of So Super Duper fame has a new comic book coming out: Reignbow and Dee-va which he’s hoping to finish up in time for Comic Con. He’s been nice enough to send along a few preview pages. Click to see the full-sized images.













Finally, Claymation seems to be a theme in my life this week (maybe the Universe was prepping me for the opening sequence from Hellboy II), begun by the following two videos. I try to avoid posting from YouTube because one never knows how long the videos will be available for, but I’ll make an exception here. The first is from a dark “children’s” movie called The Adventures of Mark Twain; anyone remember this from their childhood? The second is Primus’ cover of “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”. Funny, but one of these days, someone has to give Johnny’s reels a bump up to the truly ecstatic. Frankly, had I been judging, the Devil would have won.









Happy Saturday!

Astonishing X-Men #25: Warren Ellis and Simone Bianchi take over for Whedon and Cassady and actually make changes to the X-Men (the most prominent and well-advertised of which is their move to San Francisco)! The dialogue is banterful and the watchword for the series is “CSI”. My only complaints are Armor (she’s the latest ingenue? Ugh. Hardly a worthy successor to Kitty or Jubilee) and her tiresome “make me and X-man” paean; the clunky depictions of Ororo (the Julie Taymor-inspired headdress can hardly be aero-dynamic); and the dark, muddy colors (seriously. Hold the issue at arm’s length and page = my cake in MacArthur Park). B+

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #16: Yay seeing Fray again! Yay Dawn as a centaur! Yay Kennedy and Willow! Yay Kennedy threatening Buffy! Yay getting back to the Big Bad for the series (finally!)! A

Manhunter #32: As ever, Manhunter stands free from the “events” twisting the DCU inside out this year (though the subplots bump into Batman’s and the Justice League’s Big Players), and she’s doing just fine without that mess because she’s already in plenty of trouble. What I like most about Manhunter is that it’s free to develop interesting plots and relationships that don’t need to be reconciled to 70+ years of baggage. I see folks have been accusing Marc Andreyko of pushing his liberal agenda in this arc, but the questions are “is this a problem if the story is set in El Paso?” and “Is Kate herself is a liberal?”; I mean, she hunts down criminals and has killed several of them during her time as a hero. Is this liberalism? Conservativism? Anarchism? A+

Billy Batson and the Magic of Shazam #1: I wanted to like this series, especially after the enjoyable Shazam and the Monster Society of Evil, but I’m still a bigger fan of the classic Shazam! Family stories from the 70′s. It’s a cute comics, but Captain Marvel is just a Billy Batson in a bulkier body, unlike Smith’s version which showed them as two separate personalities (they could even talk to each other). After the horribly odd and poorly-paced Trials of Shazam! and the ridiculous abuse of Mary Marvel in Countdown, I wonder if anyone knows how to write these characters well. C+

Heresy #1: It took me three reads to get into the story of Heresy mostly because of the art. Not that the art is hideous or anything, but the photo-realistic style makes it difficult to distinguish one dark-haired guy from another; luckily, the dialogue repeats the characters’ names enough times that I was able to sort out who was who before I lost interest, which would have been a shame. It’s a mystery story, so not everything is revealed at once, but what we learn connects post-Tsar Russia with a modern experiment with (I’m guessing) reanimated tissue. Pre-order at Ape Entertainment. B+

Stephen King’s The Stand: While not available until August, I got a sketchbook of the adaptation this week. The art looks good, but I’m always wary of adaptations; they never seem to carry the tone of the books through them, which should be the easiest thing on the world to do with the right artist. Look at Gaiman’s Neverworld comic or The Dresden Files – the artists were completely wrong for what the books are about, to say nothing is the useless and distracting the extra-textual material that took away time from actual textual material. I’m not saying this is the case for The Stand, but my first red flag (hee hee, pun) went up when I saw the nuclear explosion on the cover.

Giant-Size Astonishing X-Men #1: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A+

Final Crisis #1: There will be inevitable comparisons to the first DC crisis (Crisis on Infinite Earths), and Final Crisis may look a bit worse for it. In the first crisis, even though we knew universes were being destroyed and that the cloud would eventually come to the proper DCU, there was enough suspense about the who and the why (to say nothing of the excitement of seeing every DCU character interacting and the shocking deaths along the way) to buoy readers along and advance the plot. Final Crisis plods unnecessarily through the first issue and nothing really happens. I’m sure Grant Morrison has an amazing trick up his sleeve to get everything back to rights, but his leisurely legerdemain had me crying in frustration. And how did John Stewart not recognize Orion? Anyone remember a little thing called Cosmic Odyssey? C-

1985 #1: Millar is all about the intersection of reality and superheroes, as evidenced by Kick Ass, Ultimates and now 1985. Having been a young comics nerd in 1985 myself, there’s a lot of familiarity in these pages, especially in the comic shop with the wall-of-nostalgic-covers, but the story doesn’t compel me to read further. Really, do the centerpiece villains have the be the Vulture and the Mole Man? C

Thor #9: This will, no doubt, be my last issue of Thor. I liked the idea of him reconstituting the Asgardians and making neighbors with the Kansasians, but with this issue, we’re back to Loki (Lokie? Lokishe? Lokette?) trying to fuck around with everyone and divide loyalties and make herself look better than she really is. It’s the old Thor storylines again. This saddens me because the book started off hot, now it’s back to the tepidness that got it canceled in the first place. C

Hellblazer #144: Stories about libraries of “lost” books are like porn to me. Tales of bad popes and a Deity that really does watch what we do and secret theologies are dangerous porn, but more compelling than “cuz the Bible tells me so.” Hellblazer is my new dudetube. A+

House of Mystery #1: I know I enjoyed reading this book, but I’m not as interested in the “plot” as I am in the stories the people in the house tell (or will tell). Call me old-fashioned, but I’d like to see something like the original House of Mystery with several enjoyable, fun and vile stories per issue. B+

Wonder Woman #20: Wonder Woman meets Beowulf and The Stalker. Nice and kitschy with a strong retro spin. So very 2008. A

Grendel: Behold the Devil #7: Oh, Matt. MattMattMattMattMatt. You tricked me again. It’s my fault, really. I was bedazzled by your violent streak and charmed by your body count. The zombies distracted me from the flimsy story and now… the final betrayal: your penultimate issue is a summary of all the old Comico Grendel incarnations: Christine Spar and on. Oh, Matt. That’s why the Good Lord invented Wikipedia. D

The Dresden Files #1 – 2: SciFi couldn’t get it right, and gods love the Dabel Brothers for trying to get it right, but Harry Dresden still doesn’t have a decent half-life outside of his novel element. The story – Welcome to the Jungle – is intriguing, but the characters seem uncharacteristic, and the art is of the Witchblade boobs-and-abs-a-poppin’ style, which the cover art completely belies. B-

Hey all! This past week I was in Columbus, OH looking at houses and looking for a job, so while I got my comics (at The Laughing Ogre), I haven’t had time to write reviews for them. This week both Giant Sized Astonishing X-Men #1 and Final Crisis #1 will be out, so I’ll hold off reviewing anything ’til I get my hands on them.

Enjoy the holiday today!

Thor #8: Will Thor and/or Don Blake ever know the touch of a woman again? I mean, one that isn’t a slap across the face. Don proves that he’s Thor’s wingman through-and-through by going off in search of Lady Sif, leaving Jane Foster’s feelings as collateral damage. And with Loki sporting boobs now, you know there won’t be any love lost on that front either (as proven in this issue). A-

Grendel: Behold the Devil #6: I’ve always enjoyed Matt Wagner’s forays into the supernatural – Mage (the first series only) and The Demon especially. I keep forgetting that Grendel is also a supernatural story, probably because of the gang wars and intense violence. I think that Matt forgets that sometimes too. Thankfully, he’s back on track with this issue. A

Young Avengers presents Hulkling: Yay, Hulkling! Boo, Captain Marvel being alive by way of some ridiculous time-travel conceit! Given that I have my own father issues and that The Lion King makes me boo hoo every time I watch it, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t even get a little eye moisture reading this story. At least they admitted that Mar-vell was going to go back to his regular time and die like he should. B

Helen Killer #1: I have been waiting (rather impatiently) for this comic book for three months and the pay-off has been worth every minute of the wait. Kreisberg and Rice show us a Helen Keller who is at once a sheltered young woman (literally and metaphorically speaking) on the verge of figuring out who she can be and ready to break a guy’s hand just because she can. I felt actual glee when Helen beat the tar out of some street thugs. It was like seeing Mother Theresa take a smoke break. I cannot emphasize strongly enough how much you need to get this book! Oh, the darkness! A++

And how about this, The Dresden Files #1 sold out! Holy poop! After the disappointing Sci Fi TV series, it’s good to see enthusiasm for James Butcher’s stories hasn’t waned. Sadly, I didn’t get a copy before they were all gone *single tear*

Wonder Woman #19: What do Wonder Woman and my friend Michelle have in common? Gay men love them both. Unfortunately, Diana may have chosen a gay man to be her boyfriend. No real reason for me to think this other than the locker room scene. A+

Young Avengers Presents: Wiccan and Speed: When will Marvel let Teddy and Billy hug? Hold hands? Say “I love you”? As cute as their relationship is, the lack of PDAs is seriously annoying. Overall, the story didn’t do anything other than have Billy say he “sorta” like his brother Tommy at the end of their road trip. When is the on-going YA series coming back? B-

Kick-Ass #1 – 2: Dave asks his friends “why does everyone want to be Paris Hilton, but nobody wants to be spider-man?” then takes the next step of donning a costume to help people out. To some very real results. “Kick-Ass” is only up to issue 2, and i’m hoping that issue three will answer the question, “How DOES a superhero manage to get back home without anyone noticing?” because I’m dying to know. A+

Teen Titans Year One #1 – 3: I love the art in these books! It reminds me of animation cels I used to get in Pop-Tarts boxes. I also love the story. Sure, it’s another reboot/retcon/reimagining/updating/whatnot of the Titan’s origin, but it’s respectful of the past history while still being fresh. A+

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight #13: Last issue it was Buffy as lesbian; now it’s Xander as a fawning bottom to Dracula’s (ego-fragile) top. Read it just to watch Xander and Dracula trying not to sit around braiding each other’s hair, however disturbing we (and Xander’s Moor) may find it to be. A+

Secret Invasion #1: Ugh. I got drawn into the first issue when I was trying to resist liking it. There’s no way in this blue Earth I’m going to buy all the crossovers, but I’ll probably stick with the main book for its eight-issue run. Just answer one question for me: when did Phoenix team up with the West Coast Avengers? B+

Cemetery Blues #3: Is it the end of the series? The beginning of newer troubles? Will Lear and Orlock get over their fears and finally make out? This issue has an annoying “The End??” feel to it that seems premature since “The Beginning” was vagued out. C

Army of Darkness and Xena Warrior Princess: Why Not?! #1: “Why not?” I’ll tell ya why not! Because comic books based on popular franchises should spend some extra time and money a.) getting to know the characters they’re using and b.) making sure the characters in the book look like their filmed counterparts. D

Also, I have it on good authority that the Prism Comics: Your LGBT Guide to Comics 2008, edited by the ever-so-dear Jonathan Riggs will be on sale as soon as the end of the month. With over 300 pages of content (my article included!!) it’s a bargain at $7.95!

OH! Don’t forget that Helen Killer comes out April 30th!!!! ComicsBulletin seemed to hate it, but I’m still excited to see how “Helen Keller as superhero” is handled.

Thor #6: Marco Djurdjevic takes over penciling duties this issue as Thor learns the nature of being the son of a god who was the son of a god: “it’s all the same shit.” Plus, in a fit of quantum jiggling, Don Blake goes in search of Jane Foster. Thor & Sif & Don & Jane. Sounds like a crazy fourway. Threeway. A

Grendel: Behold the Devil #5: I love Matt Wagner’s artwork: clear lines, expressive faces, obvious attitudes, athletic violence. Yum! And while this chapter could have had more story to it, seeing Grendel fight zombies is worth he cover price. B

Wonder Woman #18: I’ve never seen Diana in love before that didn’t look like some American chick in love. But Diana isn’t American, so the way she shows her affections shouldn’t be common. Once again, Gail Simone shows how well she can write Wonder Woman’s character. No matter that the Khunds find her (Wonder Woman) to be hideous. A

Gutsville #3: FINALLY!!!!!! I’m still no clearer on who the NoSunMan is nor what Gutsville is inside, but the plot seems to hinge on a giant, magic, glowing uvula. Yeah, I’m not kidding. A+

Serenity: Better Days #1: I’m hoping that this isn’t why it’s taken three and a half years for Joss to write 24 issues of Amazing X-Men and two issues of Runaways, because (and, oh Lord, I know some angry brownshirt is gonna send me hate mail for this) is wasn’t worth it. There’s something about “untold chapters” I mistrust, especially when the movie left with so many other, newer stories to be told. C

Cemetery Blues #1 – 2: I picked this up on a whim and was pleased that my money wasn’t wasted (I’m usually a girl who likes a sure thing). The story begins in medias res – not my favorite technique – but the characters, their motivations and associated conflicts are easy to suss out. Strong uses of legends drew me in and kept me reading. I didn’t learn the why of everything, but I did learn how funny the word “flimsy” can be in certain situations. A

And in the coolest news I’ve heard in days, Manhunter returns this July with #31! Can I get an “All right!”?

Grendel: Behold the Devil #4: Oh, Matt! After such a strong start, we’re half-way through the series and there’s no sign of Grendel’s mysterious stalker, just his grousing about it. I find the rest of the story as interesting as I have since issue #1, but the earlier tension is getting tedious. B-

Thor #6: In one fell swoop (heh heh; pun), Thor restores all the Asgardians who have been hiding in mortal bodies since Ragnarok a few years ago. As in all things Marvel, The End of the World isn’t really the end. Ever. The highlight of the issue is the locals’ meeting with the Asgardians, especially the “indoor plumbing” discussion. This is supposed to be the end of the first story arc, but it doesn’t feel like the end. A

Justice League New Frontier Special: Good timing on DC’s part to have a New Frontier Special coincide with the release of the New Frontier DVD. So good one may cynically call it “milking the cash cow”. Nevertheless, the stories therein are enjoyable and give some interesting insights into the political side of the early JLA. A

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season Eight #12: Has anyone NOT heard about lesbian Buffy, yet? Too late. Now you have. Ironic hillarity follows after Buffy says she wants to keep things on the DL for now. Butt monkey!! A

Northlanders #1: This was recommended to me by uhm.. this really nice guy at Austin Books and Comics. Dammit, now I’m embarrassed for not knowing his name. (UPDATE: his name is Seth) He said it was a little like Conan, about actual Norsemen and not their gods. It was kinda OK. I always find it disconcerting when ancient characters drop f- and sh-bombs, but one could attribute that to an analogous translation. I suppose. Overall, meh. C

Buffy the Vampire Slayer #11: Joss Whedon came back to write the one-shot story in which Twilight makes his first appearance. I’m convinced we’ve seen this guy before in the regular TV series, though not as “Twilight”. Any guesses as to whom it may be? A

The Infinite Horizon #1 – 2: Also recommended by.. Troy? Trent? Dammit. (UPDATE:  Seth.) I love the classics. I hate war comics. The Infinite Horizon, as a near-future retelling of The Odyssey (set in the Middle East because it’s topical), manages to make me forget it’s a war comic. The art is funky – pulpy, stylized at times, patina-ed not colored. A-

Wonder Woman #17: I cried during this issue (of course, this could be because I’m feeling a little brittle this week). Simone continues her triumphant run on WW, in this, the last chapter of “The Circle”. What else is there to say? A+

As a side note, I’m enjoying the Witchblade anime on IFC, but I wonder at the artistic choice of the jiggly wineskin boobs on all the chicks. I also suspect that the Masane and Hiroko (is that the daughter’s name?) have switched personalities, but are as yet unaware of it.

Wonder Woman #16: I need to go back and re-read the issue that explained where this story takes place and how Diana can access Paradise Island again (if indeed the story takes place on Paradise Island at all), but just knowing how well Gail Simone has been handling the Amazon Princess so far, I’m sure this misunderstanding is completely my fault. Simone even managed to touch me in a deep deep place this issue – one of Captain Nazi’s soldier’s told an underling to burn the library on Themiscyra!!! The evil!!! A+

Astonishing X-Men #24: I will miss this storyline and this team (the X-men and the mundane creative one), but it seems that with the “death” of the X-Men at the end of The Messiah Complex that everyone is going to be re-arranged. Again. At least we get one more issue out of the whole thing – “Giant Sized Astonishing X-Men #1″ – but not until April. The art is stunning, as usual. My favorite panel is the X-Men fighting on the surface of the retaliator, space Breakworld and beyond laid out before them in stunning perspective. A+

Grendel: Behold the Devil #3: Thank God(s/dess) that Argent wasn’t the presence haunting Grendel (in both identities, we find out this issue), because Argent is so… unsubtle (as we also find out this issue, if we didn’t know before). Still, Wagner isn’t dropping any hints (I think) and that’s getting a bit annoying; however, the action sequences and the last line of the issue more than make up for that. A

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 8 #10: Was Andy Owens just going out of his way to be bewildering in this issue for kicks or is this part of a plan? The story overall was great (and sad a bit – not only about the lies revealed but also learning the purpose of The Twilight), but some of the dialogue defied comprehension. Things didn’t seem so bad before, nothing the gang couldn’t handle, right? But now, everyone looks pretty tainted. A-

The Twelve #0 – 1: JMS digs deep into Marvel’s vaults to find his team in this 12 issue mystery mini-series. Issue 0 is a hoot and a half, seeing all the old-time drawings and plot devices. And, man, are they violent! I was stunned by the amount of death (then again the number of times “kill” and “death” are said in The Superfriends stuns me, too) in them. An interesting read. B+

Rex Mundi: The Guardian of the Temple: Why has no one ever told me about this incredible book before?? A