…one need only turn to James Gunn’s new PG Porn, sponsored by Spike TV, that claims to be “for people who like everything about porn… except the sex!” Their first movie – “Nailing Your Wife” – stars my boyfriend Nathan Fillion and it’s… well, it’s better than most straight porns I’ve ever seen because it has Nathan Fillion and lacks baby caves. Win-win.

I had decided to leave political musings off the website because there was too much going on changing form day to day, and by the time I thought to put up news it was already olds. Not only that, but that’s not what I want to do with this blog. There are plenty of other places to get wry political insight.

HOWEVER

The English nerd in me loves this and can’t resist posting it. From 236.com, I give you

Diagramming a Sarah Palin sentence broke our heads in half
Easy, girls, bad grammar ain’t contagious.

Sarah Palin’s command of the English language is suspect. Her unscripted answers to Katie Couric’s questions suggest the she has memorized 15-20 prepositional phrases, and is only capable of repeating them in no particular order. But, ya know, incomprehensible run-ons are her style. At a debate during the 2006 Alaska gubernatorial race, one opponent, Andrew Halcro, called her responses “political gibberish.”

Exhibit A: After Halcro asked how she would pay for health care, Palin said this:

“I can’t tell you how much that will reduce monetarily our health care costs, but competition makes everyone better, it makes us work harder, it does allow reduction in costs, so addressing that is going to be a priority.”

Whoa. After watching about five videos by Yossarian the Grammarian, we diagrammed that Sarah Palin sentence. Gibberish or an endless parade of subordinate clauses? You decide:

BAM KAPOW!, the TMZ of comic news (OH OH OH! Who else is excited that Kenneth Branagh wants to direct the upcoming Thor movie???) has a video that translates V’s inaugural speech in V for Vendetta to great comedic effect.

In other Diva news, the spiritual mother of all gay men, Lynda Carter, had some choice words for Philadelphia Magazine about Sarah Palin this week.

Okay, last question. I’m sure you’ve seen all the comparisons in the media and among Republicans of Sarah Palin to Wonder Woman. How do you feel about that?

Don’t get me started. She’s the anti-Wonder Woman. She’s judgmental and dictatorial, telling people how they’ve got to live their lives. And a superior religious self-righteousness … that’s just not what Wonder Woman is about. Hillary Clinton is a lot more like Wonder Woman than Mrs. Palin. She did it all, didn’t she?

No one has the right to dictate, particularly in this country, to force your own personal views upon the populace — religious views. I think that is suppressive, oppressive, and anti-American. We are the loyal opposition. That’s the whole point of this country: freedom of speech, personal rights, personal freedom. Nor would Wonder Woman be the person to tell people how to live their lives. Worry about your own life! Worry about your own family! Don’t be telling me what I want to do with mine.

I like John McCain. But this woman — it’s anathema to me what she stands for. I think America should be very afraid. Very afraid. Separation of church and state is the one thing the creators of the Constitution did agree on — that it wasn’t to be a religious government. People should feel free to speak their minds about religion but not dictate it or put it into law.

What I don’t understand, honestly, is how anyone can even begin to say they know the mind of God. Who do they think they are? I think that’s ridiculous. I know what God is in my life. Now I am sure that she’s not all just that. But it’s enough to me. It’s enough for me to have a visceral reaction. And it makes me mad.

People need to speak up. Doesn’t mean that I’m godless. Doesn’t mean that I am a murderer. What I hate is this demonization of everybody but one position. You’re un-American because you’re against the war. It’s such bullshit. Fear. It’s really such a finite way of thinking about God to think that your measley little mind can know the mind of God. It’s a very little God that way. I think that God’s bigger. I don’t presume to know his mind. Or her mind.

–via tygrlad on the GLA Yahoo! group

Whereas I can’t disagree with anything that Ms. Carter is saying, I’m beginning to think that with all the picking on Palin going on (fish in a barrel, to be sure; one might even say “a red herring”), that there’s some surprise out there that’s going to gobsmack the more progressive side of the political spectrum. She’s too easy a target, already wounded prey, if you know what I mean.

Seattle’s The Stranger has one of the best movie reviews I’ve read in my life, ostensibly written by Diane Keaton. I have no idea if this is her work or not, but I can totally see her saying this (she’s a wild woman!):

What’s up, bitches? Diane Keaton here. I just got back from seeing The Women and, um, I couldn’t help but notice something: I AM NOT IN THIS MOVIE. Where the fuck am I? I am the queen bee of this shit. The hive mother. Annette Bening wishes she could smile through her tears like Diane Keaton! You know the Meg Ryan character? The one who spent her whole life trying to be everything to everybody but somehow somebody is always disappointed? That’s like if my entire oeuvre mated with itself and gave birth to a mega-me. I’m sure you remember when Meg Ryan says, “Wouldn’t it be great if when you were born, they gave you a rule book?” I am, like, ALWAYS saying that! I should have mailed that shit to myself. Then there’s the Jada Pinkett Smith lesbian (“If we’re lost, we both ask for directions”). I could SO play that character. I invented lesbians. Look it up. And the little girl who makes a tiny bonfire of tampons because she’s just not ready to become a woman? Did you even THINK of casting Diane Keaton in that role? No? Big. Fucking. Mistake. I can play young. Hey, Hollywood. Write this down. Next time you make a two-hour vaginal suppository that hasn’t met a feminine cliché it didn’t dip in chocolate and shove down America’s gullet (smoking, shopping, cheating, faked orgasms, diets, supermodels, bubble baths, hunger, water breaking, Botox), maybe you should do your job and fucking call Diane Keaton. Bitches.

–via JoeMyGod

DC’s Crisis on Infinite Earths is still the most audacious idea any comic book company has ever come up with: a gripping story to reset the universe and clear up all the lingering plot holes (some of which had been around for decades!) that had been plaguing writers and editors. Not to be outdone, Marvel gave us Secret Wars (I and II because one really should flush twice), to which all comic book maxi-series’ and crossover badness can trace its ancestry.

Worse, such badness has become de rigueur; every year, a new crisis or complex or conflict has to invade the Big Two’s Universes and (without getting into too much detail) they all blow goat cock. Sorry, but I still don’t know what Infinite Crisis was all about, who died, and why I should care.

That’s where Matt Gardner comes in. Matt, AKA “wogoat”, has created a series of stunning flash videos which beautifully summarize all of Marvel and DC’s incomprehensible plot lines and editing gaffes. My personal favorites are Phoenix Season (not only because I love Jean Grey, but also because I love anything that makes fun of X3 and Emma Frost) and Justice League: Countdown (mostly because of Zatanna and her mind-wiping “magic”).

Enjoy!

Thanks to Mando for the link!