If anyone doubts that the religious, social and political climate in the United States has taken a turn towards the theocratic, you’re either not paying attention or you’re an idiot. Four Republcian presidential candidates were told by God to run for the highest governmental office in the land (hysterically enough to make one doubt the power or existence of an Omnipotent Divinity, all but one have vanished from the scene and he’s a few altos short of a choir (see below for his most recent vileness), and the remaining all have pledged their utmost to undo marriage equality, abortion, and porn. Catholic Churches, who take money from the public, are preaching that the government is engaging in religious oppression, when they are actually asking the Church to follow the law or stop sucking on the taxpayers’ teat. Some would rather cut services than have their beliefs sullied, which is respectable on one level, but on another, I know that priests eat lobster and shrimp (and I don’t mean just young boys’ toes), so cherry-picking which crass and irrelevant parts of the Bible are best to inflict on the 21st century is just hypocrisy at its most blatant.
None of that, however, approaches the eisegetical theocracy which Bishop Eddie Long envisions himself leading. Long is “Bishop” of the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Georgia, a megachurch that seats 10,000 God-botherers every Sunday (most interestingly, their “About Us” page reads like a financial statement and not an disclosure of their Christ-like works (I refuse to link to it)). He has also recently become famous for what many male religious authority figures famous for: boy-fucking. Yet for reasons I cannot fathom, bishop Long has not only been forgiven by his flock, but in a ceremony that both terrifies and nauseates, was also declared “King” by Rabbi Ralph Messer, who called Long “humble” (the almost-real hair tapestry on his head notwithstanding, one assumes) and also referred to the Torah mantle as a “foreskin”. If you have 15 minutes to kill, hate life, and think LSD is “meh”, watch and be prepared to have your mind blown:
If this looks only like a particularly vulgar piece of theatre to you, which it is, you’re missing the significance of being wrapped in the Torah and given the belt which binds the scroll: Eddie Long was just declared the Messiah. But what good has he done? What good to the world is he? And the answer is the same: “Nothing.” He has, however, stepped up the game of Race to Fundamentalism to a new and horrifying level. Presidential candidates (indeed, some Presidents, too) can only talk to God, but Long now is God. He has taken to himself the mantle and responsibility of Savior, and with a congregation of 250,000 to back that claim up (I assume the other 240,000 who were unable to get tickets to this performance are of fervor equal to those who were in attendance for this charlatan’s apotheosis), so where does that leave the other players on the board? Will Michelle Bachmann have to get Long on speed dial if she intends to keep her Christian cred? Will Long’s reign be a benign one or will his followers take to the streets to declare the return of Christ and cull away “non-believers”? Does lispy Tim Tebow have to pay Long royalties on every righteous touchdown? I see nothing good coming of this. But of late, I feel the same about any brand of theology: they will be the ruin of us all. Better to let something like The Second Coming happen -God dies and we’re left to our own devices and our own fates without anyone to shift blame towards- and forget about It on all levels. Whatever It might be, if It is, I cannot believe these people are Its Voice. I refuse to believe it. Is this the best It can muster as a representative? I hate these people. I hate them as they claim to speak for It. I hate them in Its Name. The idea of hating anyone makes me feel like I’ve failed as a human being, but these people push me past all endurance. Their crass, inhumane religion of sociopathy actually brings me to tears. I hear them and think, “Things would be so much better if we eradicated ourselves from the face of the planet!” They make me hate humanity.
And for that, they can go to Hell.
Then I think, “What if they do speak for It? What if their words are indeed an accurate expression of the Infinite’s Will and All?”
Well, then I will go to Hell. Willingly.
“I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.”
– Galileo Galilei
With any sort of luck, extremist Christianity is gasping its last, though if what I saw on January 4, 2009 at the Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY is any indication, they’re definitely going down fighting, even if it’s through a fog of self-deception and pitiable myopia. Dedicated to the beliefs that a.) the Earth was created in six days, b.) the Earth is a mere 6,000 years old, c.) Noah’s flood was a worldwide disaster and d.) dinosaurs roamed Eden alongside Adam and Eve, the Creation Museum was a have-to-go side trip on my way back to Texas after two weeks at home with my family. Why did I go? To make fun of it? To know what is being said? To satisfy my curiosity? To know the enemy? To see if I’m missing out on something? Ostensibly, this was a side-vacation to see the ever-adorable Jonathan Riggs, but why this place to meet up?
Ever Adorable. Amen.
down the rabbit hole
Of late, whenever I’m approached at a red light by someone from a church organization looking for a donation to keep drugs off kids or trout-mouth slatterns out of the Senate offices or whatever, I tell them I’m an atheist. I’m not (per se), but it ends the discussion and makes me feel like I’ve ruined someone’s good time. I know. It’s horrible of me, and it’s also becoming something of a compulsion. One that I’m going to have to get control of, especially after what I did a few minutes ago.
Last night, we had snow in Austin, and my friend Ann changed her status on Facebook to something about how we should all pray for more snow, and then this happened:
It gets worse, the respondent is a kid, maybe 19. It’s like firing cannonballs at a dinghy, I know, but… eek. This is not good, and certainly not in the Christmas Spirit. I’m not moved to apologize or delete the comment, mind you. I’m more concerned about my becoming someone I wouldn’t want to hang out with.
Rights Aren’t Just For The Righteous!
I (along with an estimated 3,000 others) attended the Austin area’s Join the Impact rally and instead of writing something clever here, I’m going to ask you to look at the pictures (click to see them engorge), and listen to the speakers talk from the heart about how much it means for them to get married, not only as citizens of the United States, but as tax-paying citizens of the United States. One this I will say is that they were classier than I would have been. They asked that certain groups not be demonized nor targeted for their beliefs, whereas I would have laid blame where blame belongs. Nevertheless, “classy”. Two regrets: my camera ran out of juice before I could get a picture of 10-year old Mason becoming Austin’s new Marriage Equality spokesperson and my not making a sign that would have read Atheist 4 the REAL Jesus. [audio:http://www.orthocomics.com/files/National%20Day%20of%20Protest%20(Austin).mp3]
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Normally, I’d say “Keep the kids away from the Bible! You don’t know where it’s been!” but these takes on those stories of dubious origin are kinda charming, especially the retelling of the story of Saint Patrick by a child from the film Give Up Your Aul Sins. It’s the simple Faith I love.
Then there’s this sarcastic git:
Hysterical and accurate. I wish there were more.
