Yes, this is a late-in-coming post, but I can’t not share it with you even if Christmas is a month gone.
You’re no doubt looking at the picture above and wondering where you too can get a zombie cap just like the one pictured. You can’t. At least, not commercially. And just not yet. This was created by Season Crannell and Chris Dye for me to give to my nephew for Christmas. I wanted something unique to give him, something that I knew none of his other friends would have. I told them this idea I had for a cap that was both cute and horrifying (and warm, of course), and they delivered in a big way. I think it needs to be on Etsy and a million need to be sold.
It is a great gift for any holiday. And it is the perfect companion to a Zombie Meal Time t-shirt.
Raptor Jesus sends you his toothy blessings.
[via Scott McGrath]
Digital Fabulists released a collection of my short stories today on Amazon.com. I’m truly amazed and thrilled.
Juan Romera has been really busy with other projects lately, so I went looking for another artist to help him catch up with the story. It took a very long time, but I finally am able to announce that A. Kaviraj will be taking over pencil and ink duty for Frater Mine #10. There were a lot of talented people who applied, but Kav’s style was the one closest to what I want for the series. As you can see, he has shadowy, black-and-white panels down:
In his own words:
A. Kaviraj is a teacher and artist who lives in Sacramento, CA. He’s been an artist all his life but only recently became good enough to draw professionally. That’s right, kids; it can take a long time! He draws 4-5 pages a week, pencils and inks, and enjoys every minute of it. He’s always bugging his editors for “More script! More script!”. What he DOESN’T like is people interrupting his drawing or watching him draw at the local coffeshop where he does his inking. His favorite artist is Sean Phillips.
More of his work can be seen here and here!
Welcome aboard, Kav!
Just what readers across America are clamoring for: another tween vampire romance novel, right? Yes. This one. Gemini Bites is a vampire novel with heart (no stakes attached) and wood (still not talking about stakes). Twins and rivals-in-life Kyle and Judy are both attracted to Garret, a houseguest and self-proclaimed bloodsucker, who plays it infuriatingly close to the vest with his feelings. Is he straight? Gay? Or after plasma from whomever he can get? Even Judy Blume in her Maybe-I-Won’tingest moments didn’t go full-on homo like Ryan’s book does – good on you, Scholastic Press for bringing boners back to YA lit! – but Ryan keeps it classy, cute, and, once the masquerades end, completely real.
Gemini Bites by Patrick Ryan
Scholastic Press
4 ½ stars out of 5
originally published in Instinct Magazine April 2011
WB Games announced today (a week after Best Buy had) that the Tim Drake Robin will be available for play in the much-anticipated (by me, polling at 100%) Batman: Arkham City for those who pre-order via Best Buy.
I would never have considered myself a gamer; even in “If I get a ________, it would be pretty cool to _______ and play ________!” moments, the excitement was passing as I became overwhelmed by more mundane concerns like “What are all these buttons for?”. However, after purchasing an XBOX 360 this past Christmas and Batman: Arkham Asylum as my maiden game, I can say I am still not a gamer, but I do have a wonderful amount of fun losing an hour or two or more playing a story and watching the narrative unfold. But a gamer or not, I am ridiculously excited for Batman: Arkham City and the chance to play Robin. I say I pre-ordered to get Robin for my nephew, but that’s a lie. He’s for me. And look at how beautifully rendered he is! After October 18, it’s possible no one will hear from me until well after New Year’s (I am still an amateur, you see).
What do you think of Robin?
[image via Gamer Center Online]
Jody Wheeler, the man behind the all-things-queer-and-geeky website DoorQ, has branched out to running his own book imprint, DoorQ.com Publishing (to say nothing of his producer credit in “Judas Kiss“), which released its first eBook on Amazon.com this morning. And, I’m very proud to say that it’s my “The Latter History and Subsequent Burning of Little Red Riding Hood”.
The eBook is only 99 cents for a Kindle, so it’s worth your time to click on the link and support not only me, but also Jody who is doing great things for queer writers.
I had forgotten about this movie until today (funnily enough). Mimi Rogers plays a woman who is so convinced that God is coming for her that she does something unspeakable in order to meet Him. The film had no choice but to go through the End of the World and into Judgement. In the final scene, Mimi Rogers must declare her love for God in order to be welcomed into Heaven, a goal she has (dare I say it?), religiously pursued for the past several years of her life. Her choice is one I never saw coming, but it haunts me still. Find a copy.
…or, as I like to think, the beginning of a New Age on Earth without the kind of religionist (or at least 200,000,000 of them) who would want to be raptured in the first place. I bid them a safe flight, but feel free to lose our address.
In short, the movie is called “Sucker Punch” because you simply don’t see the stupid coming. I am deeply DEEPLY worried about the Superman franchise because of this.
In long, I’m going to ruin the movie for you. There will be no coy references to possible plot points, or oblique descriptions of the action in order to avoid possible spoilers because I want to spoil the movie for you. I want you to read this review, and say to yourself, “Well, thanks a lot, Sean! Now I know what’s going to happen!” Exactly. I want you to save your money for something important, like paying parking tickets or… neutering your pets.
If you’ve seen any of the trailers, you have an idea of what the movie is about: a girl is taken to an insane asylum and left there by some sweaty older dude for what can only be nefarious purposes. There is a voice-over saying something about “using the weapons that are in side of you”, “be strong”, and “find the way out.” From this, I inferred that this girl was involved in some kind of experimental therapy that would not only heal her mind, but give her the power to go full-on Hamlet on the aforementioned sweaty, old dude. Sadly, that was not Zach Snyder’s “Sucker Punch”, and, frankly, the movie in my head was a gagillion times better than what I saw in the theatre last night. Sweaty old dude is actually Babydoll’s (we assume this is her name, though I’m sure that was not the one given at the baptismal font) step-father, widower of her recently deceased mother, who left all of her considerable estate to her two daughters, Babydoll and Soon-to-Be-Dead-at-Babydoll’s-Inexpert-Handling-of-a-Gun, much to the chagrin of Step-dad. Whether out of revenge or creepy plot to impregnate and marry one of the girls, Step-dad makes a move for Babydoll, gets scratched across the face for his efforts, locks Babydoll in her room, then goes for the younger sister. Babydoll escapes out an window and returns holding a gun, fires at Step-dad, but kills her sister instead (in the most magical of bullets since the one that took out JFK). The cops come and Babydoll is taken to an asylum for “the mentally insane”. In the asylum, we see the major therapeutic vehicle for the inmates recovery: “The Theatre”, where girls work out there problems by re-living them for an audience. Step-dad makes a deal with an orderly named Blue to have Babydoll lobotomized before the cops can ask more questions about that night’s events. In three days, the doctor will arrive to perform the “surgery”. So, we have the set-up: dead mother and sister, guilt-wracked innocent (you can tell by her pink pajamas), salacious and covetous step-dad, corrupt institution, method of redemption, possible allies, and a deadline to escape. All this is done in a tableau/montage to a re-mix of “Sweet Dreams Are Made of This”, and is a pretty effective prologue (mostly because it matched what was going on in my head), so I thought I could settle in for two hours of me and Zach Snyder quibbling over the details of how “our” movie would unfold.
Nope. The very next scene is the doctor arriving and lobotomizing Babydoll with a leucotome, but before the hammer can hit the nail on the head, the action becomes a slow motion freeze, and Babydoll is replaced by Sweet Pea in a blonde wig asking Dr. Vera Gorski how or why this scene should even happen. We are no longer in the insane asylum; we are in a brothel/theatre in which the young ladies of the music of the night are taught one dance with which they can seduce/entertain clients. Babydoll has been watching the performance from the audience, as her priestly caregiver from the orphanage sells her to Director/Producer/Pimp Blue.
There are three layers of reality to this movie: Real Life, “The Theatre”, and “Hyperlife”. Real Life is the one we saw at the very beginning with the institutionalized Heiress Babydoll. “The Theatre” is the metaphor Babydoll uses to cope with her circumstances in Real Life.
“Hyperlife” is the sword-and-skirts kung fu fantasia that, let’s face it, is what everyone going to the movie thinks they want to see. “The Theatre” is a completely unnecessary conceit in this film, and, in fact, is the major source of confusion for most viewers, but without it, the movie would have nothing to hold it together (unless, of course, MY script were being used) and would probably top off at around 45 minutes. What’s confusing is that it is entirely a flashback to the three days starting with Babydoll’s arrival at the asylum right up to her lobotomy, but is told in the moment before the lobotomy cuts her brain in two. So, what we see in the movie is Arrival at the Asylum-Lobotomy(I)-The Theatre-Hyperlife-The Theatre-Hyperlife-The Theatre-Hyperlife-The Theatre-Lobotomy (II). In actuality, the order is Arrival at the Asylum-The Theatre-Hyperlife-The Theatre-Hyperlife-The Theatre-Hyperlife-The Theatre-Lobotomy. Why this had to be told in flashback is anyone’s guess. We find out at the end of the movie that everything Babydoll accomplished in Hyperlife as a metaphor for what she accomplished in The Theatre was all a metaphor for what she accomplished in Real Life. In essence, there was a narrative middleman who upped the charges for selling us these goods when really, we should have gotten them directly from the buyer. So to speak. I’ve read that people are comparing “Sucker Punch” to “Inception” for showing layers of alternate reality, and while this is true on the surface, “Sucker Punch” has none of the depth or novelty that “Inception” did. We don’t wonder about how far down the rabbit hole we’ve gone because we know. We see the sign posts that say “This way out”. We see how this is a daydream and not a soul lost in the crushing grandeur of the multiverse. There is no awe in “Sucker Punch”.
In The Theatre, Babydoll befriends four other inmates – Rocket and her sister Sweet Pea, Amber, and Blondie. Together they plot their escape by obtaining four objects – a map, fire,a knife, and key. Babydoll knows they have to find these items because they came to her in a vision she has while she dances for the first time. According to all witnesses, Babydoll has a raw power about her dance that leaves men and women breathless. However, the only move we ever see her perform is a shoulder roll, then she escapes to Hyperlife and walks that I’ve-been-across-the-world-yet-even-the-peaks-of-Tibet-bore-me, weary-yet-powerful slo-mo walk that “The Hangover II” made fun of 20 minutes earlier in the previews. Don’t tell me there’s going to be cake if there’s not going to be cake. It makes me think you don’t know how to bake. But here’s the thing, Mr. Snyder, even if you don’t know how to bake, I’ll bet there’s a pastry shop somewhere in your town. Hire them to bake a cake. Of course, the cake you’re serving up might actually be pie, so if you don’t let us see the cake, maybe we’ll never guess that it’s pie. If that’s what happened here, I have to wonder why you didn’t hire cake in the first place. There is also a fifth item that is necessary for escape, but, as Babydoll is told, it is something that only she can find and will require a great sacrifice. Then she has to fight three giant samurai with a sword she picked up only moments before. Can you guess the end? Yeah, she wins after leaping a tall learning curve in a slow-motion-freeze single bound. Three more fights like this one to gain their quest objects – against zombie Nazis, wyvern, and a runaway train – are mind-numbingly dull. There is never a sense that these girls aren’t going to win, so the Snyderized fights become these impenetrably dull and lifeless pantomimes. And so ponderous. They’re the visual equivalent of a Calculus textbook.
With two of the items – a map and fire – won, the knife and Rocket are lost when… something goes awry. I’m not sure what or how. Rocket tries to get the knife away from the cook while Babydoll dances for him, but when he discovers her wandering hands, he stabs her. Babydoll is shaken out of Hyperlife for a moment, then retreats back to watch her friend die, which doesn’t make sense because she stood up to the cook in Rocket’s defense only 30 minutes beforehand. What causes her to distance herself now is never explained nor does it make Rocket’s death tragic, heroic or anything-ic. She just dies in Hyperlife and in The Theatre. Then Blue discovers their plan and condemns Sweet Pea to the closet, and executes Amber and Blondie (who never did much of anything to begin with except have ironic names).
Now, here’s what I guess the sucker punch of the movie is supposed to be: the climax. Babydoll stabs Blue and steals his master key. She absconds with Sweet Pea, but finds that the main gate of The Theatre is guarded by heavies. Babydoll then deciphers the message of her first Hyperlife experience: this is not her story; it’s Sweet Pea‘s story. I beg to differ with you, Babydoll, but an hour and forty-five minutes of following your POV tells me this is, indeed, your story. Babydoll has to sacrifice herself so Rocket can escape. it’s this kind of “Oh, look how profound I am!” self-satisfied moment that led my brother to declare that this movie was made for “13 year-old horny, emo cutters.” I have to agree. This is just bad poetry. Bad like… oh, Lord. An ex of mine, whom I hope doesn’t read my blog, once read me a poem of his that said something like “I’m as old as the mountains and as young as the sea.” And my first thought was, I’d really like to get laid tonight, and if I’m honest with him that’s not going to happen. So, I dissembled a bit and got lucky, but not even all that deep down I knew that the poem was bad because it was so greenly self-conscious. Much like this twist in “Sucker Punch”. Babydoll distracts the guards by kicking one of them in the balls. As Sweet Pea exits the gate, the guard punches Babydoll in the face, and…
POP! In goes the leucotome. We’re back in the Real World, and Babydoll is a vegetable. No revenge on Step-dad. No regaining her position in society. No becoming a stronger person by tapping into her fantasies of power. Just… leafy greens and $6 gone.
“Sucker Punch” is full of allusions – I’m being charitable when I call them “allusions” – to other media. “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”, “Akira”, and “I, Robot” to name a few, but I think visuals may help a bit:
This falls hard after reading about the weekend of Megacon drama. Not to say that Zack Snyder is a plagiarist or anything like that, but how far can “homage” go?
And, finally, not to put too fine a point on my disdain for this movie, but while I can see a “steam- and cog-driven” mecha suit – steampunk is making the rounds these days (have you see the “The Three Musketeers” trailer?), and nothing seems too old-fashioned that it can’t be retro-fitted into being more modern – why are there floating computer screens inside the mecha? Can steam really make light-based UIs? Why even explain it at all if girls in SCA coswear are fighting zombie Nazis? If I can accept one, I can accept the other without explanation. It’s like Julie Taymor’s Arachne explaining her love for all things cobbled with, “I descended from the astral plane with the help of human shoes!” Silence would have been a better answer.
I wrote this review from the hip, so I’m sure there are errors here and there, some unfinished thoughts, and perhaps a bit of libel, but I wanted to get it out as soon as possible and keep others from making the same mistake I did. Stay home. Masturbate. I insist.
Warner Bros. Television has provided [Superherohype] with the first image of Adrianne Palicki starring as the title character in the new NBC pilot “Wonder Woman,” from executive producer David E. Kelley (“Boston Legal,” “Ally McBeal,” NBC’s “Harry’s Law”). The pilot was written by Kelley, who also serves as executive producer with Bill D’Elia (“Boston Legal,” “The Practice,” NBC’s “Harry’s Law”). Jeffrey Reiner (“The Event”) is directing. Based upon DC Comics characters, “Wonder Woman” is from David E. Kelley Productions and Warner Bros. Television.
Normally, I wouldn’t post about something like this, but it just throws two things into sharp relief: 1.) Jim Lee’s current costume in WW does not say “I’m in hiding,” and 2.) I have no idea why I’m not in television.
Brian Cronin, who is the voice of Comics Should Be Good over at Comic Book Resources is reviewing one LGBTQ comic book a day for the entire month of March. On March 13, Brian reviewed Frater Mine and he completely made my week with his praise for the book, especially recognizing the (in my opinion) superlativeness of Scott, Dan, Juan, Andres, and Ed. So, please take a look at what Brian had to say about the comic and the team.
Because I’ve been involved in the LGBTQ comics community for a while now, I sometimes think that I know all the players, but thanks to Brian’s reviews, I am now aware of comics and artists I had no idea existed. I definitely am going to check out Dar: A Super Girly Top Secret Comic Diary, Wandering Son, and Tough (so far as his list has gone). See Brian’s full archive for anything that might interest you.
Michael D. Hamersky posted about the Online Identity Calculator, an app that, after answering a few simple questions, can show you how visible your brand (i.e., “you”) is to Google, because, as the website states, “if you don’t show up in Google, you don’t exist.”
Curious, I tried it and learned that I am highly distinctive, but low on diversity. In other words, I need to have more pictures of me and my products out there in order to… I dunno, topple Justin Beiber from the top of the love-pile, or get my own radio show, or something else involving insane amounts of cash coming my way. Which would be nice. So, how do I market my distinctiveness? Anyone?
“Knowledge is nuclear. One may think it can be contained inside curriculum and classrooms, but eventually a mind goes critical mass and the next thing you know the C.H.U.D.s have taken over New York and Tina Turner is bidding taciturn strangers to “spin the wheel, Raggedy Man!” Metaphorically speaking.” –Me
I won’t be watching the Super Bowl this year, but I do want to pass along this confection which be a part of the normal deluge of outstandingly creative advertising campaigns.
This clip introducing The Daily Show and Jon Stewart’s newest segment “Let’s All Stand on John McCain’s Lawn is – no exaggeration here – the funniest thing I’ve seen on TV in years.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Let’s All Stand on John McCain’s Lawn | ||||
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Please please please Diamond Select Toys, mass produce Puppet John McCain and Puppet Michael Steele like you did for Angel!
Please??
Of course, Family Guy was making a joke when they rechristened Huck Griffin’s friend as “N-word Jim”, but it’s no joke that NewSouth’s upcoming edition of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn will replace the n-word with “Slave” in order to make the book more palatable to the sensibilities of younger readers, and, no doubt, to save teachers from clenching their buttcheeks with embarrassment during read-aloud time. The word “Injun” is also up for some CTRL-H softening, though I can’t find what the replacement word will be.
As someone who has taught this book to high school-age students with reading comprehension problems and as someone who read it as a high school junior, I have to say this is a confusing decision, especially given the reasoning behind the decision:
But the heart of the matter is opening up the novels to a much broader, younger, and less experienced reading audience: “Dr. Gribben recognizes that he’s putting his reputation at stake as a Twain scholar,” said La Rosa. “But he’s so compassionate, and so believes in the value of teaching Twain, that he’s committed to this major departure. I almost don’t want to acknowledge this, but it feels like he’s saving the books. His willingness to take this chance—I was very touched.”
However, there are abridged editions of Huck Finn available for younger readers (I assume fourth or fifth grade) that pare away the mature language, Twain’s voice, irony, and subplots to only the essential story most people on the street would tell you if you asked them to summarize the book. This I have no problem with because the full novel is, frankly, a bitch to read. Rewarding, yes, but it requires more work than a ten-year old can put into it. So, why cite “younger readers” as a concern when the book isn’t for them in the first place?
Huck Finn is the third most banned book of all time, mostly because of its word choices (though the complaints are more about using “trashy” colloquialisms – “sweat” instead of “perspire” – than the dehumanization of Jim and other slaves). And even as I type this, I hesitated for a good minute about the previous sentence: “Do I simply write ‘Jim’ or do I show solidarity with Twain’s intent and say ‘N… N…’ and maybe spend the next few days defending myself from accusations of racism?” See?!? It’s a difficult word to put out there. So, I understand the impulse to “be good”, but why at the expense of the author’s intent, which was to show… ah, screw it – Nigger Jim as the best of all the characters?
Alan Gribben, the man behind the revision, may have the best of intentions, but altering history just because it leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth is blindfolding someone with velvet. Boo to him.
