Justice League #4

Oh, sweet untouched Mary on assback, the testosterone! Still! Four issues in and just glancing at the cover gets me hard with visions of high school locker room posturing and towel snapping! I suppose there is something to be said about having reprehensible characters lead a story – it is what drove Married with Children to be so popular, to say nothing of 16 and Pregnant or It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia or Seinfeld. Or Glee, for that matter. But the characters should at least be intriguing, draw us in, and maybe pause for a moment to let us in on the adventure. But so far, this maiden arc of Justice League is the comic book equivalent of Rush Hour: lots of noise but not one inward glace or moment of calm, rational discussion.

Superman has become anti-establishment, but is he still a hero of the people? Morrison has Army General Lane coming to the realization that not only has he been manipulated into hating Superman by Lex Luthor, but also that superman is the only one who can save his daughter from being collected by Brainiac. Jump ahead to JL times and Superman still distrusts the government. It will be interesting to see how these stories are bridged.

Wonder Woman doesn’t know ice cream, but can tell when someone’s flesh has been fused to cybernetic armor.

Flash is the adult child of an alcoholic, and so far can sing one note.

Batman wants to be in charge. And while he’s always kept the Batman Family in line under his benevolent hegemony, I can’t see him wanting to wrangle strangers into working for him, especially when, as a Loner of the Night, he could just as easily walk away. Unless he’s just pissing up a rope to not lose face in front of the other males of the JL which is also not his style. He knows he’s better.

Aquaman is King of Atlantis and wants to be King of Total Strangers Whom He Just Met and also wears flashy jewelry. And still is just some guy who talks to fish. The trident is nice, though. Phallic. Like his glans-shaped belt buckle.

Green Lantern is still playing “What are Your Powers?” though we find out in an unguarded moment -of truth, misogyny, and paranoia- that his bravado is as blustery as March in Chicago. And, for me, GL is the new JL writ small. Geoff Johns has given us Ryan Reynolds’ version of GL, but without the self-confidence and understanding of what a hero is that Reynolds managed to tweak out of his character by the end of the movie. I’ve never found (classic) Hal Jordan’s GL to be all that interesting (outside of Darwyn Cooke’s The New Frontier) because he’s always been so noble and good. And boring. My knowledge is sketchy after that. I know he was Parallax for a while and then dead and then back again for Blackest Night. And as much as I liked BN, Hal’s story didn’t intrigue me as much as, for example, Mogo’s did. Needless to say, the prospect of a GL movie didn’t tantalize me at all. When I finally did see it (it was the nephew’s idea), I was surprised that the most important element of Hal’s being chosen as a Green Lantern -his innate courage- was dismissed in favor of him being a man-child womanizer. But then he evolved. And while it wasn’t perfect, I went along with it and found some enjoyment in that iteration.

And perhaps this evolution will come to the JL membership in future issues. This is, after all, a glimpse into the past when there was no JL and anti-hero sentiment was at an all-time high (which really makes one wonder what motivates Batman and Superman to don costumes and fight crime). Perhaps there will be time for character development later. Perhaps I’ll revisit around issue 12 when, no doubt, someone else will be writing this series.

Good help is so hard to find.

Grade: D

Justice League Dark #4

I really can’t believe Madame Xanadu was cancelled and an alternate John Constantine was created to get this title out on the market. Matt Wagner’s MX was an excellent tour-of-the-ages that connected the dots between a hero from a lost kingdom to the early Golden Age of superheroes, charming, creative and had an all too brief life. And while I’m not a die-hard Hellblazer reader, I know who Constantine is and the dew stories I’ve read were all top-notch. I just don’t see him as being part of a team for a long period of time, but that’s just me. But Justice League Dark… What perplexes me is that the title has all the elements I love in fiction writing – good characters (though I know very little about Shade, the Changing Man), magic (magic is always wonderful), underdogs trying to beat impossible odds (like The Mighty Ducks), groovy, psychedelic art with a rotoscope realism, a dense story that requires some thought to put it all together, but it all totals out to bad hash. I wish I knew why.

Grade: C+

Wonder Woman #4

I disagree with Azzarello and Chiang’s announcement that their run on Wonder Woman will be a horror story. There are no elements of horror that I recognize in the story beyond (stretching here) encounters with the supernatural, but I would call this “mythology” and not “horror”. Maybe I’m wrong. Feel free to say so. Which is not to say that I’m not enjoying the series because I am. It’s just not horror.

What I do read in the title is a pagan Wonder Woman. And there could be a fearful element in that. There is something terrifying about ancient religions (to be fair, there’s something terrifying about modern religions) and how far removed they are from the clean (read “sanitized”) places of worship people flock to these days. The last time I attended Mass, there was no awe in the pews. No reverence for Transubstantiation. No resigned dismay to ingesting the Body and Blood. No fear that God was present and maybe a little miffed about the horrible things done in Its name. Really, Church is for pussies, or at least people who would prefer to not think of the Infinite as something that would make them void their bowels when confronted by it. Pagans knew how to worship, and that was through fear-inspired servitude. Like the Amazons do. Azzarello and Chiang have stripped the marble and ruffle-y robes and Escher-esque architecture away from the Greek Gods and made them dirty, blood-covered brutes, which is horror of a sort, I suppose. It works. The Gods are to be feared. Ask Hippolyta. Oh, wait. You can’t.

While Diana is now a demi-goddess by heritage (and I have my own misgivings about what this does for Diana’s uniqueness since Zeus was the Johnny Appleseed of his day -except that instead of appleseeds he spread it was his godly sperm and instead of fertile land it was any woman within squirting distance), she doesn’t have a familial connection to the Gods, though she is obviously friends with Hermes. She could have been friends with Strife as well -Lord knows Strife was trying to get in Diana’s Good Books even after causing the deaths of who knows how many Amazons- but only ended up making another enemy. However, spending time with her new family brings Diana to the conclusion some people never learn: family is the people you go home to. Which brings us to the most frightful page of the issue.

Finally, while Chiang’s art is growing on me, his rendition of women in armor is still a visual stile. Diana in street clothes is lithe and powerful-looking almost like a dancer; Diana in costume is blocky and has Dot Marie Jones shoulders. She almost looks like Futura from “Metropolis”.

Even has the same fussy lines. Ah, well. A minor concern.

Grade: B+

Avengers: The Children’s Crusade #8

Yeah, yeah. Late again.

Yeah, yeah. Great writing.

Yeah, yeah. Fantastic art.

Now that all that is out of the way, let’s talk about absolution. A terribly Catholic notion, absolution is granted when a person is truly sorry for his or her sins and asks the Divine to wipe the slate clean and return one to a state of grace. It’s a step above the passive-aggressive bumper sticker theology of “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven,” because one has to be sorry for being an asshole and not just assume that belief in Jesus’ warm, loving forgiveness is enough.

Part of The Children’s Crusade is about the Scarlet Witch’s search for absolution, as an Avenger, as a mother, as a person. But not everyone is willing to give her that so easily; the X-Men and the Avengers are on the scene to … do … something (even Scott Summers isn’t sure (or is unwilling to explain himself) how Wanda should be punished for purging mutantkind from the human race), but they are all in agreement that punishment is required.

And then Wiccan -who has the greatest sense of family and love than any other character in the Marvel Universe outside of Jean Grey- rises to his mother’s defense (as she will not defend herself) and points out that The X-Men now keep company with Magneto and Emma Frost -murderers themselves- and that The Avengers themselves have ex-criminals in their ranks. It’s a beautiful scene because all the elements are there – the guilty whose conscience demands she atone for her sins, her accusers who are blind to their hypocrisy, and her defender who sees the world as a place where fairness and justice are attainable.

And then God -a Life Force imbued Victor von Doom- arrives to make everything OK.

Not really.

What he does, in fact, is destroy the Scarlet Witch’s need for absolution by saying that it was he who excised the X-factor from the human genome, not Wanda. And right out the window with the baby went the entire passion play that has been building from issue one. The Scarlet Witch is no longer a tragic figure who knows that her hamartia is due her, but merely a weak woman, used (in ways yet to be explained) by Doom (for reason yet to be explained). And the choice grates. Wanda was poised to be a great hero, and is now instead just as damaged and thoughtlessly reactionary as she was back in House of M.

And to distract readers from this terrible revelation, there are two almost-deaths.

Not my favorite chapter in this otherwise great (though needlessly protracted) mini-series.

Grade: C

Invincible #86

“[Humans]‘re assholes.” AAAH, Mr. Kirkman! What a talent for understatement you have! Let me correct that for you: “Everyone is an asshole.” Some people are just better at rationalizing it. (I’m looking at you, Allen and Roger.)

Grade: B

While I may be a comic book nerd, my brother Scott is in no way one. Sure, he listens to my rants about terrible storylines and my praises for excellent, novel writing and art, but shown a picture of Catman he would probably laugh wonder why someone hasn’t been sued for the obvious Batman knock-off. OK, OK, that’s not a great metric because I laughed the first time I saw Catman, thinking he was some kind of out-of-US-copyright-jurisdiction Mexican (maybe Taiwanese) money maker for a drug cartel to finance new stealth motorboats. But you know what I mean: he’s DCnU’s target audience for their relaunch. What then did he think of their flagship title, Justice League #1?

* * * * *

The theme of this article is “point of reference.” From what I am told, I’m not necessarily meant to have one and do not necessarily need one in order to appreciate DC’s new re-lauch–or reboot or whatever you want to call it–of their DC universe. This is a lie. Or a misconception. Or both.

It would not be fair to say that I grew up with comic books, but I do know my share of the comics universe. Like many of my childhood peers, I watched the “Batman” television show and saw Christopher Reeve fly in the first Superman movie. Like a good number of my male childhood peers, I experienced my first surge of hormone carbonation somewhere between the costumes Batgirl and Wonder Woman were curvily poured into every week. (Seeing Batgirl’s motorcycle cross the Batman title sequence was enough to instantly snap my attention to right quick.) However, I do not know or even care about the intricacies of the multiple universes occupied by the post-modern clusters of anti-heroes, doubles, duplicates and dopplegangers that have driven the comics world for the past several years. So, I am a cultural comic geek. I am told that people like me are the target demographic for the new DC. That’s what I’m told. What I got from reading Justice League #1 was not quite what I was expecting and, perhaps, not quite what DC intended.

It has always seemed to me that among the best comic books are those which tell a dynamic story that doesn’t get lost between panels. That is, comics are not films where many squares of information happen by really quickly and make scenes and people seamlessly move to create a story. Comic panels are static; what happens between panels–call them ghost panels, if you will–ought to be readily intuited by the reader bsed on the preceeding and following panels. JL #1 falls quite short of the mark, here. In the first panel, the reader in thrown into a storyline in media res where a rifle-weilding SWAT member tells his superiors that he has Batman in his sights. Behind the sniper are other SWAT members holds a bathed in red light. There is tension. A disembodied typist–the font and balloon style look like an all-caps text message circa 2004–tells us in the caption “There was a time when the world didn’t call them it’s greatest superheroes.” The next panel–the very second panel in the comic book–tells us that we are five years in the past. Already, the comic has timed itself and told the reader that everything he or she is reading will work out and that heroes will be heroes, even superheroes. The intelligent reader might be asking “Well, why were–or is it ‘are’?–the heroes hunted? And how did they get to be heroes to begin with? And if the world didn’t want them, how and why did they stay heroes?”

All of these go unanswered. The reader is thrust into the middle of a simultaneous firefight and chase scene worthy of the best of Michael Bey’s filmmaking. (“Wait, how did we get here? And where did that important bit from a couple of minutes ago wander off to?”)

The rooftop chase scene proceeds apace. Batman is chasing some kind of robotic, dog-like creature. Do we know why? No. Are we meant to know? To tell you the thruth, I’m not sure. This creature will later plant a bomb and detonate it in the name of “Darkseid,” whom neither of this book’s heroes will be able to identify, either.

[Sean's aside - When I read Green Lantern's suggestion that he and Batman go to Metropolois to ask Superman if he's connected to this "Darkseid" person because he's an alien, the implication being all aliens obviously know each other and are in cahoots to bring down this great nation of ours. Like Asians. Or Bank of America. Green Lantern's xenophobia is showing, which makes me wonder why he was chosen to be a Universal cop if he is so distrustful of alien races. I also found it hard to believe that the Guardian database -compiled by near-immortal beings who live on a planet located in the center of the Universe, and who have divided said Universe up into patrolable sectors routinely guarded by corps of ever-on-the-go Green Lanterns- somehow lacks information on Darkseid.]

So, it is held that a point of reference is not necessary for a reader to enjoy these comic books. However, this comic is nevertheless clearly desinged with the diehard fan in mind. It’s as if DC wants its new readers to shake loose of something they themselves are unable–or unwilling–to do. The most telling examples of this 50/50 thinking on DC’s part are the adverts in the comic and the jokes in the story. Not three pages into the comic, the reader is shown an ad for Converse hightops emblazoned with a classically-posed Batman. (He’s swooping down, a shadow from above ready to kick wholesale ass. Beware evildoers!) Above the sneaker are clips of Batman in the same dynamic pose taken from comics throughout the years with the attendant, different iterations of the famous costume. The tagline? “Classic heroes. Classic shoes.” Appealing to the longevity of the character and the geeky fascination with the changes that the costume has undergone through time harldy seems like the tack to take with teh n00bs, does it? Rather, it is a clear pandering to those who know: DC’s old, established audience.

After Green Lantern and Batman meet for the first time–and I can’t imagine a less dramatic scene than these two sizing each other up and forcing exposition out like the last bit of toothpaste in the tube–Green Lantern angrily realizes that Batman is “just some guy in a bat costume” and asks him “Are you freaking kidding me?!” The scene was stolen almost line for line from two animated College Humor videos that made their way around the interwebz in 2008, the tagline for one of which was “Batman faces his toughest adversary yet: Real super powers.”

And lest DC forget the moviegoers, Green Lantern asks Batman whether he intends to simply talk to bad guys in a deep voice upon encountering them, a clear nod to one of the most prevalent criticisms of Christian Bale’s gravel-voiced portrayal of Batman in The Dark Knight in 2009.

The rest of the ads showcase the new DC universe but are bookended by the Got Milk? ad on the back of the comic book featuring Ryan Reynolds’ Green Lantern from this past summer’s theatrical release. Again, if DC intended its audience to be comic neophytes, they are being rather odd about making them feel welcome.

Scott can be reached via his website, Daedalusrose.

THREE #2
Edited by Robert Kirby
Contributions by Jennifer Camper, Michael Fahy, Sina Evil, Jon Macy, Craig Bostick, and David Kelly

Two is the number of Others in the world. With One, there is just the Self and the Self doesn’t have to care about Others because there are no Others. But when comes the awareness that Self is not alone in the world, there has to be a balance between what Self needs and wants, and what Others need and want. While One may want to decide who lives and who dies, that is not given to the world of Two. Two tells us there must be balance between Self and Others. Of course, that’s complicated. So are the stories in Robert Kirby’s THREE #2.

In Dragon, Sina Evil presents an almost confessional story about a one-night stand between a comic creator and a fan. The narrator’s words are so serious and so true they are almost embarrassing to be read, like coming across two guys blowing each other at the P Street Zoo some Saturday night. But the tension is exquisite. How many enter into a new dating relationship putting one’s best foot forward (that is what our parents told us to do, right?) and in doing so maybe leave out a few unsavory or controversial opinions or experiences just to get along for the moment with the chance of it going farther? Totally co-dependent, I know, but, let’s be honest here. Sina show us a few hours where the narrator’s self is subverted by his want: the comic artist. He lies and glosses over troubling (if not outright dangerous) moments in order to get what he wants (naked, if you were wondering). There is a sadness in this story –emphasized by Macy’s shadowy art– that comes from the longing for something that one cannot have forever, but only for a moment before life or other obligations move one along.

Jennifer Camper and Michael Fahy take to the high-wire for their comic jam balancing act, Help Wanted. It seems a simple enough falling-in-love story –Leo is attracted to his subordinate Raoul, and when they have the chance to go home together, they do– but Camper and Fahy nimbly show that being aware of another is not the same as knowing them; however, in knowing another person there is the potential for unexpected joy.

Finally, in contrast to Camper and Fahy’s upbeat tale of coalescing lives, David Kelly and Craig Bostwick explore the loneliness of Two in Nothin’ but Trouble. They say that bartenders and strippers are the last people anyone should fall in love with, but Jimmy, an on-the-road country and western singer, ignores this truism and picks up hustler Butch for an evening of companionship which ends in Jimmy being smitten and Butch wanting to get paid. Jimmy’s infatuation leads to a lesson that many queers have unfortunately learned: “Maybe love isn’t in the cards for a guy like me anyway.” Still, it is not entirely without hope and, oddly, given the subject matter, cuteness.

THREE #2 chases down facets of the infinite possible relationships between the Self and Others and, capturing them, puts them on display like rough-and-tumble butterflies, the kind you might find in the Museum of Cutthroat Lepidoptera. Well done! Buy yours here.

Let’s the basics out of the way first: Jon Macy’s art in “Fearful Hunter” is superlative. His “Teleny & Camille” was great, but he has (as he should) gotten stronger, more Macyesque imagery on the page. Boffo. And basic number two: the erotic charge of the story is part of the story and not the only story or, worse, filler to bring the book to an even number of pages. I read comics for the stories; I read nifty.org to get off. Macy has kindly brought two of my hobbies together. Again, well done.

But here’s what I really love: Macy has created intriguing characters in the couple of Oisin and Byron, two men who in the real world I would probably start a betting pool over how long and in what way their relationship would implode. Yes, I know this makes me a horrible person. Still, I found myself pulling for these two to come and stay together.

Oisin is a druid apprentice, taught by the older Tavius, who is full of plots and snares like Old Nick himself. Oisin wants to be a druid, but is distracted by what he is told he cannot have: a life involving other people. Magic requires that he be dedicated only to his work of safeguarding the Natural World. Still, he is fascinated by the wolfboy Byron, and is in earnest to heal Byron’s “sad heart”. Because that always ends well.

Byron, the wolf-boy, is magickal, hot, and as sensitive as a ficus. If I knew someone like this, I would definitely call him on a lonely Friday night after a contempt-filled watching of “Smallville”, but then shuffle him out the door after the deed was done and before I could hear how painful and difficult his week had been (which, yes, I know makes me a horrible person). Byron’s sensitivity, however, isn’t from the oh-so-common “my man done me wrong” syndrome that I’m certain anyone reading this article can relate to. Since he mates for life, there’s never been an emotionally stunted, abusive ex that swims in his subconscious, telling him that he’s worthless. He is simply fearful. And emo. So. So. SO emo. Which makes me wonder what it is that Oisin sees in him, or, more importantly, what Macy sees in him (he is, after all, the eponymous character). Of course, not every love story (and this is a love story) has to be peopled with noble characters of deep-set virtue who are not only self-aware and pithy at an early age, but who have a love like no man or woman has ever know handed to them for no better reason than Destiny has declared they be the Luke and Laura of their age. Flaws like Byron’s (and Oisin’s for that matter) make their story far more worthy a read, mostly because there is no guarantee here that love will conquer all, despite what Shea, the werefox, promises.

What I enjoyed most about “Fearful Hunter” is the world Macy created to house his people and their stories. Like Charles de Lint’s urban fantasies, our and the sidhe world aren’t countless dimensions apart, but literally right next door to each other. Neighbors, classmates, acquaintances could be fey and one would never know. Tavius and Oisin’s keep is a cavish affair, deep in the forest and underground, where they practice magic that should light them up like a Fukushima crab to even non-magical folk. Yet they are practically unknown to the nearby townies. There is a sidhe bar that is in plain sight of every slack-jeaned punk within a hundred miles (have I mentioned the care with which Macy draws men’s asses?) hangs out in with the Cousins that is just part of the fabric of this world. No walls or wardrobes separate Humans from the Others. In fact, it seems that only one’s unwillingness to see what is right there in plain sight is what keeps these peoples apart.

Jon Macy’s “Fearful Hunter” series comes highly recommended.

Avengers: The Children’s Crusade #3

I want to be mad at Allan Heinberg for the bi-monthly publication schedule of The Children’s Crusade, but I’m afraid that his control of dialogue and character development have pushed me to his total… well, near-total forgiveness; eighteen months is still a long time to be strung along by a single story. And that is the last time I will complain about this particular topic, though I reserve the right to revisit it if the final payoff isn’t commensurate with the investment of my patience.

Let’s start with the reason why I really love The Young Avengers: Billy and Teddy. Of all the gay superheroes out there, these two have got to be my favorites. Part of it is because they’re young and still pretty innocent about their love for each other, and I need that level of cute in my life, being the jaded old man that I am. It’s kind of like how when I listen to Bare and I think it’s alright that Jason killed himself at the end rather than go to college and end up betraying Peter even worse than he already had by breaking up with him then impregnating the school slut. For some reason, I see Peter walking into their dorm room at Notre Dame one afternoon unexpectedly only to find Jason with a pillow under his butt taking it hard from the linebacker, high as a kite, and when he sees the hurt on Peter’s face, Jason looks at him with half-closed eyes and says, “Heeeeeeeey, Peter. Wanna join ussss?” And then there are the months of Peter having to see Jason in the cafeteria every day, pretending that what happened (again) doesn’t hurt, but inside he’s nursing an ulcer the size of Rhode Island.

So…. yeah, take note Marvel: keep these two together; I’d like to not see Billy get hurt. That’s right, Hulkling. I got yer number.

Still not liking Wolverine. I’m not sure I’ve liked him since he got his own spin-off title back in, what, 1987? But in the last year or so, I’ve grown completely unable to stand him. I know he’s “doing what needs to be done” to protect the mutant race, but I’ve always thought of Wolverine as a character with a firm grasp on what it meant to be a man of Honor, and not just a wetworks soldier. His picking a fight with the Primary Avengers is just one more moment added to the pile of objections I have to him of late. Well, at least Heinberg is standing firmly behind the party line.

In the end, this story is about families: the ones people are born into, the ones people create, and the ones people find. Billy and Teddy have found each other in the larger Young Avengers family (they’re even sharing a bed now!), and they have found a highly suspect connection to Magneto and Quicksilver through their absent mother, The Scarlet Witch. Wolverine is quickly running out of friends (Storm even broke off her familial bond with him a few months ago over a “last drink”), mostly because he doesn’t trust anyone around him. Teddy rightly calls the Maximoff family “toxic”, and Billy tries to be a hero for his mom (despite the song telling him to not do that). Heinberg is a master of creating scenes that define characters by making them react to each other in ways I would expect my friends and family to react to similar situations. I mean, as similar as they can get to this reality. This is a very human story, and while the action may seem MIA, I’m enjoying the moments that are defining these characters and their relationships.

Grade: A-

New X-Men #114
New Mutants #14

The Once and Future Master Mold. No wonder New X-Men #114 was re-issued this week.

“Second Coming” continues with Part 11 this week. It’s still mass destruction on all sides (though I seem to care less about which characters are dying than I did way back in “Mutant Massacre”), and all the B-list mutants (like Colossus) are taking the heavy knocks. Of all my impressions of this book, the strongest one I come away with is that I don’t like Doug very much. Actually, I don’t like any of the Muties very much. They’re all grouchy and smarmy and way too cocky for their own good. At least when they were teens, there was a reason for their cockiness (i.e., they were teenagers who thought they knew better than everyone around them); now it just reads as snark. And transparent snark at that. And what happens after “Second Coming” ends? What is the next genocidal plan Marvel will put into motion? I know that The X-Men will join “The Heroic Age” next month, but I probably won’t be along for the ride. “Mutant Massacre” was back in 1986, and it’s been one long assassination attempt since then. And “The Heroic Age” pits the X-Men against Dracula. Wow. Didn’t that happen back in 1983? Well, it will free up a few bucks every month to start my Bird of Prey, volume one collection. Speaking of which…

DC Legacies #2
Birds of Prey #2
Brightest Day #4

Apparently, “Brightest Day” is not going to be the solution to the endless deaths and editorial-driven disasters that I have assumed it to be. In an interview for the DCU Blog, Alex Segura has Geoff Johns as saying

“Brightest Day” is about second chances. I think it’s been obvious from day one that there are major plans for the heroes and villains from Aquaman to take center stage in the DC Universe, among many others, post-”Blackest Night”. “Brightest Day” is not a banner or a vague catch-all direction for the DC Universe, it is a story. Nor is “Brightest Day”a sign that the DC Universe is going to be all about ‘light and brighty’ superheroes. Some second chances work out…some don’t.

Yet, for being “just a story”, it’s leaking all across the DCU, even into the restart of Birds of Prey (granted Hawk and Dove are now part of the team), so it seems to be more of a paradigm than a story. After reading my DC titles this week, I’ve come to the conclusion that this could be a great opportunity to shake things up in DCU. Yeah, yeah, “again”, but everyone loves a crisis,right? Looking at DC Legacies, the heroes of the Silver Age disappeared rather than reveal who they were to the government and thereby lose their effectiveness to fight crime. But look at this week’s Birds of Prey: Oracle’s Braves know who the Penguin is, know his real name and know that he’s a bad guy. I’ve never really thought about it before, but, really, everyone in the DCU knows who the villains are. They don’t have secret identities per se, though they do have criminal personae and $$$ and guns and guards and compounds and Machines of Doom. Yet for some reason, they persist like untreated athlete’s foot even after year of head-butting with any number of heroes. But how much more fragile is a hero’s secret identity. The whole plot of BoP is the ruination that would follow revealing a hero’s alter ego. Witness what happened to Black Canary, and she’s apparently just the first. Does this make her more vulnerable (as we’ve always thought), or does this free her to be more of a hero? If “Brightest Day” is about second chances and not about being “light and brighty”, then maybe the way the heroes can get the upper-hand and not make porridge out of this second chance would be to adopt the villains’ “lifestyle” – live openly and without apology.

At least, that’s how I’m making sense of “Brightest Day”: that there really is a plan to drastically cut back on the snuff porn and get back to good stories. Of course, I thought that keeping New Krypton around for more than a minute was a good idea, too. Oh oh oh! and leaving Paradise Island intact.

Acts of Violence

I often say that Noir is dead though my saying so doesn’t stop people from trying to put the corpse on stage and make it dance. Noir was a time and a place that doesn’t exist anymore, and woe betide anyone who thinks its resurrection is imminent. This being said, it’s so much better just to write a 1920′s gangster story or a rural justice anecdote in one’s own voice the way that Martin Scorsese did in Gangs of New York or The Departed… well, maybe The Departed is a bad example of “better”. The team behind Acts of Violence took the better path, and in doing so put out a collection of four outstanding stories. I’m not one for gratuitous, over-the-top violence, but I am one for good stories, and the four tales here – “The Three Princes”, “Six O’clock Noose”, “Reggie-Town” and “The Orchard” – are excellent reads. I was especially intrigued by “Reggie-Town” with its deluded protagonist and the unexplained fate of the baby he kidnapped. Without histrionics nor finger-wagging, these stories stare at a black spot in the human psyche then take a picture.
Grade: A+

Batman/Superman Annual #4

Lex Luthor is one of those characters who can be admired for his ability for do impossibly heinous acts in the name of some twisted moral code and yet slip away form punishment like Louisiana shrimp from the hands of a shrimper… too soon? For this same reason he is also a source of frustration for me. Yeah, he’s Superman’s greatest enemy, but I’m rather tired of him (especially in the movies), so it’s nice to see that he will eventually (at some far-flung future time which should reach the newsstands in about 3130) get what’s coming to him. And while I at first thought he was a commercial ploy, I’ve grown to like Batman Beyond, and wouldn’t mind seeing him in an on-going series of his own, especially if Renato Guedes continues to draw him (his transitions are somewhat awkward, but his coloring and linework are peerless).
Grade: A-

Brightest Day #3

Wow. This is a total downer. And not all that bright at all. Seriously, Blackest Night had more hope than this. The story is intriguing and well-paced, but it’s not living up to its title. Yet. I’m standing by my man and saying that things will get better as the series goes on.
Grade: B

Wonder Woman #44

As cool as it might be to dream of being an Amazon, after this issue I am convinced it’s just a protracted death sentence being related to Diana. Last issue, Astarte revealed that she was Diana’s long-gone aunt, taken by The Citizenry and become mother of their greatest monster, Theana, Diana’s never-known cousin. By the end, Theana, by all rights an interesting and powerful character, is dead, and Astarte is Paradise Island-bound to be re-educated (which is the same fate Diana has planner for her, but with an upstanding moral twist to it, I’m sure). Another branch of the Amazon family tree is pruned for no really good reason other than to make Diana fightin’ mad and win the day. Yeah, it’s a long drink of hemlock being Diana’s kin.

But why? Why did Gail Simone end her excellent run on Wonder Woman with a rather macabre tale of mayhem and familicide, and then blunt the point of the tale with a happy ending that makes that of the first “Harry Potter” film seem maudlin? I’ll give her props for handing off the book to JMS in a package cleaner than that handed to her by Picoult, but there’s a difference between having a mess to clean up, and being handed a story that’s been cauterized. Which is not to say that this was a bad story; I’m just uncertain what its meaning is for future Diana stories. Usually, an author will take a moment to show what lurks around the corner or for terrible realization to dawn on a hero’s face, but here, Diana’s ignorance of what she’s just done is more worrisome than anything. I’m not saying there’s any deliberate malice on Diana’s part, but there were some troubling juxtapositions between her and Astarte’s behavior. And maybe Diana was supposed to come off looking better, more moral, than Astatre, but I’m not convinced she did. Here’s what I saw:

* Diana used the lasso to compel Zusen to betray her people. It was said in the previous issue that the members of The Citizenry were taken from various cultures and trained to forget their past lives. Having Diana subvert someone’s free will to do her bidding looked bad.
* The Reformation Island reference was a bit too close to the re-education proposed by Astatre.
* Diana took over a violent culture that has centuries of severe administration issues then let it go without supervision.
* She omitted telling her mother about her stolen sister. Yeah, Diana said she would te

ll her later, but it’s such a Catholic thing to do, putting off bad news until someone is happy enough to receive it without falling apart. It’s pretty co-dependent.
* She let Gail Simone kill her cousin (ok, that’s probably just Gail’s evil showing through ).

i dunno. could there be an evil Diana in the future, regardless of the “Brightest Day” mandate?
Grade: B

Madame Xanadu #23

“Broken House of Cards” finally ends, and while the end is just as subversive as most of Matt Wagner’s other endings (where instead of a full-pitched battle for world supremacy, protagonist and antagonist sort of slip away from each other to wage war another day; really, Wagner is the Anti-Millar), I found it to be a satisfying one. Of course, anyone who’s read Jack Kirby’s The Demon knows that Morgana comes back around 1973, but however frustrating that might be for Madame X, it’s also another story for another time.

Two things I would like to see happen with this book: one, that we linger in the early days of the DC Legends for another story or two. With DC entering the “Brightest Day” (which is still pretty dark, all things considered) and looking back on the early days of the DCU and its heroes, seeing Madame X move alongside more of them would be years worth of fascinating reading, especially under Wagner. Two, Madame X needs to grow in power. What kept her from being more powerful than Morgana who has basically been catatonic for centuries? Is it her moral restraint, as though the power to appropriately defend her ideals would end up eroding them, or is it some kind of… let’s call it “naivete” instead of “character flaw”. It’s fitting to be reviewing Wonder Woman this week while bringing up this issue. Diana has grown up in her comic from a wide-eyed princess to a warrior-philosopher. However, she’s done this in (relatively) little time. Madame X needs more depth without her having to go to the Dark Side and back again (“depth” does not have to mean “be laid waste to”), and I think then that we’ll see her grow in power and in character.

Grade: B+

Birds of Prey #1

Collectors are by nature an obsessive people. Nothing is so upsetting to us as missing pieces of a set. While I had been aware of Birds of Prey, I was so turned off by the TV show of the same name that the comic book didn’t seem like a “must get”. Then Gail Simone took over the writing duties for Wonder Woman, and I immediately loved her take on the Amazon Princess. I still had zero interest in BoP, but when I heard that it was starting over with Gail at the helm (sadly no longer on WW), I had to pick it up. I mean, I needed my monthly Gail fix. All I can say is, “Well. Crap. It looks like I need to get the full run of the original BoP series.” Damn you, Gail Simone, for loving your characters and making them so fun and appealing to read!
Grade: A

New Mutants #13

There not being even one mutie on the cover gave me pause. I know that with the “Second Coming” storyline taking over all things X, I shouldn’t have been surprised that Sam’s team took a backseat to Hope and Cable’s return (though Moonstar beating up the Messiah was an awesome tribute to the on-going struggle between polytheism and monotheism). I like and dislike that Marvel would declare martial law on the X books and commandeer their regular storylines. I like it because it means there are no core event books to buy with my regular reads being tie-ins. Instead, there’s a chapter book-like continuity to “Second Coming”. I dislike it because everyone is all jumbled up and I’m missing important information that core event books would probably provide.

Zeb Wells continues to grow as a writer and continues to grow on me. He hasn’t hit any remarkable strides yet, but I’m aboard. For now.
Grade: C+

Seige #4

Marvel is the Naproxen of event comics. Yeah yeah, they get the job done, and the result is almost indistinguishable from the real stuff, but ultimately there is something off-brand about their stories – a whiff of clone, a hint of prête à porter – that makes them seem tawdry in comparison to the Aleve of DC. Stan Lee rather cynically and shamelessly exposed the Silver Age trend of Marvel’s copying DC’s lead during a feature on the Justice League: New Frontier DVD (why he was doing an interview for a DC project is anyone’s guess), but why they still do this is beyond my imagination. Seige (along with “Necrosha” and Civil War and… some other event I have blocked out) is Marvel’s Darkest Night, though less aptly handled. Is it any surprise then that later this month they’ll be releasing their Brightest Day, The Heroic Age? (Though to be fair, I’m skipping The Return of Bruce Wayne because GMo’s Bruce-Wayne-as-Dawn-of-Time-eugenicist is already tripping me out.)

Beyond the ethics of the story, Seige ends, and ends well. Good. I’m uncertain how the combined forces of Marvel’s heroes can’t hurt The Void, but the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier can. And if the combined forces of Marvel’s heroes can’t hurt The Void, how is it Thor manages to drive The Void back and disintegrate Bob? I think it’s time to revisit the Marvel power scales flowchart. Oh! Ares gets a splatter porn death, but Loki just disappears? Not a power comment, just wondering why the bad taste couldn’t have continued all they way through to the end. In the end, there is a promise of renewal and hope which I do indeed hope Marvel follows through on. I’m kinda worn out with the body count and all.
Grade: C

Brightest Day #0

Geoff Johns needs to be cloned so he can write every current mainstream DC book, with maybe the exceptions of Wonder Woman and Batman and Robin and the upcoming return of Birds of Prey. His Blackest Night was the one event in years that was 1.) readable, and 2.) important. As one of DC’s new creative admins, he’s in the perfect position to make sure that his work isn’t changed at the whim of some editor **cough*dandidio*cough** because there’s more money to be had by putting out a new, contradictory event. With Brightest Day, Johns (with Peter Tomasi) brings continuity to his vision for the DCU by exploring the aftermath of the defeat of Nekron and the resurrection of several characters. There’s no story to report on so far, just tantalizing hints of what’s to come as seen by White Lantern Boston Brand, the hero formerly known as Deadman. Great stuff for the man I intend to father my children. Seriously, I’d grow a uterus for him. A+

Kill Shakespeare #1

I’m not a fanatical Shakespeare purist. You know, the kind who doesn’t have a sense of humor about adaptations or who can’t seen the plays done in alternative form (like “Ten Things I Hate about You” or “O” or “Forbidden Planet”). I am, however, one of those people who is going to give a salty opinion when some theatre group manages to mangle the text into something unrecognizable on stage. Which brings me to Kill Shakespeare. The stumbling blocks I had with this comic were exactly the elements that are crucial to a good comic book: the art, the language, and value of the story. Of course, the art sets the tone for the story because it’s the first apparent element when browsing a comic book title. Had Kagen McLeod, the cover artist for the edition I bought, done the entire story rather than Andy Belanger, I would have been more interested in the story. Belanger’s Mignola-like style pulls away from the story instead of supporting it. As far as the language goes, I wasn’t expecting iambic-pentameter (the only people who actually spoke in iambic-pentameter were pirates because in attempting to look educated, they were too dumb not to know that regular people didn’t speak that way), but I also wasn’t expecting contemporary language patterns. Lord knows there are enough 16th century resources and texts (or even amateur scholars) out there for people to emulate. And finally, Richard III is manipulating Hamlet into killing Shakespeare, and given the title, it seems a done deal that he’ll try to do so. Why show us your hand like that? It certainly doesn’t leave much in terms of plot twists or surprising moments. Then again, Rosencrantz here is shown to be a faithful friend to Hamlet and not Claudius’ crony, so who knows how Shakespeare himself will be characterized. Ultimately, there’s not enough here for me to consider buying issue #2. D

Uncanny X-Men #522 - No one could have been more supportive of the return of Miss Pryde than me, but the overall story to get her back home ASAP seems rushed. I don’t doubt that in the Marvel U, Magneto can reach across the vastness of space, turn a moon-sized bullet around and draw it to Earth at near the speed of light. But I’m calling shenanigans on the “he disintegrated the bullet as it entered the atmosphere thereby not destroying the world.” That’s just too much to take in in a single issue. And why the hurry to get her back, anyway? The story could have been drawn out for a few months and had a way better plot, but it seems she had to be back now. What is Marvel planning for Shadowcat?

Of course, there is a twist to Kitty’s return: she’s stuck in her phasing state. I suppose that the X-Men could ask Reed Richards to unstuck her like he did in The X-Men vs. The Fanstastic Four back in.. what, 1987? C

Nemesis #1 - I am going to hold off on doing a review of Nemesis, except to say that I got it, and it does indeed, make Kick-Ass pale in comparison. Good or bad? You decide.

The HULK! #23

I didn’t buy Crossed this week like I had planned because my LCS didn’t have back issues extending to #1. Being a completist, I would have been driven mad by half a set. HOWEVER, there was a copy of the infamous The HULK #23 in which Bruce Banner is almost shower-raped at a Y by two sour-faced gay guys. As noted in Mistakes of a Past History #2, writer Jim Shooter was apparently going for “verisimilitude” with this story, but the result is a menudo of melodrama, a veritable potpourri of painful plights so grotesquely portrayed that I can’t believe it got green lit in the first place. Of course, I was interested in buying the issue because of the gay angle (it being of personal interest), but trust me, gay people were not the only one’s maligned by Jim Shooter. Junkies in particular should be taking some umbrage with him, to say nothing of baby mommas. “Verisimilitude” to Jim Shooter apparently means, “everyone dies unmourned: the good, the bad, the innocent” or something equally as nihilistic… well, in a Sartre-for-Dummies-I-read-about-this-once-while-waiting-on-line-at-the-grocery-store kind of way. Shooter didn’t have the chops to write this effectively, and that’s the real crime.

No reviews this week, but I found something truly wonderful at Austin Books and Comics: Dynamite #4 with the dreamy Shaun Cassidy and Parker Stevenson on the cover! Squeeeeeal! On a less gay note, Dynamite was one of those magazine’s for kids that we got through Scholastic Book Services in school. It was a step above Highlights for Children in terms of content and reading level, but less erudite than CBS’s “In the News”. The cool thing about this find is that it still has the subscription form and club patch inside. And, yeah, the Hardy Boys.

Green Lantern #51

There’s a reason that Geoff Johns was just promoted to the post of DC’ Chief Creative Officer, and it’s in this issue. I don’t normally read any of the GL titles, but Johns’ “Blackest night” has me buying all his supplementary stories. The guy is carrying on a serious love affair with all things DC, and his affection is contagious. Under his direction, I can see the DCU becoming a much more interesting place.
Grade: A

Uncanny X-Men #521

If it weren’t for the last page of this issue, I would consider dropping the title altogether. The X-Men just created a nation for themselves, and instead of getting into the meat and potatoes of setting up a government, mutant political factions, “savior complexes”, and host of other issues that are pretty relevant to current topics, Matt Faction serves up a very tepid Legacy Flu. It’s sort of like having Hamburger Helper every Friday night: it’s safe and traditional, but no one is every going to moan in delight with each meaty, saucy spoonful.
Grade: C-

Siege #2

I haven’t been an “event” person in years (even though I have every issue of the much-maligned “Final Crisis”) mostly because I find them to be more con than content. While hyped to be huge and meaningful, events aren’t usually that impacting, and, worse, they’re horribly written and poorly plotted.

Having said that, I loved Siege #2!

While the content is on the light side (the majority of the issue focuses on Ares and his ill-fated battle with Sentry), the more mundane scenes – particularly between Nick Fury and Alex, the Avengers in the S.H.I.E.L.D. transport, and the last page of the issue – are well-written and give more weight to the story than “superpower-on-superpower action” and “the Saint Crispin’s Day speech”. But, I’m a moments guy.

Coipel, Morales and Martin are a cyclonic artistic force. While Bendis’ words may have been handled well enough by another team, this one breathes life into each panel with its dynamic compositions and expressive faces. Even the capes are expressive and full of movement. The best example of this is page three – Ares’ realization that he’s been manipulated into attacking Asgard juxtaposed with the battle below is brilliant. Without words, without mummery, the reader knows exactly what is going on under the god’s helmet. Great stuff! However, the rending of Ares on a later page, while arranged beautifully, is odd in that his intestines seem to have been previously resting on his back, protecting his spine. Gory, yes, but inaccurate overkill at best.

My one complaint is the half-truth of the “death of an Avenger” solicit. It was sophomoric hype at best. You can do better, Marvel.
Grade: A-

Kick Ass #8

The final issue of Kick Ass is just about what everyone expected it to be: loud, hyper-violent, and calculated to offend as many people as possible with… well, pick your issue. It’s bound to be there. and I say “calculated” in the most cynical way possible. Even going back to the solicit, which asks “Who will be morally outraged?” (when there’s not a single character in the book that knows what morality looks like let alone if outrage is an option), it’s obvious this finale was designed to provoke a reaction from the audience. Mark Millar went where “Heroes” couldn’t/wouldn’t/was unable to go with the “superheroes in real life” theme, and how messed up it really would be. Overall, however, Kick Ass is like watching porn: lots of button-mashing and screaming and penetrations climaxing with everyone screaming as the money shot splooshes out, covering everything. It is a comic fanboy’s wet-dream brought to the page. I have to applaud Millar for doing what no one has really done before: delving into angsty-teen-comic-fan-fic comic stories and making at living at it (then again there is the inexplicable popularity of “Twilight” and “Wicked Lovely”). If “nuance” is what you’re looking for, well, that’s why there are movies like “When in Rome” (I jest, of course. “When in Rome” is as subtle as a skinhead at a Seder.). I just help but wonder that I read this series the whole way through. Maybe because it betokens the future of comics writing.
Grade: C

Madame Xanadu #19

Madame Xanadu is one book I look forward to every month. Oddly, this month’s issue was supposed to be the conclusion of a story, but instead there was an overwrought “aside” about Nimue and Morgana’s childhood together (an extremely long childhood, at that). I know that Matt Wagner is often overwrought, but usually that can be forgiven because of the art that accompanies the story. This is one of those titles where the art means so much to the words. Amy Reed Hadley, who normally illustrates, is off this month, replaced by Joelle Jones, and the story is just kind of “OK”. Amy brings some real magic to Matt Wagner’s words, and without her, this chapter seems both unnecessary and ugly.
Grade: C+

Green Lantern Corps #44

Normally, i hate deus ex machina because it’s a cheap escape from a dramatic problem: the universe steps in and says, “No more. It’s done.” which leaves characters (and viewers) unsatisfied because it shows that we’re at the mercy of powers greater than ourselves, and free will is a slogan like “life should be fair.” That being said, I LOVED GLC’s method of disposing of the Black Lanterns: Mogo. It seems fair in some way, especially because Xanshi in its entirety came back, to say nothing of the rest of the universe’s re-animated dead. God doesn’t come down and declare that “Enough is enough. Go home.” No, no. God comes down with some righteous smiting, and it looks great ion a page. Is there a counterpoint to deux ex machina? If so, that’s what Peter Tomasi has created in this issue.
Grade: A

Uncanny X-Men #520

When sitting down to write this review, I had to pick the issue back up again because I had no recollection of what had happened. Then I saw the cover and remembered that Wolverine and Psylocke were out and about looking for someone for some reason. Then it occurred to me that I had liked Magneto because he was being misunderstood (Scott, of course, was a controlling bitch to him) and noble (poor guy couldn’t catch a break even when being helpful). In general, the issue was half-forgettable and half-sorta interesting.
Grade: C-

The Power of SHAZAM! #48

I’m sure the undead have their own particular stench, but in this case, it smells like… poo? Jeez, someone light a match for this Blackest Night stinker! First of all, this one-shot is even more proof that no one knows how to write the Marvel Family well. Except for their abbreviated stint in JSA last year, there’s really nothing marvelous about them of late. Second of all, I’m uncertain if this a “triumph of the human spirit” story or a “here’s another clue as to how Nekron will be defeated” story. If it’s the former, why is Osiris of all people able to resist the Black Rings? “Black Adam’s magic” is a throwaway explanation since lots of magical beings have not resisted un-life in the main BN title. If it’s the latter, well, it’s a clue no one in the DCU is going to have access to.

The Marvel Families have so many stories that still need to be told, and with just one issue to do one story, they (and we) were we given this. Osiris himself says that “we were all just family,” and that would have made an excellent theme for an excellent story, but, unfortunately, we got jack shit.

The folks over at CPB are taking a week off to get ourselves ready to advance from beta to… is it “alpha”? “The Omega Opening” (and doesn’t that sound tawdry?)? I have no idea. What happens after “beta”? Whatever it’s called, we’re heading there and I get to come back here to Orthocomics, do my reviews, and figure out what’s to become of the blog while CPB takes off.

Batman and Robin #3: Like a steak and potato dinner, this was satisfying. Very satisfying. Like, eating said steak and potato dinner, sleeping for a few days to wake up and discover you’ve lost 7 pounds not from a wasting disease satisfying. Leave it to GMo to come up with an airborne addiction and sound effects like “HAUUU NAUUUUU!” Frightening. A-

Batman: Widening Gyre #1: If I’m going to point Fingers of Blame ™ at anyone for this… let’s call it “a second chance gone awry”, it’ll be Mike Marts and Dan Didio for failing to do their jobs as editors. I know that Kevin Smith is pretty famous for his spaghetti-and-aspic-on-the-wall-let’s-see-what-sticks-and-gels approach to writing; I also know that mileage varies from work to work (compare Dogma to Chasing Amy). Yet for some reason, Marts and Didio seem to have not known this, or at least didn’t let it bother them in the editing process. I’ll admit that I bought this issue for the cover art (levels and levels above the interior art) and the title (“Widening Gyre”, how cool of a title is that?), so anything beyond this should be gravy, right? Sure, but lumpy, orange-flavored beef gravy? Maybe not so much. The mish-mash of multiple guest stars, incongruent backstories, and out-of-character speeches (Batman: “Sonnuva.. the kid pulled a ME.”; Etrigan: “No way…”) and nonchalant conflict resolution read more as “we need to fill pages” than “we’re telling a complex story”. D

Detective Comics #856: I still can’t put into exact words why I like this series as much as I do. The story has the hallucinogenic effect of Alice in Wonderland, a dream populated by bleary-eyed sleepers and hunters. I do know that I have to pick up the Crime Bible: Five Lessons in Blood to get a better handle on what this Religion of Crime is all about. B+

Madame Xanadu #14: There’s wisdom that says “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!” but I’ve been expecting it to turn its attention to Madame X and her lady-love Marisol for some time now. I applaud these women for being bold enough to stay in Spain while, ya know, people are being killed to the left and right around them for offenses far less serious than acting out scenes from “Hot Babes in Loose Skirts.” However, not arming themselves or being more cautious or living somewhere deeper in the woods was just utter foolishness on their parts. Seriously, when the Christianists have their way with America and I become illegal for just being, I’m going to be fortified enough to take at least a dozen with me when they show up at my door. Yeah, “and your little god too!” Having said that, I like this issue, except for Kaluta’s strange rendition of the female form on the cover. I make fun of Greg Land for his impossible breasts and ineptitude in connecting head bones to neck bones and on down the line, but Kaluta has surpassed the master with his frightening Holocaust Special Madame X. B

Wonder Woman #36: I think Diana takes on too much responsibility that isn’t hers. Yeah, yeah, she’s got the whole wide world on her shoulders and has had for some time now, but taking Pele’s accusations of being complicit in Zeus’ murder of Zane, and “set[ting her] father alone against the wrath of [her] entire pantheon” is supporting an unduly free interpretation of the events. I’m sure she’s feels guilty about Zane’s death and all, but making a pledge to Pele when she’s just crawled out from under her Amazonian vows seems like she’s not thinking clearly at all. And awwh poor Tom! How is Diana going to explain her “I never loved you” away? I’m sensing a new direction for Diana, but it seems like Gail Simone is also only sensing it. B

New Mutants #4: Ah well, that was a disappointing read. Yeah, my girl Illyana got some scary one-liners off, but all in all, I think I’ve read this story before; ya know, “Legion screws everything up before the Muties pull it together.” I’m not digging the trophic characterizations (especially, God help us, with the dialogue) when by this time the Muties should be more individuated.

Dark Avengers #8: Angt! More angst! Less fighting for the sake of fighting and more angst! Jeez, what happened to the promise of the first issue? C

It was a very sparse week for comics; I got the first issue of the new Doom Patrol series (ugh), and didn’t give Buffy the Vampire Slayer more than a glance as I thought, “I’ve been burned by you before!” Click in the report card below to see my (and others’) reviews this this week’s comics:

Fly on over to ComicsPlusBlog for this week’s comic reviews. I look at the finally final issue of Legion of Three Worlds (SPOILER: It was a satisfying ending to a great story).

For fear of cross-posting, all of my reviews will now be a part of Comics Plus Blog‘s weekly feature “The Pull Report”. Which I edit. I know: “one more thing to do every week?!” The site is still in beta, but swing by to see what I and a whole annoyance of reviewers think about this week’s comics. Click on the graphic to get there:

Uncanny X-Men #513: Oh, Scott. Did you not see this coming? I mean, did anyone not see this coming from the moment that Scott and Emma started banging psychic uglies? I’m just surprised that it took this long for Emma to take over the X-Men and reform them in her image. However, as stupid as this makes all the X-Men look (except Jean, but she’s dead), it’s GREAT drama. However, it will not be great drama if Matt Fraction does something silly like make Emma a double agent so she can be seamlessly reunited with the X-team. I want Emma back on the outs and being fabulously evil, the idiom in which she excels. Emma out; Cloak and Dagger in! A

Batman and Robin #2: So far, so good. GMo hasn’t gone looney tunes and taken Batman back to… well, R.I.P., though he’s very good at channeling his eccentricities into the undisciplined and dangerous Damien. In this issue we see what makes Dick not Batman – all those years of not wanting to be like him finally paid off, and Dick, while a great fighter, doesn’t command the respect and awe of those around him, especially Robin. Yes, this is the “kinder, gentler” Batman, and I hope Dick quickly figures out that is just not who he has to be. I think GMo is exactly the right writer to break Dick down and maybe build him back up. We know how he likes his heroes damaged. Bye, Dick. It was nice knowing ya. A

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #26: Done. D-

Unthinkable #1 and 2: After reading this and Mark Sable’s ridiculous line about “I feel my privacy is a small price to pay for educating the government about the medium.” I had to pick up Unthinkable. I don’t think I got it for the content necessarily, but to see if indeed what he wrote was worth his pussy statement of relinquishing his privacy to a government that thinks five-year olds are terrorists and nipple rings can be removed at will. I’m glad that his comics mean more to him than his privacy, but, really, fuck him. I can’t even imagine what he thought he taught them about the comics medium: that a page layout doesn’t have to convey chronological action? That characters’ speech and facial expressions don’t have to line up? That people can walk willy-nilly onto military bases and bully commanding offivcers into handing over equipment and weapons? Frankly, Sable needs to be taught more about the medium before he can teach TSA anything. D

The Tick and Arthur: The Complete Works TPB: Still fresh after all this time. Non-derivative. Quirky. Uncanny comic timing. Gentle mocking. Ninjas. This is the gold standard of indy comics. SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!! A+

Detective Comics #854: Finally Batwoman! I have to admit I was a little nervous to get this comic at first because it’s written by Greg Rucka. 52 Greg Rucka (though to be fair, he wasn’t alone in that mess. Still, once bitten, twice shy.). Rucka’s story is lyrical, almost a song or part of an opera. If the art were in anyone else’s hands besides J. H. Harrison’s, the book would totally fall apart like a cheap red wig. For now, I’m hooked. A

Wonder Woman #33: I’m running dangerously close to giving Gail Simone Rachel Ray Face, so all I’m going to say is that this was another excellent read except the end was a bit to abrupt for me. One more issue to resolve the Genocide threat (or at least make its whereabouts more clear) and to really let Zeus and Ares’ plans unfold into a HUGE (well, HUGE-er) mess! Ah, well. B

Madame Xanadu #12: Matt and Michael’s Exodus Noir reminds me of the old Sandman Mystery Theatre – sort of dark, sort of sketchy, sort of fun, but always heading towards a horrible end for the titular character. Oooh, foreshadowing. A

Thor #602: Gods are strange creatures of inertia and folly, like really big rocks rolling down a hill. Or across the bottom of a river. I’ve yet to see any compelling evidence that they think anything through before they go off half-cocked and do it (yeah, I’m looking at you, too, Genesis!). Even the “good” ones let their goodness get in the way of accomplishing anything truly “good”. For example, moving all the Asgardians to Latveria – totally poorly planned. Keeping Loki around when no one trusts him/her – well, that just defies wisdom. Weird that the one mortal in the company of the gods is the only one who wants to actively squelch evil. A

Uncanny X-Men #512: My so far least favorite aspect of the team – The X-Club – heads back to the turn of the 20th century to find the parental DNA of the original Mutant X, and as it turns out, I didn’t want to burn pictures of Matt Fraction at midnight. If I had one complaint, it would be the “Hey, things in the past are just like they are in the present!” parallelism. One would think that someone would have known about an earlier Shaw who ran the Hellfire Club 100 years ago, but such is the spurious logic of comic book and time travel. In Fraction’s defense, even Joss Whedon screwed it up in Runaways. B+

Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men Utopia: About two months ago, Ben and I went to go see X-Men Origins: Wolverine, not because we had to but because we needed a mental vacation after a particularly stressful week. We were holding hands, waiting for hte movie to begin when six guys filed into the row behind us, sat on my far left and started speaking in Spanish about “the fucking fags over there.” Myself being half-deaf didn’t hear a word of it, but Ben did, and he was extremely uncomfortable. He wanted to move. I didn’t. And, long story short, I got my way. When the movie started these guys shut up, watched the film and left moments after the credits started rolling. Reading Utopia was kind of like that experience. For no really good reason, bigots feel it’s their right (or, Heaven help us, their god-given duty) to expunge “the Other”, demonize them, make them unwelcome. There are also assdancers like Norman Osborne who feel that they deserve to rule and have no compunction against throwing up (natural) “law and order” to get their way. I find this lack of Justice unsettling, which in turn makes me angry. Then I think about those guys at the movie theatre and wonder if they realized they were cheering for “the Other” to win, and if they know that they are seen as “the Other” just as Ben and I. Probably not. More’s the pity. And to Matt Fraction: the descriptive caption boxes are past their prime. A

Barack the Barbarian #1: Terribly unsubtle, but was a fun read. Lord knows that satire doesn’t have to be an épée, but more often than not, it’s a blunt and forceful cudgel. I have my own parody of Marriage Equality coming out soon, and it’s also terribly unsubtle (i.e., doesn’t follow the rule that the best parody is transparent), but in my own mind it could have been better. Next time. B-

World of Krypton #3 and #4: Beyond the misleading covers. Beyond the non-surprise of Zod being a bastard. Beyond the attempts to make Alura sympathetic. Beyond the status quo changing event of a New Krypton. Beyond the Guardians wetting themselves in anxiety. Beyond all that, this is a Superman book. And wherever there is Superman, Superman is there. B-

Batman & Robin #1: After the whole Final Crisis extravaganza, I was more than a little unwilling to pick up a GMo book so soon, especially for a character I haven’t read since I was 11 or so. However, this seems to be the year when DC lures me into all of the Big Three books, as Batman (formerly Nightwing, formerly Robin) and Robin (formerly some bratty kid who needed a spanking way earlier in his life than he got one (there is a reason why it’s called “child-rearing”)) terrorize the poop out of Gotham City’s criminal element. And I like it. The characterizations are strong. The art.. well, let’s talk about the art. Frank Quitely’s style is immediately recognizable, even if you don’t know his name, and there are cams on the goodness and badness of this statement. It’s been said that his people are nothing more than sandbags topped by shrunken-apple heads. It’s also been said that he gives 3+ dimensions to otherwise flat pages. I’m in the camp of goodness. I haven’t been able to pinpoint what it is, but it is there. Seeing Batman and Robin leap out of a flying Batmobile, through the Bat-signal, and dazzle Commissioner Gordon as they land atop Police Headquarters was beyond “good enough” for me. A+

Ultimatum #4: I honestly cannot remember why I picked up this issue after calling the series “splatter porn” last month. I was so truly, deeply repulsed by the over-the-top imagery that I figured I was finished with it. Well, apparently not. And I truly don’t understand this purchase because I’ve never read any other Ultimates book in my life, so there’s no investment here. Maybe I’ve grown insensitive to it, or maybe I’ve become fascinated by it. Whichever the case may be, I’ll finish the series off next month. I will say this, though: in terms of multi-issue cross-over “events”, this is one in a great long while in which the core book is a perfectly clear story in and of itself. So, props on that. B

Uncanny X-Men #511: I knew I wasn’t going crazy with the rapidity of X-Men‘s publishing. This issue comes out only two weeks after the last, which is great because I was eager to see how the cliffhanger would be resolved. Is Jean coming back? Is Maddie going to get her first? Will Greg Land’s characters ever express an appropriate emotion in-panel? The answers, while satisfying, do unfortunately underline Matt Fraction’s one problem as an X-writer: the appearing and disappearing cast. And with the addition of one more character – and a well-beloved one, at that – he’d better learn to juggle better. A-

X-Men Forever #1: X-Men forever is like a long-lost reunion with a beloved ex then realizing there’s a reason you’re exes. F

New Mutants #2: I don’t like where this is going. Say “NO!” to Legion being a new team member, and “YES!” to the return of Rahne Sinclair!! A

Buck Rogers #1: Yeah, you really can’t go back home even if home has righteous art and an otherwise tight story. This may be the antidote to Sci Fi’s Flash Gordon (gag), but it still didn’t do it for me. Sorry, guys! C-

Madame Xanadu #11: Last month I said I wasn’t going to get this issue unless Michael William Kaluta’s art somehow drew me in. It did. That being said, it was a grudging attraction. Kaluta’s art is solid, but when one compares it to his work on Metropolis or even his cover to Doorway to Nightmare #1, it’s not as complex as it used to be. Crafted lines are replaced with defter lines, but something is lost, much like P. Craig Russell’s art of late, which doesn’t stand up to his Elric of Melnibone graphic novel nor his early Doctor Strange. It’s still better than most art one can find these days in comic books, but it’s not as KALUTA as I expected it to be. Matt Wagner finally stops Nimue’s century hopping (still too truncated for my liking), and immerses her in the Age of Heroes (was that you I saw running down that hall Mr. Sandman?). In this first part of “Exodus Noir”, the queer murder of a well-to-do Gothamite brings Madame X onto the case as the clues point to a supernatural murderer. Matt Wagner has me along for this arc, for sure. A

Wonder Woman #32: The war against Genocide continues and if one thought it couldn’t get worse, well, it can and it does. The brilliance of Gail Simone’s work here is in Genocide bringing the pain Diana herself has caused her friends and lovers to the surface. More than that, Simone makes it clear that this is pain that could have been avoided had Diana abandoned her principles of Peace and Understanding (though lying to Tom these several months hardly seems like an expression of either) and gone to War with Casualties against Ares or the Cheetah or Dr. Psycho before there was so much collateral damage. Here is the heart and soul of being a hero: does sparing her enemies, granting them mercy that they do not show Diana nor her friends in subsequent encounters make Diana in part responsible for this pain or do the villains take full responsibility because they rejected mercy and refused to learn “a better way”? More than that, how far is Diana empowered to go to make the world a peaceful and loving place? All the way to War Against the World? Ah, well, that’s why we have the Olympian, the Anti-Diana, in the wings. As ever, BRILLIANT STUFF! A+

Buck Rogers #0: It’s a shame to see heroes grow old and serious and have their magnificently hairy chests and feathered do’s covered with glow-y, space-y vinyl. Granted, I grew up with the hyper-campy and overly sexualized, post-disco version, so my take on Buck Rogers is probably one tainted by… well, hairy chests, feathered do’s and bad dancing, but I’ve always felt that there was some connection to the source material, even if the stories (and fashions) were modernized (and inundated by sequins). That said, my disappointment with Dynamite’s (previewed) iteration is that Buck is pulled away from family and friends to points and times unknown to a “thrilling beginning” in issue #1. WHY?? What I liked about the stories were the interactions of the characters and the strangeness of life on 25th century Earth for Buck (and those of us who followed his adventures). And while Buck’s disorientation wore off after a while (as well it should; did you see what happened to Wonder Woman when Jodi Picoult pulled that “Stranger in a Strange Land” shit?), there was always a new surprise that he and his friends had to find their way around. Without his friends, who is Buck Rogers, and will I care to find out? C

New Mutants #1: I missed this issue two weeks ago while I was busy getting ready for finals, never thinking it would be sold out all over Austin. Luckily, in Erie I was able to get the variant cover (unluckily, at a substantially higher cost) and (back to luckily) was thrilled that the story of my beloved mutants was in capable hands. Sam is just a goofy and amiable as ever, Roberto is just as cocky; however, the women suffer from a sort of “one voice” lack of characterization. I was unable to distinguish Shan from Dani from Amara. Illyana had a stilted, contractionless formality to her words, but if you, Dear Reader, can think of a positive spin on “stilted”, I’d love to hear it. Words aside, the story jumps right in and keeps paddling all the way to the end of the issue. Seeing Sam and ‘Berto stick up for Illyana against the EXiles took me back to the original team’s bonds and adventures. Great start to the series! B+

Dark Reign: Young Avengers #1: This issue requires a full-on essay to properly spelunk the depths of its awfulness. Coming soon to a CPB.com near you! F

Uncanny X-Men #510: I swear UX-M is coming out faster and faster these days. It cannot have been a month since I got #509, yet here’s #510 in my hands. It can’t be an illusion because Greg Land’s boobtastic tracings are all over cover and I can guarantee you I don’t dream of four-color breaticles. I have to hand it to Matt Fraction this month. He’s really starting to pull his moments together, making them tighter and more integral to plot… well, “fight scenes”, and at the same time driving the story forward. So, props to him. Let’s hope he continues and starts to draw in better “at home” moments for our favorite mutants. They can’t fight all the time (nor party), so when an “X-Family” story comes around… OH! Pixie has got to stop enchanting Sihal Novarum Chinoth or every time she appears/disappears. It’s distracting and odd, to say the least, and never properly framed. She does, however, do an excellent Wolverine impersonation. A-

The Trial of Sherlock Holmes #1: I haven’t read a Sherlock Holmes story since I was a sophomore in college, and even though I was just in Weird City Theatre‘s production of William Gilette’s Sherlock Holmes, I’m not really qualified to say what makes a good Victorian mystery story. But, hey, has that ever stopped me before? Sherlock Holmes is a classic butt-head. He has a smart (and usually correct) answer for everything and explains himself only when it’s means he can call someone an idiot. Moore and Reppion’s Holmes is a bit more mellow than that, if only to make his plight at the end of the issue more sympathetic. I personally would have liked to see him fall from a considerably higher height. Tragedy is judged solely on the loudness of the splat at the end, and while we can feel fear for the plummeting character, feeling bad for him is like a fireman’s blanket a few feet above street level. A-

The Complete Dracula: Dracula is Dracula, so the story isn’t all that surprising (one would hope). What is surprising is the care with which Moore and Reppion pace the story. This isn’t Comics Classics Illustrated! There are no leaps and jumps, no inexplicable expurgations, no “one panel explains all” condensations. In brief, this is not a summary, but an actual well-told story. Colton Worley’s photo-realistic art adds to the moodiness of the book. Excellent job! A+

Wonder Woman #31: This past weekend, my boyfriend and I were talking about how vigilante justice seems to be the way to go at times, and why hasn’t the Earth produced its first superheroes yet. We also picked out what kind of superpowers we’d like to have if we happened to be so lucky – he wanted telekinesis because it can be used for all kinds of practical purposes (throwing, slamming, holding, choking, flying, et al.) and I wanted telepathy because it’s the mental form of telekinesis. He looked at me and with a seriousness that was appropriate for the conversation, he said, “If you were telepathic, we wouldn’t be together.” When I asked why he said that he would always wonder about how I knew what I knew or if he were really feeling what he was feeling. Before I got too hurt, I thought about it: how could any person be trusted with an “X-power”? Is anyone that morally upstanding that they could forgo cutting corners or making life a little but easier for themselves? Could all X-Powerful beings follow a unified moral code? Diana may be flawed, and she may have made mistakes (without referencing Max Lord again, certainly cutting off the Cheetah’s tail last issue was a bit beyond the pale for her), but she’s still morally superior to most people. And gods. And Olympians. A+

Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds #4: Thinning the herd. Again. However, I don’t view the killing spree as being the wanton holocaust that was GMo’s Final Crisis (or indeed any DC comic title from the last year or so) because these characters’ death caused me actual outrage against Superboy-Prime and not Dan Didio or whatever lame storywriter was wielding the axe that week. Bloodshed aside, the return of “our boy” made me go misty. I’m jumping uo and down in my chair for the next issue; who’s agenda is going to win out – Superman’s rehabilitation of Superboy-Prime or the freshly minted Superboy kicking Superboy-Prime’s ass to Oa and back? A+

Madame Xanadu #10: It looks like next month Madame Xanadu will inflict her issues with men on the world at large instead of keeping it to a select circle of friends, lovers and co-dependent fantasies. One would think she’s be just as jaded towards women since it was her sister who caused her life to spiral out of control in the first place, but judging by the title “My Father’s Keeper” it looks like Nimue is going to be the mystic Gloria Steinem of the DCU. Next month will see Michael Wm. Kaluta taking over art duties, for which I am very excited. B

Uncanny X-Men #509: Didja see the size of Psylocke’s udders on the cover? I mean, one would have to have Power Girl wallpaper and life-sized cardboard stand-ups to not notice, so perhaps a better phrasing would be “When did Psylocke become enormbooblous?” Jesus, Land. I swear, someone needs to send me the reference pic for what happened to Emma Frost because I’m starting to think this was drawn from his own imaginings which puts him firmly in second place behind Mark Millar for the “Creepiest Asshole in Comics” title. Tracings can be forgiven (to an extent, and this is pushing it), but out-and-out S&M fantasies are getting into… whatever comic company publishes porn beyond Class Comics territory. Double Jesus, Land. Rumors around the Internet say that Madeline wants Logan to find Jean Grey’s body to inhabit, but I think she wants Logan’s body. Who better to live forever inside since he just keeps rejuvenating? B-

Supergirl #40: Beyond Reactron’s ham-handed “I lied to you the first time we met. Supergirl.” – and really, what was the point of this? There has to be a ton of better ways to change continuity than to just say, “Ha ha ha! I lied!” Yeah, he’s a villain and all, but why “confess” at this moment? And as a villain, can his confession be trusted? Wouldn’t it have been easier (and possibly cooler) to have his “starsuit” grow unstable and.. I dunno, create a micro-black hole that could destroy all life on Earth? That took me ten seconds and now I have a three issue story-arc for future use. Weird. – I enjoyed this issue, even the revelation for Superwoman’s identity, which some claim to have seen coming “miles away” (but never mentioned it until after the issue was published, so, yeah, I’m calling shenanigans). I’m not sure I’ll continue reading Supergirl beyond the next issue once spoiler alert! L.L. spells out her and daddy’s diabolical plan to make the world a safer place from aliens (and is that a U.S./Mexico metaphor the way the X-Men titles are a gay metaphor?). Unless, of course, a micro-black hole is coming in the near future… A

Detective Comics #853: I think if Buffy had been told at the end of her life in Season Five that her reward for being The Slayer was to be The Slayer, she would have cocked her head, pouted sarcastically and said something clever like, “So what you’re saying is you forgot to get me a present and this is the best you could do at the last minute?” Batman, whichever Batman we are reading about here, if not actually all of them, isn’t that snappy with the retorts and actually seems content with the results (at least he didn’t complain too hard). Gaiman’s follow-through on this story is better than he’s had of late, managing to hit a ton of high notes in this Batman’s swan song (including an appearance by the original Batgirl, a fave character of mine!), but ultimately, I’m going to take this story in the same vein as The Last Galactus Story and not worry about continuity. This time. A-

Thor #601: Ah I was hoping that Loki was going to tease the I’ve-Got-Sif’s-Body-and-Nobody-Likes-Me evil plot out a bit longer, but i suppose he knows what he’s doing because, after all, he got Balder to relocate every Asgardian (and one very love-struck Kansasian… Kansasite? Kansasist? Whichever.) to Latveria where Doctor Doom will welcome them all, but not feel obligated to treat them as anything other than refugees. Apparently all Asgardians except Loki like having one sovereign to rule them all. Who knew? And yet, I don’t find this to be a fault in JMS’ writing; I find it to be a fault in the characters of the Asagardian, because I totally believed that they would do this. They may be gods. but they’ve never been the deepest of thinkers. Except that Volstagg. He’s like Aristotle levels of deep. A

Kick-Ass #6: I’m waiting for someone to glom onto Mark Millar being a conservative asshole because of what he said about Democrats being baby murderers and murderer lovers, because I’m pretty sure that’s the reaction Millar wants people to have. Then I want to see the shitstorm that kicks up as people get mad at him and he laughs because he wanted people mad and he got what he wanted. I dunno. I’m still torn as to whether this guy can write or if he can just write to provoke people’s baser emotions. I also ask myself if I’ll go see the Kick-Ass movie when it comes out this summer (or whenever). I see it as a Die Hard meets American History X sorta cowboyish affair. We’ll see. B

World of New Krypton #2: Apparently, in all the Universe, the only one who didn’t know that they Kryptonians were a race of arrogant war-mongers was Superman. Even the Guardians on Oa are more surprised that there’s a planet in synchronous binary solar orbit with Earth than they are by Kryptonian military build up (and doesn’t that sound like the beginning of a commercial for Krypto Drain Cleaner™?). What saddens me is remembering the statue in the Fortress of Solitude of Jor-El and Lara holding Krypton aloft, bigger than life and smiling like lunatics. Who were Kal’s folks? The crazy hipppies down the block who wanted peace and prosperity for all peoples of Krypton or has Kal been completely mistaken about them from the beginning? If Zod can call hostage-holding a “brilliant improvisation” to a police situation with no one batting an impervious eyelash while Kal finds a humane solution to dealing with rampaging thought-beasts then Rucka and Robinson have a ton for material to mine over the next year or so. A

Action Comics #876: I really hate female super-villains. First of all, I think it’s undignified to see them acting like harridans. Call me old-fashioned, but, evidence to the contrary, I believe in the inherent superiority of women, and evil ≠ superior. That and writers have a habit of reversing them to simpering messes when the tides turn against them, like common bullies. I have no idea which upsets me more. Still, Ursa didn’t get half the thrashing she deserved in this issue, and though I’m certain Christopher should have cut her just a little, I was gladdened to see him say he shouldn’t because “Superman wouldn’t.” If one thing threw me out of the issue, it was the destruction of part of the Fortress of Solitude (and how many times has it been destroyed? Why can’t superheroes have nice things?). Since when is it a woven lattice of crystal? Way awkward-looking. A-

Uncanny X-Men #508: Ah, Greg Land! How your love of porn has transformed the X-Men into a team of over-expressive whores is nothing short of brilliant! Next, I highly suggest you break into “someone’s” stash of gay porn (which, given the hyper-sexual and somewhat exploitive portrayal of your female characters, I believe you have hidden in some dark, shameful corner your basement) and tackle the guys next. We’re all waiting to see Jean-Paul’s compass to point to True North. Beyond that, I’m happy to see Matt Fraction back in his terra cognita: guns blazing and people getting eviscerated by impossibly large swords. After the last three meandering issues of “Petey’s Pity Party” in which nothing happens and Petey really doesn’t learn anything he (and we) didn’t already know (what’s the opposite of dramatic irony?), it’s nice to see the plot pick up and start rolling again with the return of Spiral (my many-armed girlfriend) and the Beaubier twins. I didn’t like Jean-Paul’s dig at Alpha Flight (however true it may have been; I mean, really, “The Master of the World”?) just because Fraction can only hope to write something as cool as the original Alpha. A-

The New Mutants Saga: This is nothing more than a re-cap of all 100 issues of The New Mutants, but it beautifully illustrates the exact moment when the series jumped the shark: the introduction of Bird-Brain. It also graphically shows that Rob Liefeld is personally responsible for delivering the killing blow. Hopefully, the new series can avoid these problems and just tell good stories. *fingers crossed*